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anger

stihl86

stihl86

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Joined
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Messages
1,005
Location
Northeast
Got news for the OP. You feel its a problem, so it is a problem.
Talking in these forums help some to purge it.
I find my hobby does it for me.
But remember, turn the other cheek and they'll slap that one too.
Revenge. Ever wonder why we were given the "Instinct"?
Every human has it. And only humans have it.
 
grizz55chev

grizz55chev

Tree Freak
Joined
Dec 9, 2010
Messages
13,369
Location
northern calif., around auburn
Anger is the most powerful emotion known to man. It is not only a great motivator, but it can also be an unstoppable weapon.
It is a tool that can be used to clear any obstacle out of your way... if you can control it. And just like any tool, if you misuse it or get careless, you will hurt yourself or others. The dangerous thing about anger is that when you do let it out, the rush you feel is so seducing, that you can find yourself having a difficult time snapping out of it. Or worse, looking for any excuse to release it.

Repressing it will just cause yourself more harm than good. It'll make you a time-bomb, so when you do go off- and you will- it will never be for a good reason, and you'll level it all at someone close to you. And the thing that'll set you off will be the most ridiculous, insignificant thing you could imagine. And by the time you do snap out of it, the damage is already done.
There is nothing worse than to look back at a scenario and watch as you literally lose yourself in your anger and as you hurt those who love you. And that guilt will stay with you for a long time and it'll only fuel more anger. Which will trap you in the worst form of anger: anger towards yourself.

It takes self awareness, which you do have, to admit that a negative aspect of you exists. That alone is a major step in the right direction. It took me quite some time to control my own anger, and I still have my moments, but I realized something.
You see, the world has a funny way of making us think that everything is coming at us at once. Or it gives us a false sense of a lack of purpose, that it's hopeless, or that we're running out of time... which causes fear, which freaks us out and leads to anger... which also freaks us out. And the vicious cycle continues. It's all an illusion. And when you realize that, you'll find that the world and time doesn't move as fast as you once thought. Everything happens for a reason, so as difficult as it is don't take it personally,
just observe it, take note and watch the world pass you by. In that moment you'll find peace. You'll be able to focus and look within and see anything that is boiling up, it's source and defuse it. If you are aware enough and have the self control to recognize when it's rising and suppress it, then in time you'll find that you can channel it at will. It'll be like flipping a switch.

All of us have something lurking just below the surface, so don't get to thinking that there's something wrong with you.
It's primal and cannot be changed, but it can be controlled and mastered.

You said you are a kind man. That entails that you are a kind father and husband.That is who you are.
Whatever anger or stress that is running around in the background isn't. I'd say you're doing a fine job at analyzing where your anger is coming from and how to manage it. Keep it up, you'll get there. :)
If i could like a post a thousand times, this one would be the one! +We have some fart smellers on these forums!
 
LogSawyer74

LogSawyer74

ArboristSite Guru
Joined
Feb 7, 2013
Messages
703
Location
Eastern OK
Anger is the most powerful emotion known to man. It is not only a great motivator, but it can also be an unstoppable weapon.
It is a tool that can be used to clear any obstacle out of your way... if you can control it. And just like any tool, if you misuse it or get careless, you will hurt yourself or others. The dangerous thing about anger is that when you do let it out, the rush you feel is so seducing, that you can find yourself having a difficult time snapping out of it. Or worse, looking for any excuse to release it.

Repressing it will just cause yourself more harm than good. It'll make you a time-bomb, so when you do go off- and you will- it will never be for a good reason, and you'll level it all at someone close to you. And the thing that'll set you off will be the most ridiculous, insignificant thing you could imagine. And by the time you do snap out of it, the damage is already done.
There is nothing worse than to look back at a scenario and watch as you literally lose yourself in your anger and as you hurt those who love you. And that guilt will stay with you for a long time and it'll only fuel more anger. Which will trap you in the worst form of anger: anger towards yourself.

It takes self awareness, which you do have, to admit that a negative aspect of you exists. That alone is a major step in the right direction. It took me quite some time to control my own anger, and I still have my moments, but I realized something.
You see, the world has a funny way of making us think that everything is coming at us at once. Or it gives us a false sense of a lack of purpose, that it's hopeless, or that we're running out of time... which causes fear, which freaks us out and leads to anger... which also freaks us out. And the vicious cycle continues. It's all an illusion. And when you realize that, you'll find that the world and time doesn't move as fast as you once thought. Everything happens for a reason, so as difficult as it is don't take it personally,
just observe it, take note and watch the world pass you by. In that moment you'll find peace. You'll be able to focus and look within and see anything that is boiling up, it's source and defuse it. If you are aware enough and have the self control to recognize when it's rising and suppress it, then in time you'll find that you can channel it at will. It'll be like flipping a switch.

All of us have something lurking just below the surface, so don't get to thinking that there's something wrong with you.
It's primal and cannot be changed, but it can be controlled and mastered.

You said you are a kind man. That entails that you are a kind father and husband.That is who you are.
Whatever anger or stress that is running around in the background isn't. I'd say you're doing a fine job at analyzing where your anger is coming from and how to manage it. Keep it up, you'll get there. :)
Had to read that one twice, slowly. Spot on brother. I always had some rage simmering below the surface, despite being a pretty quiet person. The last 10 years, I've been unable to control it from coming out at times, followed by huge embarrassment after calming down and reflecting.... About everything in your post is helpful for me, thanks
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,007
Location
USA
Anger is the most powerful emotion known to man. It is not only a great motivator, but it can also be an unstoppable weapon.
It is a tool that can be used to clear any obstacle out of your way... if you can control it. And just like any tool, if you misuse it or get careless, you will hurt yourself or others. The dangerous thing about anger is that when you do let it out, the rush you feel is so seducing, that you can find yourself having a difficult time snapping out of it. Or worse, looking for any excuse to release it.

Repressing it will just cause yourself more harm than good. It'll make you a time-bomb, so when you do go off- and you will- it will never be for a good reason, and you'll level it all at someone close to you. And the thing that'll set you off will be the most ridiculous, insignificant thing you could imagine. And by the time you do snap out of it, the damage is already done.
There is nothing worse than to look back at a scenario and watch as you literally lose yourself in your anger and as you hurt those who love you. And that guilt will stay with you for a long time and it'll only fuel more anger. Which will trap you in the worst form of anger: anger towards yourself.

It takes self awareness, which you do have, to admit that a negative aspect of you exists. That alone is a major step in the right direction. It took me quite some time to control my own anger, and I still have my moments, but I realized something.
You see, the world has a funny way of making us think that everything is coming at us at once. Or it gives us a false sense of a lack of purpose, that it's hopeless, or that we're running out of time... which causes fear, which freaks us out and leads to anger... which also freaks us out. And the vicious cycle continues. It's all an illusion. And when you realize that, you'll find that the world and time doesn't move as fast as you once thought. Everything happens for a reason, so as difficult as it is don't take it personally,
just observe it, take note and watch the world pass you by. In that moment you'll find peace. You'll be able to focus and look within and see anything that is boiling up, it's source and defuse it. If you are aware enough and have the self control to recognize when it's rising and suppress it, then in time you'll find that you can channel it at will. It'll be like flipping a switch.

All of us have something lurking just below the surface, so don't get to thinking that there's something wrong with you.
It's primal and cannot be changed, but it can be controlled and mastered.

You said you are a kind man. That entails that you are a kind father and husband.That is who you are.
Whatever anger or stress that is running around in the background isn't. I'd say you're doing a fine job at analyzing where your anger is coming from and how to manage it. Keep it up, you'll get there. :)
Very well said.
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,007
Location
USA
Had to read that one twice, slowly. Spot on brother. I always had some rage simmering below the surface, despite being a pretty quiet person. The last 10 years, I've been unable to control it from coming out at times, followed by huge embarrassment after calming down and reflecting.... About everything in your post is helpful for me, thanks
For me it's the walk of shame when I have to fix or throw out something that i threw across the room. I've had my successes where I stop my own hand, other times I don't do as well. Fortunately it's only ever been inanimate objects that face the wrath.
 
Dcsco

Dcsco

ArboristSite Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2020
Messages
66
Location
NC
Any human alive is capable of raising the bar for horrid behavior. Everybody gets unfairly crapped on. Most people are responsible enough to realize anger comes from within, you have to give up your happiness willingly. I hope you get it figured out before you let it damage you.
 
TNTreeHugger

TNTreeHugger

Addicted to ArboristSite
Joined
May 17, 2016
Messages
7,687
Location
Not here
For lack of a better outlet, my thought is that perhaps personal experiences from people with relative anonymity might provide some personal insight.
More and more I find myself carrying and intrernalizing anger. I don't talk about it with anyone, not friends, not family, no one. I have no interest in anger management discussions, hugging it out, and I certainly have no interest in being stigmatized or judged, so I just keep it to myself. I'm actually known as a very kind and unassuming person, because I am, because I exercise great self-control. But it's always there, just below the surface, and it's a constant struggle. Have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, but I've broken my share of physical objects. I get it from my father, and grandfather who died well before I was born. Very kind but a short temper, and a constant anger that I can't do anything constructive with. Today was a bad day, passed up for a promotion at work, so here I am sharing my anger with total strangers on an arborist forum, because that's the extent that I am comfortable discussing it.
...
It takes self awareness, which you do have, to admit that a negative aspect of you exists. That alone is a major step in the right direction. It took me quite some time to control my own anger, and I still have my moments, but I realized something.
You see, the world has a funny way of making us think that everything is coming at us at once. Or it gives us a false sense of a lack of purpose, that it's hopeless, or that we're running out of time... which causes fear, which freaks us out and leads to anger... which also freaks us out. And the vicious cycle continues. It's all an illusion. And when you realize that, you'll find that the world and time doesn't move as fast as you once thought. Everything happens for a reason, so as difficult as it is don't take it personally,
just observe it, take note and watch the world pass you by. In that moment you'll find peace. You'll be able to focus and look within and see anything that is boiling up, it's source and defuse it. If you are aware enough and have the self control to recognize when it's rising and suppress it, then in time you'll find that you can channel it at will. It'll be like flipping a switch.

...
I can't relate to the kind of anger you and some of the other guys are talking about, I guess because I've learned to control it. I can remember two times I've gone into an angry rage. Both when I was a teen. I don't like being angry, it makes me feel physically ill.
That's not to say I don't get "mad." This year especially, a lot of things have made me mad. And from what I've seen at work from my customers, a lot of people are mad this year about one thing or another.

I quoted part of Manic84s post because I agree completely, know first-hand it works, and wanted to share with you some ways to achieve some level of balance and control in your life.
First on my "can't do without" list is St. John's wort. Been taking one a day for more than 20 years and it definitely helps "promote a feeling of wellbeing" as it claims. Would not want to be without it.
Second, just this past week as a matter of fact, I've revisited some "old friends" I've put aside for way too long - meditation and tai chi practice. Haven't made a habit of them yet, but I'm working on it because I know from past experience that they also work to promote a feeling of wellbeing.
I think the first book I read on meditation was this one, which I've just started reading again
gradual awakening.jpg

Here's another great book
beyondwords.jpg

Even though I haven't actively practiced any of these techniques for many years, they have never left me.

Bottom line is, you need to get to the point where, when something threatens your peace of mind, you can take a deep breath, relax, and move on.
You could also get a big poster of the known universe... look at it to help put things in perspective. :drinkingcoffee:
KnownUniverse - Copy.jpg

Or, if you'd rather reflect on the past...
Geologicaltimespiral - Copy.jpg
 

Del_

Career arborist
Joined
Feb 18, 2002
Messages
26,922
Location
U. S. of A.
I can't relate to the kind of anger you and some of the other guys are talking about, I guess because I've learned to control it. I can remember two times I've gone into an angry rage. Both when I was a teen. I don't like being angry, it makes me feel physically ill.
That's not to say I don't get "mad." This year especially, a lot of things have made me mad. And from what I've seen at work from my customers, a lot of people are mad this year about one thing or another.

I quoted part of Manic84s post because I agree completely, know first-hand it works, and wanted to share with you some ways to achieve some level of balance and control in your life.
First on my "can't do without" list is St. John's wort. Been taking one a day for more than 20 years and it definitely helps "promote a feeling of wellbeing" as it claims. Would not want to be without it.
Second, just this past week as a matter of fact, I've revisited some "old friends" I've put aside for way too long - meditation and tai chi practice. Haven't made a habit of them yet, but I'm working on it because I know from past experience that they also work to promote a feeling of wellbeing.
I think the first book I read on meditation was this one, which I've just started reading again
View attachment 885601

Here's another great book
View attachment 885602

Even though I haven't actively practiced any of these techniques for many years, they have never left me.

Bottom line is, you need to get to the point where, when something threatens your peace of mind, you can take a deep breath, relax, and move on.
You could also get a big poster of the known universe... look at it to help put things in perspective. :drinkingcoffee:
View attachment 885603

Or, if you'd rather reflect on the past...
View attachment 885604
Maybe this would help:

 
Woodslasher

Woodslasher

Make McCulloch Great Again!
Joined
Jan 2, 2019
Messages
1,575
Location
Commiefornia
For lack of a better outlet, my thought is that perhaps personal experiences from people with relative anonymity might provide some personal insight.
More and more I find myself carrying and internalizing anger. I don't talk about it with anyone, not friends, not family, no one. I have no interest in anger management discussions, hugging it out, and I certainly have no interest in being stigmatized or judged, so I just keep it to myself. I'm actually known as a very kind and unassuming person, because I am, because I exercise great self-control. But it's always there, just below the surface, and it's a constant struggle. Have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, but I've broken my share of physical objects. I get it from my father, and grandfather who died well before I was born. Very kind but a short temper, and a constant anger that I can't do anything constructive with. Today was a bad day, passed up for a promotion at work, so here I am sharing my anger with total strangers on an arborist forum, because that's the extent that I am comfortable discussing it.
I can relate to being more angry recently and not wanting to talk about it. I either listen to music, think about good times spent with friends, or work on saws when I have the chance as those activities help me decompress. I've talked to one friend about it, and while it helped in the short term I feel no sudden desire to broadcast that information to the rest of the world. Telling people who hold no power over you but you are at least somewhat familiar with seems to be the easiest form of communication I've found, such as posting on this forum.
 
PA. Woodsman

PA. Woodsman

Addicted to ArboristSite
Joined
May 1, 2006
Messages
3,834
Location
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
Is it anger or perhaps frustration? Sometimes we get angry if we are not happy with some aspect of our life, if something doesn't go the way we want it to (like that job promotion) or we feel that we are not doing what we feel that we should be doing or don't have what we think we should have etc., and it comes out as anger but is really caused by being frustrated by some aspect of our lives.

I've been there too, people would say "you're always smiling, always happy go lucky" and at times I would say "on the outside, yes...but on the inside I could ax murder someone" and the smile always disappears quickly from them lol! I would never carry it through but it got the point across. But I must say that I am happier now that I got another job, worked at the same job for 21 years, lost it due to Covid layoffs, got another one and have had several people say to me "you seem happier" and I am, probably should've left the old job about 5 or 6 years ago but stayed. Perhaps is there something inside that is gnawing at you, something you are miserable about? Sometimes it takes some work to find it but with time and effort it can be done, if that is the issue.

Best of luck my friend.....and this world we live in with Covid and stress and worry and bull**** makes things 200 times worse!
 
capetrees

capetrees

Tree Freak
Joined
Jan 6, 2008
Messages
13,774
Location
MA
For lack of a better outlet, my thought is that perhaps personal experiences from people with relative anonymity might provide some personal insight.
More and more I find myself carrying and intrernalizing anger. I don't talk about it with anyone, not friends, not family, no one. I have no interest in anger management discussions, hugging it out, and I certainly have no interest in being stigmatized or judged, so I just keep it to myself. I'm actually known as a very kind and unassuming person, because I am, because I exercise great self-control. But it's always there, just below the surface, and it's a constant struggle. Have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, but I've broken my share of physical objects. I get it from my father, and grandfather who died well before I was born. Very kind but a short temper, and a constant anger that I can't do anything constructive with. Today was a bad day, passed up for a promotion at work, so here I am sharing my anger with total strangers on an arborist forum, because that's the extent that I am comfortable discussing it.
dark side.gif

Join the club.

Don't worry or despair. It all comes out in your favor in time.

My old girlfriend died earlier this month. She drove me batshit crazy and stalked me for 30 years. Made me the rotten assshole that I am today. She's dead now. I win.

Lifelong friend turned against me at work. Haven't spoken to him for 5 years by choice, some of it for fear he's turn me in for harassment. Would like nothing more than to see him dead. He's decided to go for a new job where he actually needs to perform and WILL fail. He was protected here but no more. Everyone knows he's a loser and now he's going to be exposed. I win.

Don't despair. It all comes around. In the meantime, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Know their every move and use it to your advantage.

You WILL win.
 
capetrees

capetrees

Tree Freak
Joined
Jan 6, 2008
Messages
13,774
Location
MA
I’ve found that dropping off a very large and very loud firework in front of the individual in questions house at 12 am is very therapeutic. AKA Midnight Special ;)

sorry to hear you got passed over it’s ok everything happens for a reason.
I did that years ago. Surrounded the house with fireworks, all the fuses delay lit with cigarette butts. Went down the street and listened to it all happen. Cops even came by with sirens blaring to wake up the rest of the neighborhood.

It was a great night.
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,007
Location
USA
Is it anger or perhaps frustration? Sometimes we get angry if we are not happy with some aspect of our life, if something doesn't go the way we want it to (like that job promotion) or we feel that we are not doing what we feel that we should be doing or don't have what we think we should have etc., and it comes out as anger but is really caused by being frustrated by some aspect of our lives.


Best of luck my friend.....and this world we live in with Covid and stress and worry and bull**** makes things 200 times worse!
Thank you, Im glad to hear about your new job and finding happiness. There's another forum I occasionally drop in on for bass guitar players (I dabble, I ain't no Les Claypool). There was a fellow about 65 that was laid off, couldn't find work, selling his stuff, and was just giving up on life. Dont know whatever happened but it was tough to read how bad the guy was doing, even though everyone was trying to help.
The frustration comment is thought-provoking, in a way anger and frustration are almost mutually inclusive. I think you can be angry without being frustrated though. For example, I have one particular ex that I've been split up with for 15 years, If she was on fire I wouldn't piss on her to put her out, but Id piss on her grave. I think that's anger.
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,007
Location
USA
Lifelong friend turned against me at work. Haven't spoken to him for 5 years by choice, some of it for fear he's turn me in for harassment. Would like nothing more than to see him dead. He's decided to go for a new job where he actually needs to perform and WILL fail. He was protected here but no more. Everyone knows he's a loser and now he's going to be exposed. I win.

I hear ya though brother, keep your head up and come out the winner.
 
TheBrushSlasher

TheBrushSlasher

I have chainsaws and chainsaw accessories.
Joined
Jan 3, 2016
Messages
2,606
Location
California
For lack of a better outlet, my thought is that perhaps personal experiences from people with relative anonymity might provide some personal insight.
More and more I find myself carrying and intrernalizing anger. I don't talk about it with anyone, not friends, not family, no one. I have no interest in anger management discussions, hugging it out, and I certainly have no interest in being stigmatized or judged, so I just keep it to myself. I'm actually known as a very kind and unassuming person, because I am, because I exercise great self-control. But it's always there, just below the surface, and it's a constant struggle. Have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, but I've broken my share of physical objects. I get it from my father, and grandfather who died well before I was born. Very kind but a short temper, and a constant anger that I can't do anything constructive with. Today was a bad day, passed up for a promotion at work, so here I am sharing my anger with total strangers on an arborist forum, because that's the extent that I am comfortable discussing it.

This reads pretty close to how I have been feeling for a long time and goes right along the same lines. Mine comes from a lot of frustration dealing with a lot of work related issues, you may not be able to change things but that doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns. If you feel like you are being pushed off to the side by your employer it may be time to say something or start looking elsewhere. As far as dealing with your frustrations I like to look at tools, engines, even head to pick n pull or pick a part because I like wrenching, one reason I got into saws is because cars get expensive and cutting trees is fun.


That saying something can also be YOU CAN GO **** YOURSELF I'm gone.
 
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