ArboristSite.com Sponsors
 
 


Father in law is nearing the end

Discussion in 'Off the Topic Forum' started by PA. Woodsman, Nov 16, 2018.

  1. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    My 85 year old father in law is coming to the end of his life, he had been losing weight for the last 3 months or so but said that he was trying to, but it became very obvious after awhile that something was wrong, and he went to the VA doctor who told him there was something very odd with his blood count, went to his family doctor who sent him to a hematologist who looked at the results and said " I don't think there is anything seriously wrong", drew more blood, went back to the partner of his family doctor who took a chest x-ray because he had been coughing somewhat and on that day he was so tired he needed a wheelchair at the hospital. We were surprised that they didn't admit him, but the next day they called him and said his blood count was dangerously low, 7.9, and he needed to get to the emergency room right away. They admitted him and the results of the chest x-ray showed he had lung cancer, but they did further testing to find out why he was losing blood and they found a bleeding intestinal tumor by his pancreas and he also has a brain tumor, so the only thing they can do is try radiation to try to slow the bleeding down and maybe shrink some of the brain tumor, but they said they are just trying to buy him some time, and all he is concerned about is getting out and getting his things in order and finding a smaller less expensive place for his wife to live, so he is determined to try to do that. But his faith and his spirit is incredible, truly inspirational to everyone, he has accepted it, said "I've lived a long life, have wonderful family, if they can help me fine if not well so be it", jokes all the time with the hospital staff and family, he truly has strong faith and understands that this is how it is, he lived longer than anyone in his family did and I know that he was concerned about that as he was approaching 80 as no one made it past that, but he would come through operations and medical procedures better than all of us younger ones, but this is just too strong to overcome, but he is accepting whatever happens, he has had 2 radiation treatments so far out of 10, is tired from them but that is normal and might be able to go home tomorrow. Hospice has already talked to them about what will happen, we just hope that when the time does come he slips away peacefully and doesn't suffer or linger on when there is no hope.

    I will miss him dearly, he was more like a second father to me rather than a father in law, he treated me like a son, and while I know this is the course of life it is devastating to know that the "patriarch" of our family is gravely ill. But he like my pastor said "is teaching us how to die" as his spirit and faith is so very strong and he I think wants to show us that if he is alright with it that we should be too, truly a very special person and I am grateful to have known him at all. They have already asked me if I would speak at his funeral and I said "it will be an honor", I hope that I do him justice.

    Thanks for reading this through...
     
  2. 1Alpha1

    1Alpha1 100% USDA certified abnormality-free.

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,797
    Likes Received:
    15,641
    Location:
    Depends on who's looking for me.....and why.
    My thoughts are with you and yours. Just insure that he is as comfortable as possible and that he has family close by at all times.

    I went thru this same situation with my 85 yr. old father who passed away in July of 2016.

    If at all possible, try to make sure that he's at home when the time comes.
     
    Husky Man and PA. Woodsman like this.
  3. Duce

    Duce Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    2,188
    Likes Received:
    3,672
    Location:
    Roscommon,MI
    From what you wrote, sounds like he taught you and your family how to live. Prayers sent.
     
  4. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    I am sorry for your loss, I seem to remember that from on here too.

    Yes, he most likely will be at home when the time comes, they did say that if that bleeding tumor ruptures it will do him in instantly, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.

    Thank you
     
  5. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    You are correct, such a kind, personable caring person and still that way till the very end, and now when I get into a situation where I want to say or act out meanly or loudly I stop and think about it and think "what would Pop do?", and that makes me realize sometimes it is best to not react too strongly unless absolutely necessary!
     
  6. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2010
    Messages:
    9,654
    Likes Received:
    17,407
    Location:
    northern calif., around auburn
    Sounds like a great guy, spend as much time with him as is possible! Knowing how to die is as important as knowing how to live, you’ll do fine speaking for him. Prayers for all the family!
     
    yooper, neely and PA. Woodsman like this.
  7. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Thank you very much...
     
    neely and grizz55chev like this.
  8. unclemoustache

    unclemoustache My 'stache is bigger than yours.

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2009
    Messages:
    19,520
    Likes Received:
    39,566
    Location:
    S. Il. near St. Louis
    Sorry to hear that, but it sounds like he's had a good long life. I pray his passing will be as painless as possible, and those who mourn will be comforted.
     
    neely and PA. Woodsman like this.
  9. Big Red Oaks 4 me

    Big Red Oaks 4 me Fun with flying wood chips

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2018
    Messages:
    489
    Likes Received:
    732
    Location:
    CSA
    I'm sorry to hear about this. My father is also 85, and was recently put on hospice care due to Alzheimer's. Prayers sent.
     
    1Alpha1, neely and PA. Woodsman like this.
  10. Husky Man

    Husky Man Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2017
    Messages:
    1,325
    Likes Received:
    2,222
    Location:
    Mt Hood, Oregon
    I was in a very similar situation almost a year ago. My own Father in Law passed away early December of last year. My Wife and I had only been Married for about 8 years when Huey passed, I was Very Close to Him, and Wish that I had known him longer, we enjoyed many things together and he was Second only to my Wife as my Favorite Fishing Buddy.

    To make it even harder, we had just lost a Brother in Law to Lung Cancer a couple of months earlier, the end of September, who I was also very close with, Woody had taught me a lot of what I know about Fishing, that was a tough Christmas, having lost two Loved Family members so recently.

    Spend as much time with him as you can, and consider Video recording some of his Life Stories and History, I have some videos of Woody demonstrating some fishing rigs on my phone, that I will never delete, I will watch they sometimes just to spend some time with him.

    Another suggestion,as much as everyone wants to spend as much time with him as they can, when the end is close, also try to arrange for those who would like some "Private Time" that privilege as well. There were some things that I would have Liked to say to Huey, just the two of us, while he was still alive, but I never got the chance, and I had tell him later, at his grave. I know that he KNEW what I wanted to tell him, but it would have meant a lot to me to have said it in person.

    Huey was Not a Tall Man, but a Man who I Looked up to and Admired.
    One of the Greatest Compliments I have ever received was Huey telling me that I was "A Good Man", a simple compliment, but coming from HIM, a Very Treasured One.

    Enjoy as much time together as you can, and Cherish and be Thankful for all the Time and Memories that you get with him.


    Doug :cheers:
     
  11. philoshop

    philoshop Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2012
    Messages:
    5,170
    Likes Received:
    7,634
    Location:
    geneva, ny
    Growing old absolutely sucks. No doubt about it. Watching our family members grow old sucks even worse. We don't have a real choice in the matter. Grow old or die. All the best to you, your family, and your Dad.
     
  12. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    I am sorry for your losses, that is really tough, and thanks for the great advice.

    I think your post is one of the best that I've ever read on here, God Bless....
     
  13. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Thank you all for your replies and support, it helps. It is so deceiving because when you see him and talk to him you wouldn't believe there is anything wrong with him, and someone told him that the other day and his reply was "yes, but my insides are telling me something different", and I remember talking to a guy about 15 years ago who told me that he was 70 but didn't look it and I said "really Frank, you look great!" and he said "on the outside....on the inside I'm like a rotten apple". Very sad to hear and see people have to endure, but we all will travel that path one day.

    Thanks again all, God Bless.....
     
    ray benson and bowtechmadman like this.
  14. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    2,484
    Location:
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Thank you, this is what my wife is just hoping and praying for, that he doesn't suffer at the end, I also.

    Thank you
     
    farmer steve and Husky Man like this.
  15. 1Alpha1

    1Alpha1 100% USDA certified abnormality-free.

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,797
    Likes Received:
    15,641
    Location:
    Depends on who's looking for me.....and why.

    My best to you and your father. Hospice is a blessing.
     
  16. Dahmer

    Dahmer Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2017
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    7,624
    Location:
    Makita, PA
    Prayers will be lifted up for you and the family. He sounds like what a true patriarch should be.
     
  17. aokpops

    aokpops Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    May 28, 2005
    Messages:
    2,491
    Likes Received:
    873
    Location:
    ohio
    Life is merciless . Good people show were they are and who they are real fast . And there is nothing easy about it
     
    PA. Woodsman likes this.
  18. RandyMac

    RandyMac Stiff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    14,231
    Likes Received:
    8,047
    Location:
    Extreme upper left corner of CA
    Death is part of life.
    two months ago I lost my wife Annie, a sudden end to a debilitating illness.
    I watched the light leave her eyes.
    I have learned many things about myself.
    Go with the grief, this process needs to be completed, it gets easier.
     
    olyman, Del_, farmer steve and 2 others like this.
  19. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2010
    Messages:
    9,654
    Likes Received:
    17,407
    Location:
    northern calif., around auburn
    Deepest condolences Randy, your words of wisdom come from the heart. Getting older comes with a lot of responsibility, one of them is saying goodbye and getting on with life.
     
  20. 1Alpha1

    1Alpha1 100% USDA certified abnormality-free.

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,797
    Likes Received:
    15,641
    Location:
    Depends on who's looking for me.....and why.

    My condolences.
     
    PA. Woodsman likes this.

Share This Page