back to the future

**mquinn** · 03-28-2003, 08:44 AM

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003

By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

**Acer** · 03-28-2003, 09:12 AM

I wonder what $350 million would buy in the year 2256? He probably hasn't even covered the cost of the batteries for his time machine yet.

**mquinn** · 03-28-2003, 09:29 AM

and i was wondering how his could be the "right" hands for a machine like that....

if any fool can have one, then why aren't there more of them here?

uh-oh. maybe there are....

**Menchhofer** · 03-28-2003, 09:36 AM

I have not heard of this....interesting. Keep us advised.

**Crofter** · 03-28-2003, 09:39 AM

Stop reading those tabloid magazines and go cut some wood!

Frank

**treeclimber165** · 03-28-2003, 09:58 AM

All he would need to do is create a trust fund for himself and then travel back to his own time and go collect his money (with 200 years interest).
I wouldn't be surprised if it was true. With all the technological advances in the last 100 years, I would imagine time travel would be feasable in another 200 years.

**mquinn** · 03-28-2003, 10:35 AM

okay, rocky. i'm with you on the probability of time travel - in fact, considering that, according to the latest in theoretical physics, all time is simultaneous, you should be able to hop around anywhere in time. and it wouldn't be dependent upon technology, either. that's a great line for investigation and discussion.

so okay, let's assume for a minute that the story could be true just as the guy claims....right now, i'm more interested in your theory about the trust fund....i'm thinking he'd have to have someone here to administer the fund, or keep some activity going on it or something, because, as far as i know, if you abandon an account for any length of time, the state gets it. i could be wrong about that, but i don't think they're going to keep an account open for a guy for 200 plus years...assuming that the business he's dealing with stays afloat that long anyway. if he's got an account that will handle $350 million u.s. in the year 2256, i think he'd better take it back with him.

i had a link once to a site where you could check to see if you had any unclaimed property you might not be aware of. in fact, had some relatives who did..gave them the site...and they claimed it...a few dollars only, but money they didn't know they had coming - it might be you can get there from here: http://www.state.ri.us/treas/up/ucfaq.htm

**mquinn** · 03-28-2003, 10:39 AM

okay - well, ought to check my own references. that one i posted says that at no time does the state assume ownership of unclaimed property - so....maybe you could count on still claiming it after 200 years...