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The last person to post in this thread wins!!!

Discussion in 'Off the Topic Forum' started by wigglesworth, Oct 11, 2011.

  1. 2strokenut

    2strokenut One nut loose

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    now thats neet as. made my day.
     
  2. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    A little girl asked her mother, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

    Mom replies, “No, because she's in heat.”

    “What’s that mean?” asked the child.

    “Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage”.

    The little girl goes to the garage and says,” Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said Belle was in heat, and to come to you”.

    Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”

    He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, that should take care of that problem, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

    The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

    The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway around the block, so my friend's dog, Buddy, is pushing her home”.
     
  3. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    hA2B5F2CB.gif

    Here's my new "car", crosswinds suk!
     
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  4. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

    The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

    The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

    The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and whenever the job takes longer than you said it would. In short, they understand.”

    But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Left coast politicians are the easiest to operate on. They have no guts, no heart, no spine, and their head and rear end are interchangeable.”
     
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  5. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    here I am on my first day of driving a bus tumblr_pjahkb2fu41vwuifgo1_400.gif
    I can't figure out why I got fired!
     
  6. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    hB72D7AC5.gif

    Dang, 5 day winner:happybanana:
     
  7. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

    “Chief Two Eagles,” one official began, “you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems.”

    The chief nodded. The official continued, “Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?”

    The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied: “When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Plenty fuel. Children play together. Women cooked own food. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.”

    The chief smiled, and added quietly, “White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that?”
     
  8. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    f.gif

    A two-fer win
     
  9. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    Or a two-for loss. Take your pick. Any idea where the rolling wheel or hub came from? The white car that went off he road?
     
  10. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    That would be my guess too. You can see dirt being kicked up on the side nearest the road, freak accident
     
  11. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    Two shapely women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to wipe herself with, so she took off her panties, used them to wipe herself, and discarded them.


    The second not finding anything either, thought “I’m not getting rid of my panties...” so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath.


    The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: “We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night. My wife came home without her panties...”

    The other one responded: “You’re lucky. Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that read, ‘We will never forget you’.”
     
  12. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    tumblr_pm8dgwZF5b1v15vh6o1_250.gif

    Here's my new ride...may have to retire the Tacoma
     
  13. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    I'd rather retire in Urbana, IL. That's where I went to school for ten years beyond high school. Seems like it was only yesterday. My favorite places to study were at Cam's and two other close-by bars. Cold draws of Bud were a quarter apiece. Pitchers were a buck. Sorority girls were everywhere.
     
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  14. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    No Way...counting the months before we can escape & build our retirement home in No. Idaho. Here's a pic from the lot of Lake Pend Oreille 2016-6.jpg
     
  15. Wood Doctor

    Wood Doctor Edwin

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    Looks really good in Idaho but it might be too quiet for a guy used to living in a college town. You might feel like a fish out of water. But, it's your choice.

    How could I forget those jeans that fit so well whenever they danced? They changed my whole idea about what engineering design was supposed to be all about:


    I used to love the winks those co-eds gave me occasionally in Urbana when I was trying to study engineering. One wink and I was seduced:
     
  16. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    No, wife & I are looking forward to having so much natural beauty around us. East Central Illinois is the pits! Add the fact that the state of Illinois
    is rapidly going downhill ...Kids on the West coast

    The area has changed so much in the 18 years I've been here
     
  17. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    Much rather have th-2.jpeg << this to look at, boat on
     
  18. Highland_hunter

    Highland_hunter ArboristSite Lurker

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    Wife says I'm too miserable to die and that I'll live forever. Hand over the goodies now please.
     
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  19. stihlaficionado

    stihlaficionado God of ArboristSite

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    Your brand new prize, a ported 880, is on its way:happy:
     
  20. Highland_hunter

    Highland_hunter ArboristSite Lurker

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    All I can say is :rock::dancing::rock2:THANK YOU!!!
     
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