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Official joke thread

Dave Hadden

Dave Hadden

Addicted to ArboristSite
Joined
May 26, 2007
Messages
3,712
Location
Campbell River, BC
Redneck Family Tree

Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red....
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!!



Geeze, we could be related too. LOL


Take care.
 
stihlslinger

stihlslinger

ArboristSite Member
Joined
May 31, 2015
Messages
88
Age
24
Location
Missouri
My brother was ttying to be funny and says a man walks into a bar and asks for an ice pack. Well we were kinda picking on him and I said if he asks the Bar for an ice pack why didn't he just askit to move in the first place? He gives me the you're dumb look and says that was stupid. Lol
 
Wood Doctor

Wood Doctor

Edwin
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
10,744
Location
Omaha, Nebraska
GESTURE OF APPRECIATION

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them to college. "I feel
it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not
owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it.

As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I
die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial
planner, each successful financially. When their father died and they saw
him in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, the doctor stacked 10 crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the
deceased. Next, the financial planner placed $1,000 there in 20 crisp $50
bills. Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He slowly reached into
his pocket, removed his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his
father's coffin and took the $2,000 cash for himself.

The lawyer is now in Congress, probably in your district.
 
Wood Doctor

Wood Doctor

Edwin
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
10,744
Location
Omaha, Nebraska
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 6-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam," replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.
 
Wood Doctor

Wood Doctor

Edwin
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
10,744
Location
Omaha, Nebraska
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
 
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