Happy Endings: My Bailey's story
When the box arrived containing my first order from Bailey's, I tore into it with glee akin to a greedy child on Christmas morn. The carton had one corner torn missing, which was a little disturbing, but continuing undaunted, we rended asunder...
Once the initial euphoria wore off, and the flesh wounds tended (new chains are sharp... juggle/fondle at ones own risk I suppose) I noticed something.
Me scrench! I taint come across me bloomin new scrench. Of all the stuff, that was the pinnacle of the order. I got all that other stuff just to keep the blastering scrench company in the box. Dagnabbit! Fie the dock mongrels who violates me box, and and absconded wit me scrench.
Did I mention we needed that scrench, real bad like? Well lads, we did. How in the world were we to swap that fresh chain on without a blastering, fickering, scrench. I know a socket/ratchet gets it done, but just because one
can, doesn't mean one
should. For instance, just because one can wash their Jeep with a live wolverine for a suds mitt, doesn't make it a good idea, or make the task any easier.
Anyhow some time passed, and the sorrow faded into more of a dull remorseful shock. Still needed the scrench, but had resigned self to being screnchless. In case you are curious, that's kinda like being a monk, but without the ugly bathrobe, the homebrew, and the hot nun chicks. All in all a pretty hollow, meager existence.
At some point, well past the horrors of discovering me scrench was kidnapped (I know it wouldn't have run away from home, we hadn't even met yet.) I was rooting around for some packing material. There lied the Bailey's box, filled with the motherlode: Wads of brown papery goodness! So upon reaping some of the bounty, I felt something cold and slick entombed amongst the debris...
What could it be? It could have been a Box Boa (these are quite rare & elusive in these parts, but one can't be too cautious these days...) so we approached with squinty-eyed wariness. Then the past came into focus! It's me long lost Scrench! <cue up the trumpeteers> Oh Joy! Hurrah and Hooray & all that!
Santy Claws, Tooth Fairy, St Valentimes, Mother May I and Sasquatch could have all been lined up to kiss my :censored: and I wouldn't have been any more giddy.
Now every time I get a catalog or a box from Bailey's I recall all that, and am glad I didn't call them up with a misguided new scrench request, or worse, hold a silly grudge over something wholly out of their hands. And best of all I gots me scrench.
I suppose an epic tale such as this should have a moral or two.
#1: Fie on the dock mongrels, who violate parcels.
#2: Watch out for Box Boas, but Empty the Blastering Box before calling a foul.
#3: Hug your scrench every morning, and tuck it in at night. Screnches give you unconditional love, and one should strive to respect that.
#4: Baileys is a great vendor.
See ya in another thread. 
