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True cost of heating with wood (joke)

Discussion in 'Firewood, Heating and Wood Burning Equipment' started by s219, Oct 10, 2011.

  1. s219

    s219 AboristSite Guru

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    So when I was a kid and we were heating with wood, I remember my dad had this paper he copied from the bulletin board at work, with a comical list of the true cost of heating with wood. It went something like this (going from memory, so missing a lot):

    1. Stove $1200
    2. Chainsaw $200



    4. Donation to local Vol Fire Dept for 1st chimney fire response $100


    7. Redneck tow to get pickup truck out of mud (AAA doesn't go into the woods) $50



    10. Emergency room bill to get splinters out of eye $250



    13. Donation to local Vol Fire Dept for 2nd chimney fire response $100



    15. New coffee table (old one chopped up and burned while drunk) $400



    17. Chiropractor bill for herniated discs in back $300



    And the grand finale was "divorce settlement" to the tune of $25,000 or so.


    Has anyone seen this list? I'd love to get a copy of the actual list for old time's sake. I'd guess it was around 1980 or so when it was circulating around, way before the internet. It was pretty funny (way better than the limited stuff I can remember).
     
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  2. Coldfront

    Coldfront Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Never heard of it, and it sounds kind of stupid to me. And why would burning wood cause a divorce?
     
  3. EXCALIBER

    EXCALIBER AboristSite Guru

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    Clearly does not see the humor. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink :hmm3grin2orange: I have never seen it but I do understand where you are comming from. My gf says I spend more time playing with my chainsaw #### then I do with her blah blah blah or something like that. I see it happen no matter what it is, too much time at work, too much time at the bar drinking, too much time spend doing anything will put pressure on a marriage or a relationship
     
  4. Coldfront

    Coldfront Addicted to ArboristSite

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    I see some humor in it but not much. Obviously burning wood for heat is not for everyone, specially if you are to lazy to clean your chimney.
     
  5. EXCALIBER

    EXCALIBER AboristSite Guru

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    Well everyone is human. That is like saying its your fault your car or truck broke down because your too lazy to maintain it. I'm sure you have had something break down on you before. Everyone makes mistakes and clearly this was put up for a laugh not real life, hence the two chimney fires.
     
  6. XTROOPER

    XTROOPER ArboristSite Lurker

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    It IS funny1

    S219

    I get it, I like it and I understand. I wish I had seen the original one, but I think you probably got the gist of it. Thanks, it's funny and has some truth in it.

    XTROOPER::smile2:
     
  7. Ironworker

    Ironworker Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Funny:laugh:, thanks for posting, unfortunatly some people take joy out of making people feel bad. Imagine going through life like that.
     
  8. 1project2many

    1project2many ArboristSite Operative

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    Found something close...

    From humor1-01.htm

    Save $$$?
    Heat with Wood

    First year costs:

    2 stoves and installation $1385.
    Removal of hot water baseboard and boiler $238.
    Search for reputable wood dealer N/A $76.
    Chain saw $210.
    Ax, wedges, maul, cant hook, etc. $119.
    Old truck (junk after 1st load) $595.
    Newer truck $8645.
    Tire chains $88.
    Replace truck's rear window (twice) $310.
    Fine for cutting wrong trees $500.
    5-acre woodlot $4995.
    Splitting machine $950.
    14 cases of beer $126.
    6 fifths ginger brandy $38.
    Fine for littering $250.
    Towing charge (brook to road) $50.
    Gas, oil, files, Band-aids $97.
    Doctor's fee (sawdust in eye) $45.
    Medical cost for broken toe (dropped log) $128.
    Safety shoes $35.
    Attempt to fix burned hole in carpet $76.
    New living room carpet $699.
    Paint living room $110.
    Taxes on woodlot $44.
    Woodlot boundary dispute settlement $465.
    Roof repair after chimney fire $840.
    Fine for assaulting fireman $50.
    Extension ladder $55.
    Chimney brush $22.
    Medical fee for broken leg (fell off roof) $478.
    Chimney cleaning service $90.
    Replace coffee table (chopped up and burned while too drunk to bring firewood up from cellar) $79.
    Divorce settlement $14,500.
    EXPENSES $36,388

    Sale of hot water boiler system $125.
    Fuel oil savings $376.
    CREDITS $501.

    NET COST OF FIRST YEAR WOOD BURNING OPERATION; $35,887.
     
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  9. stihl in ky

    stihl in ky ArboristSite Member

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    Now that's funny, and in some cases, somewhat true.:hmm3grin2orange:
     
  10. s219

    s219 AboristSite Guru

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    Thanks for digging that up -- that is definitely the list I remember, and it still cracks me up. For the full effect, picture it in black and white, and having been photo-copied a zillion times.

    I like the subtle humor in the ordering, such as:

    Old truck (junk after 1st load) $595
    Newer truck $8645

    Fine for cutting wrong trees $500
    5-acre woodlot $4995

    Medical cost for broken toe (dropped log) $128
    Safety shoes $35

    That almost perfectly describes how I learn things the hard way and then fix them the expensive way.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2011
  11. 1project2many

    1project2many ArboristSite Operative

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    I laughed the most at "Fine for assaulting fireman."

    I'm still looking for a copy of a hand written list that an old timer friend had for splitting wood. Something like "Maple: Split green or dry. Oak: Split anytime. Elm: Splits best frozen. Black Locust... Forget it."
     
  12. 23putts

    23putts ArboristSite Operative

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    $7900 for the OWB, $350 for the Stihl 290...and a lot of back breaking work....But when the kids are fighting like heck and the wife is grumpy, cutting wood is a lot of fun...:smile2:
     
  13. Big_Al

    Big_Al ArboristSite Operative

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    I didn't get past the $200 chainsaw and 14 cases of beer and broken toes. Not saying it reminds me of anything....
     
  14. GeeVee

    GeeVee East Coast Champion

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    Obviously humor, everyone knows you cant go to the ER or the Doctor for that cheap.
     
  15. tomsteve

    tomsteve ArboristSite Operative

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    it can be costly for initial set up, and it can get costly when sh*t happens ( i got my fiances jimmy stuck in a pretty nasty mud hole last year, the day i took out my brand new saw that replaced a saw with over 400 cords of wood cut on it. cost me over $1200 to get the push button 4wd fixed, plus many hours cleaning out the mud and muck form it and detailing the interior, which was a lot of work since the truck got a wee bit deep and flooded the cab a wee bit) i could buy the firewood already cut, split, and even have it stacked, but spending time in the woods cutting firewood is priceless.
     
  16. Somesawguy

    Somesawguy Addicted to ArboristSite

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    If you figure your time is worth anything, then it's probably cheaper to buy wood. I like running the saws, and being out in the woods. Scrounging wood isn't quite as much fun, but the price is right. Sometimes you get lucky, and it's not so bad. Someone posted on CL with some free wood. Most of it is 5-6ft, and the rest I can just cut and toss in the back. So far, I think I have had about 4 loads in my Toyota. Too bad it doesn't hold that much.
     
  17. Coldfront

    Coldfront Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Now that one was funny, not the condensed version 2 chimney fires and a divorce.
     
  18. lopro

    lopro ArboristSite Operative

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    Amen to that sentiment! My Fiskars and my chainsaw have been great marriage counselors on more than one occasion.
     
  19. importjunk

    importjunk ArboristSite Member

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    Check the prices listed in this joke. I first read this in the 70's energy crisis firewood boom.
    Still funny because lots of it is true.

    Bumper sticker from same era: NUCLEAR POWER AIN'T AS DANGEROUS AS MY CHAINSAW

    Best recent bumper sticker: EARTH FIRST-WE'LL LOG THEM OTHER PLANETS LATER
     
  20. tex

    tex ArboristSite Operative

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    To the guys that don't see the humor, lighten up.
     

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