One of my "wished he was a pro" customers, who currently is a guest of the state on a coke charge, offered me a great deal on "free wood" last fall. "it's just down the road, and it's great stuff". It was close to the store, but you couldn't get a truck close to the trees. He charged the homeowner for the 3 trees, and that's about how many cuts he made. They were just lying on top of one another.
I said, "Brian, you didn't get a chance to limb them out and do the brush yet?"
"Oh, you can do that when you take the wood. No big deal Just drag it over there"
"Yeah, no big deal. I'm tied up the next 3 weekends though" (I knew he had to have it out in one week)
A month later the goof gets busted. I get a letter from prison: "Hey, guys. Do me a favor and keep an eye out for my saws. They were in the truck when I got busted. I think the cops took 'em" Then he goes on: "This new jail is pretty nice. Cable TV, ping pong, 3 squares. It's like the Hilton. I just wish they stuck me in here for the winter instead of the summer."