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Father in law is nearing the end

Discussion in 'Off the Topic Forum' started by PA. Woodsman, Nov 16, 2018.

  1. Husky Man

    Husky Man Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Randy I am Sorry for your Loss, my Wife is my Best Friend, and I can't even Imagine what it would be like without Her in my Life

    There are so many things in Life that we take for Granted that we shouldn't, we always think that we will have more time than we actually get. I try to Appreciate what I have and make the most of it, and do my Best to make sure that She Knows what She means to me.

    I Hope that Annie brought as much Happiness to your Life, as Rae has brought to mine, it sounds like She did



    Doug :cheers:
     
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  2. RandyMac

    RandyMac Stiff Member

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    Thanks guys.
    It was a total shock to the systems, all of them, the mind can only handle so much and then things get tricky.
    The part of your brain that handles the active stuff, the pre-frontal cortex is kinda like an engineer, works when it has to, needs many snickers bars and coffee to run.
    When faced with a sudden mass of input, often conflicting or incomplete, add in a few emotional states and physical distress, since there is nothing in the manual that covers this, the engineer throws it his hands up, flips off a bunch of switches and departs for the back room with a bottle of brown liquor. Leaving you adrift with basic functions, wandering around displaying compulsive behavior.
    A thousand meter stare falls shy of the mark, some of them rabbit holes are damn deep, I'll find myself standing in a room, hmmm, well my feet don't hurt so I couldn't have been standin' and starin' here for too long. It does ease up and you learn from it. Yes, it is every bit as tough as advertised, maybe more and I would gladly risk another broken heart, in a heartbeat.
     
  3. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Very sorry to hear this news, thank you for the reply.

    He has been home since last Saturday evening, is going for radiation treatments on his brain tumor and bleeding tumor on his intestines near his pancreas, is still pretty upbeat and chipper but yesterday he took a turn for the worse but he had been doing a lot the day before and yesterday he had a treatment and a doctor's appointment and my daughter in law who was a nurse told him he would be tired as he had a very busy day, but what concerns us is that his blood sugar level yesterday was 30. The doctor said that had to be wrong, "if it was 30 you'd pass out and not been able to walk in here" and told him to take it again when he got home on his wife's tester, he did and sure enough it was 30 which is so so very low. He was asked if his stools were still dark which indicates blood loss and he said they were, and this doctor said that he will arrange for another blood transfusion, something they don't do for terminal patients but since my father in law said he still wanted to do a few things the doctor said "okay".

    We were over there Monday night and he was discussing finances with my brother in law and sister in law, and he was talking so matter of factly about things, what he wants done, what he wants for his funeral, what he wants done after he is gone, and it was so very tough to listen to it but it is part of life. We feel very badly for his wife, he did everything for her so now she must learn a lot of things but we will help her, she is 82 and now soon will lose her husband and have to move into a smaller less expensive place so she is going through the ringer right now, but we will all help, he gave Deb a kiss and said "thank you for taking care of your mother" which was his way of saying "I need you to do this for me".

    He was planning on going out to eat tomorrow for Thanksgiving but he said last night "if I'm like this I won't be able to go", and they are calling for a high temp of about 27 with wind chills in the teens so I don't know if he'll make it there, we'll see. But he is still here, a true inspiration to us all, we just don't want him to suffer and linger on if it is his time, if he could just peacefully slip away we would be grateful.

    Thank you again for the replies, and I am sorry for your losses too....
     
  4. RandyMac

    RandyMac Stiff Member

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    may he go with God.
     
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  5. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    We had a scare on Wednesday night, my wife was over with him after work so his wife could go out with a friend, and she called me in a panic, crying and said " can you come over here right away, we can't get Pop up in his chair" and hung up, so my mind went all over the place as I drove over there, and when I got there an ambulance was there but it was just parked no lights on, and when I went in 2 EMT guys were talking to him as he sat in his chair and told us "call anytime you need help", and I asked my wife what happened and she said he had been slurring his words at supper and went to walk to and sit in his chair and got all twisted up and was just dead weight, and was half on and half off the chair but also was nodding off and I think she thought he might be dying, but when she called her sister back who was a nurse she asked a lot of questions and deducted that he was over medicating for low blood sugar and as I stayed and talked to him he straightened out but that was quite the scare! But yesterday he got his wish, he was able to go out for Thanksgiving dinner and looked 10 times better than the night before, ate and had a good time, then we all went back to his house and he said whatever he wanted to tell us and my parents, told my parents "you guys are family, you are our friends but have been family since day 1" and really was happy and grateful as we were that he could go out and enjoy himself, I wasn't so sure if he would because of the night before but he did it, and is on less meds now and is improving. We took him for his radiation treatment today and he got some good news, the doctor's office called and told him his hemoglobin didn't drop it went up a bit, said his white cell count was a bit off but they think it is from the Prednisone he is taking for his brain tumors and said he doesn't need a blood transfusion, so who knows, he might stabilize a bit and have some more time here with us, time will tell, but we were very grateful that we had the time together yesterday so it was a Happy Thanksgiving after all!
     
  6. Husky Man

    Husky Man Addicted to ArboristSite

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    PA Woodsman, Thank You for the update, I had been thinking just a couple hours ago about asking you how he was doing. I am Happy to hear that you had an Enjoyable Thanksgiving, Cherish all the time you can. Time with Loved Ones is the Most Valuable thing you can ever get.

    My Father in Law had several Low Blood Sugar episodes that caused a lot of concern as well, it sure can seem much worse than it actually is, and can have you fearing the worst, definitely trying times to be sure.

    My Brother in Law Woody, was very active right up until near the end. He was a Very Handy guy, and was Building another, covered deck on their home, he placed the forms for the concrete himself, but had the pouring done, then built the deck, framed and sheathed the roof, even had the tar paper down, while we were visiting a year ago, Late August, 2 weeks later he was in the Hospital, and 2 weeks after that he was gone. We knew the outcome was inevitable, but the doctors had expected him to live for another 9 months to a year, Woody's Tumor in his lung was actually diminishing, and we all were really Hoping that he might beat it yet.

    But the beginning of September a teenager tossed a smoke bomb into a Forest, that hadn't seen rain in over two months, resulting in the Eagle Creek Fire, the smoke in Western Oregon from that fire was absolutely Horrible, and it was during that fire that Woody's condition deteriorated quickly, I still wonder if that Fire hadn't happened, if Woody's condition would have deteriorated like it did. Barely a month before he passed, he was on that roof pounding nails. I commented to Bonnie, that it was too bad that he didn't get to see his project finished, but she just said if he had, he would have just started another, that was the kind of man he was, he was going to keep busy to the end.

    Fortunately, his project was almost finished, and a close friend of his is a contractor, Brian was there shortly after the funeral, and had the roof finished in short order.

    Woody didn't get the time he should have, and got a bit short changed in the end, but he made the most of Life while living, and fortunately, when the end did come, it was not as long and miserable as it could have been,
    I Hope that, it will be similar for your Father in Law.


    Doug :cheers:
     
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  7. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Thank you for the wonderful message, that is quite the story about your brother in law Woody, I am glad that he could keep active right up until the end and do things that he wanted. I too wonder if that idiot kid didn't start that fire how things would have turned out, but we'll never know, but surely that was not good for his health! Kids just don't think sometimes.

    Today I am going to call my brother in law who lives 2.5 hours away and talk calmly to him and try to "persuade" him to come down and stay down here for awhile with his parents; he and his wife were down last Wednesday for a FEW HOURS and went right back home, "we don't like to drive in the dark", but he isn't working right now, he left his job a few months ago because he said he has a bad back (who doesn't?) but he needs to get down here not only to help take the load off of his two sisters and my brother in law and my nephew and me, he can stay with them and help out and just be with his parents, and like you said if you don't spend time NOW and say all you want to say it will haunt you forever, so I need to tell him he needs to come down and STAY here, not go back home just because it is getting dark out? I said to my wife "do you think maybe he can't handle this, maybe he can't deal with it?" and she doesn't know, but she knows he is going to regret it if Pop turns for the worse and he can't talk to him and is not happy that he isn't here, she said "I'm very disappointed in my brother, he should be down here now" so I am going to call and talk to him and gently "suggest" if there is anyway he could come down now, they said he was going to come down next Wednesday or next weekend but my mother in law is mixed up with all this going on, but I will put it out there to him that he should consider coming down now while Pop is still lucid and able to talk and respond. And my wife and I are the only ones that know he isn't working, if my sister in law knew that she'd kill him, she was really agitated the other day when someone mentioned his name, and as my wife said it would really hurt her parents to know he has the time but didn't come down, my wife and I think he is depressed and this surely doesn't help the matter. Wow.....

    Thanks again for the concern and support. It is like a roller coaster of emotions, one day up, then down, then up etc....but we've been here before and will again, it's the tough and sad part of life.
     
  8. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Hang in there Pa. Woodsman, my heart is with ya! All we can do is be there for those affected, family sticks together in these tough times, make him feel important cause he is. God bless!
     
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  9. Husky Man

    Husky Man Addicted to ArboristSite

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    PA Woodsman, I Wish that I was just talking from "Intellectual Wisdom" and Not from Experience, while one can never truly know another's pain, I have known a very similar experience, hang in there, make the most of the Time you do get, sometimes you don't even get the short version.

    I do Hope that your Brother in Law will come, soon and spend what time he can, he will likely regret it later if he doesn't. Please try as you say to "Gently" convince him, he may not be able to "Handle" this very well, everybody handles grief differently, some Better, some not so much, it is part of being Human, not machines, Heaven knows that aspect of humanity has baffled Scientists and Pyschologists throughout History.

    It sounds as if your Father in Law could have been related to Huey and Woody, a very Fine Man who would have a least found many things in common with them, and who I have No Doubt has been an Excellent Role Model to all that have known him, Hopefully some of the younger generation in your Family will recognize that and try to emulate him.

    I Hope that your Father in Law maintains the highest quality of Life possible in the Time left to him, and when that time does come, as it must for us all, it is as Brief and Pleasant as possible.


    Doug :cheers:
     
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  10. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Just a quick update, he is still with us but is now in diapers and hospice brought a hospital bed yesterday. He claims that the only pain that he feels is rectum pain, not sure if the cancer has spread there or not but other than that he says he isn't in horrible pain but he could be masking it, but they started him on Morphine 5 times a day a few days ago so he is hurting some. But amazingly, HE is still in there, still smiles and talks to you when awake, still is sharp mentally and remembers people and names and things that happened, tells everyone he loves them everytime that he sees them, I have sat and talked heart to heart with him several times and said everything that I wanted to say to him and vice versa twice, and am so thankful for that opportunity and so are a lot of other people, so that is one plus. Cancer may be taking his body but it can't put a dent in his spirit and faith!!!

    We all will be with him at Christmas, I suspect that is what he is holding on for so I hope that he makes it. We just pray that he doesn't suffer and when the time is here that he slips away peacefully.

    Thank you all again and God Bless and Happy Holidays.....
     
  11. unclemoustache

    unclemoustache My 'stache is bigger than yours.

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    I'm so glad you've had the opportunity to say goodbye so much, and that he is so lucid. A very sweet elderly gal in our church (Mary Lou) just passed away 2 days ago, and she was also mentally 'there' the whole time. There was time for the family to say their farewells and lots of music the day of her death. She always LOVED listening to the church choir which I direct. Two of her daughters sing in it. In fact, one of them would even record the rehearsals and play them for her later. She would always compliment me on the choir, and hospice had a musical therapist play her favorite music on her last day with the family all around.
    It was a beautiful life and a beautiful death, and I'm actually looking forward to the funeral on Thursday.

    It looks like your FIL is in a similar situation, and I hope his passing is as wonderful as that of Mary Lou.
     
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  12. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

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    The people at Hospice are angels, they help us through one of the toughest times in our lives! Bless you and you family, pretty special that you get to spend some quality time with him! He sounds like a great man.:heart:
     
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  13. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    I'm glad that things went about as smoothly for this lady as they could, so comforting that the end is not horrible for some.

    Pop also LOVED music, he was a choir director at age 15! He was choir director when he was in the Korean war, sang solos, sang in the choir and also a quartet for many many years. I told my wife about playing music for him and she said they had thought about it but his hearing is pretty bad, even with his hearing aids, but that was wonderful that lady could enjoy that, and I'm sure where she is at now the music is even more beautiful than it is here on Earth.
     
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  14. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Yes you are right, all of the Hospice workers are just so so kind, Angels on Earth, truly special people that help in such a tough time of our lives, Bless them all....

    There are no beds open in Hospice right now, but they said he isn't quite at that stage yet but he is very close. But no beds being open, what does that tell you, so many people unfortunately suffering from this awful disease cancer.
     
  15. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Lost my dad to it back in 04, inoperable brain cancer. He didn’t suffer, thank God, collapsed on the way into an appointment with the doc and never regained consciousness. Got a call at work and made it to his bedside to see him take his last breath. I miss him terribly but I find peace knowing he’s in a better place. He’ll go when he’s ready, I hope you are with him when it comes, it means a lot.
     
  16. TimberMcPherson

    TimberMcPherson Addicted to ArboristSite

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    We gave my grandmother her last send off on friday. 93 years old.

    The cost of great love is great loss
     
  17. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

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    93 is a pretty good run, great genes!
     
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  18. PA. Woodsman

    PA. Woodsman Addicted to ArboristSite

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    Very sorry to hear of your loss, my Grandmother also passed at 93 in 2009, no matter how long they live it still hurts as you said....

    We were able to spend about 8 hours with him yesterday, he is in the transition stage now between life and death. The young hospice nurse is an Angel on Earth, so sweet and gentle, and she said that he probably has a few days left, a week tops but probably will pass in a few days which we hope is peaceful, he is on increased liquid Morphine and is in some pain, sleeps a lot because of the meds and the cancer, doesn't recognize some people at times and doesn't say much anymore so I am so glad that we got to talk to him and tell him everything that we wanted to while he was still lucid, so thankful for that. He fluctuates from being hot then cold, is itchy from dry skin and the meds but mostly dry skin because he doesn't drink much anymore. We know that this is the normal progression but it is so tough to see and watch him go through this, they said that he isn't at the stage where they would take him to hospice and also there are NO beds available right now, so what does that tell you? So many people dying of this awful disease. We all are hoping that he passes peacefully at home, and we all think that he will.

    When we were leaving my wife talked to him and held his hand and talked but he didn't respond. I then tried too but got no response. A bit after that I thought I'd try one more time, stood at the foot of his bed and said "I'll see ya Pop, see ya buddy....." and he opened his eyes and winked at me and gave me a slight smile. I told him "you just rest, Pop....."

    That was probably the best Christmas gift that I could've received yesterday, that little wink and smile.

    That was my Christmas.....
     
  19. 1Alpha1

    1Alpha1 100% USDA certified abnormality-free.

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    Depends on who's looking for me.....and why.
    This is going to be a very tough thread to follow.

    My best to your FIL and all the family.
     
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  20. grizz55chev

    grizz55chev Addicted to ArboristSite

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    :heart::oops: Hang tough, remember the good times and relish the times spent with family!
     
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