Yup... all my fault

[Whitespider]

Ma’ma always said that cussin’ would gain me nothing… of course all moms probably say that to little boys that start cussin’. And then there are dads… who cuss when they smash their thumb, or drop something off a ladder, or get mad at little boys for ice skating on the hood of the car. So a lot of us grow up learning its wrong… because mom said so, and dad would bite his lip half-way into a cuss word when mom was in ear-shot. Yet, the first time dad takes you along to hang-out with the guys, like maybe hauling a repair to the welding shop, or to take the car into body shop for an estimate on repainting the hood, little boys learn all about cussin’ in the real world right quick…… or, we think we do.

Then, just to add to a little boy’s confusion… about the third time mom catches you cussin’ she gets dad involved. Dad acts extremely concerned in front of mom and hauls your little butt out to the shed for “talk”. Standing there, amongst the tools and power equipment (and the place where dad does most of his cussin’, or at least where the little boy hears dad cuss), the little boy learns it ain’t proper to cuss wherever, and whenever you want… and cussin’ in front of mom ain’t proper. The problem with this is, and what makes it so confusing for little boys, dad never gives any direction as to where and when it is proper. But, as we grow up, we learn the places and times when it is less-offensive… We learn that you don’t cuss in front of the preacher even when you smash your thumb while working in the shop… meaning, it ain’t always appropriate to cuss even in the places where you do most of your cussin’.

No wonder it’s so confusing for little boys.

So where am I going with all this?
Well, two things have happened this week. First my wife informed me that my little three-year-old (soon to be four) son has picked up a couple of cuss words somewhere, and I need to have a “talk” with him… I’m trying to figure out how to keep the “talk” as less-confusing as possible for him. And second, I received both a warning and an infraction from AS because of my language used in a couple of recent posts. I’m dealing with the easy one first…

I would like to extend my sincere apologies to the ArboristSite entire for my language. I knew the rules and intentionally broke them. I make no excuses and fully admit my wrong doing. I hope any member that may have been offended by language will forgive me.

Whitespider


(Now, let’s see, how am I gonna’ get the boy to understand what I’m trying to tell him…??)

 

[Streblerm]

I tell my kids (3 and 5) that they should not use words if they do not understand their meaning and that it is OK for them to ask me what something means if they don't know. For the "bad" words that they pick up, I calmly explain that the words can make some people feel uncomfortable and should not be repeated. For the most part they seem to be getting it.

Sometimes kids are just making sounds that sound like offensive words. You know, repeating words and substituting sounds like buck buck bo buck bananna fanna... To me, that is just a part of learning language. If it is an isolated incident then I just let it go. The wife and I try not to let the kids see us laughing about it. Bottom line, if the kids get a big reaction either positive or negative (laughing or yelling) then they are likely to use it. If you are calm and matter of fact then the correct message seems to come across.

 

[Streblerm]

I don't personally believe there are any "bad words" Poop, feces, dung or any other word you have for it - is all the same thing. People are a little too thin skinned if you ask me. Everyone seems to be looking for a reason to be offended. Language designed to hurt or offend is another story. It isn't the word's fault though it is the intention of the speaker. At the same time words are not physical weapons and can only hurt if you let them.

If you bang your finger with a hammer I really don't see the difference between shoot and ####, and nothing is wrong with either. If you tell a person they are a no good piece of poop or a no good piece of ####, there really isn't much of a difference and both of them are wrong.

Language is wonderful, rich and horrible all at the same time. Learning what language is appropriate in different situations can be tough for young people but it is important.

FWIW I don't know what you said and I don't care. Good luck with the kids.

 

[Hank Chinaski]

My son (5yo) understands there are adult words that he's not allowed to say yet.

after my boy had a verbal altercation the day before w/a kid at a playground.

Alex: A S S is a bad word
G'ma: but it's also a donkey
Alex: no grandma, not like a donkey ass, like an ass hole...
G'ma: where'd you hear that?
Alex: when daddy drives his truck.

He knows the difference, now, I need to work on knowing the difference a little better...

Good luck with it man and realization is half the battle (to paraphrase GI Joe)

 

[hanniedog]

I am offended that I missed the thread you are refering to. Don't have kids but it is inevitable that such words will be heard at some point. Just a matter of time, many can be heard on TV now, not when I was a kid. It was a big deal to hear Archie Bunkers toilet flush on TV.

 

[Steve NW WI]

Subscribing. Funny story to tell later when I have time, but gotta run right now.

 

[Nosmo]

Not Bad Language But Something Else

It's been about 40 years ago this happened but I still remember it clearly. I came in the house one evening and was met by my wife telling me Richard is in the bathtub and you need to go in there and have a talk with him.

Richard was about 6 at that time so I asked her what I needed to talk to him about. Well it seems she had gone into the bathroom while he was in the bathtub and found him playing with himself.

Well I said what do you want me to do ? She said go in there and talk to him. OK I said.

Went in there and he was just sitting and looking guilty. Your mom said you were playing with yourself - is that right ? Almost crying he nodded his head up and down indicating yes.

I told him well next time don't let her catch you.

Nosmo

 

[Doghouse]

Ha! Now that's funny. I'm going to have to use that one... footnoting you, of course.

 

[ponyexpress976]

It's been about 40 years ago this happened but I still remember it clearly. I came in the house one evening and was met by my wife telling me Richard is in the bathtub and you need to go in there and have a talk with him.

Richard was about 6 at that time so I asked her what I needed to talk to him about. Well it seems she had gone into the bathroom while he was in the bathtub and found him playing with himself.

Well I said what do you want me to do ? She said go in there and talk to him. OK I said.

Went in there and he was just sitting and looking guilty. Your mom said you were playing with yourself - is that right ? Almost crying he nodded his head up and down indicating yes.

I told him well next time don't let her catch you.

Nosmo

All I can say is PRICELESS!

 

[ponyexpress976]

On a serious note...he either gets it or he doesn't. One of the rules you have to learn/follow if you want into the club.

 

[Mntn Man]

I'm a trucker. I hang out with truckers. Only sailors and my mom cuss more than I do. My 6 and 8 year old girls don't cuss. They are exposed to it, but they know not to do it. People sometimes question what I let my girls get exposed to. They don't question that my girls are two of the most behaved kids they know. I say, expose them to it, then teach them about it. That is way better than letting them come across it sometime when you are not around to guide them down the right path. Perfect example:

My friend was the Valedictorian of our class. Her dad kept her on a short leash while in his house. She went to school out of state, far away from him. After one very wild year, she dropped out, got pregnant then married. Three kids later, divorced working at Walmart.

 

[Whitespider]

I told him well next time don't let her catch you.

Now that's funny...
But in all seriousness :msp_blink: What else is there to say?

About 18 or so years ago my oldest son (24 now) was having trouble with a bully on the rural route school bus. My wife had noticed some "things"... like he'd be upset when he got off the bus, and hats, gloves books, etc. would be dirty and so forth (funny how moms just know, ain't it?). So anyway, being concerned, she asked him what was going on and he finally told her. When I got home that night she was fit-to-be-tied, wanted me to call the parents of the bully, call the school and go talk to the bus driver. I told her I'd have a talk with our son... find out what was going on. So she's starting to get mad a me 'cause (in her mind) she'd already told me "what was going on."

(Now, you need to understand that this was the beginning of the "zero-tolerance" era of our school system)
(I also knew the bus driver... a semi-retired "old-school" farmer that lived down the road a piece)

So I walk the boy outside into the back yard... and I don't bring up the bully right away. Instead, I show him a few basics in the manly art of self-defense... show him how to throw a straight-line punch, protect his face, how to use his weight, how to stand... y'all know the drill. After a few minutes of that I ask him about the bus, and I find out the bully is a couple years older. I tell him there is always gonna' be bullies... but a man has to stand-up for himself. I also tell him there are consequences for every action, both good and bad... and a man has to weigh those consequences against themselves before making a choice. And the last thing I told him was, "Son, if'n you're gonna' punch someone, ya' can't hold anything back... ya' flat gotta' hit 'em just as hard as ya' can so ya' put on the ground, and if'n they start to get up, hit 'em again, just as hard. Son, ya' gotta' look 'em straight in the eye and be thinkin' to yourself, 'I'm gonna put my fist all the way through this mother-^&$%ers head'."

About that time my wife yells out the window at me... and she's really ticked-off! Seems she'd walked in the kitchen and over-heard the last bit of the conversation through the open window. Man, I mean she's ticked! I get my butt chewed royal. She goes on about the school "zero-tolerance" policy and how they call the police now-a-days, etc. When she's all done rippin' me a new one, I just look at her and ask, "What the heck did you think I was gonna' do? I ain't gonna' call the school, or the parents, or the bus driver and make it worse for him. This is something he needs to learn to handle, he's gonna' meet bullies all his life."

In all seriousness :msp_blink: What else is there to tell the boy?

Couple days later I come home and the wife has an ice pack on the boys hand.
I asked the boy about the bully. Problem solved... bully sitting on the floor of the bus crying, bloody nose.
I asked what the bus driver did about it.............. Nothing!

Wife wouldn't speak to me for about three days... and she took the boy's TV privileges away for a week for fighting..... consequences son, consequences. Next time, don't let your mom find out, keep your hand in your pocket when you walk in the house.

 

[logbutcher]

Couple days later I come home and the wife has an ice pack on the boys hand.
Wife wouldn't speak to me for about three days...

OK you Banjos. Here's the drill:
No more "The Wife", or "Wife", or "Wifey".
You want a life ? She has a name ? Maybe "my wife". Or "my spouse". Or _____ (insert proper name here).

There are life penalties for this nomenclature. ThiMk boy. e.g Like getting shut out.

Scold out.

 

[Steve NW WI]

OK, I promised a story so here goes:

This was probably almost 20 years ago. I still had (and hated) a few chickens around here. They were old and not much good at anything but making noise, poopin on everything, and eating a few bugs. After the foxes thinned the herd down to the last couple, I decided to catch what was left, old neighbor guy was gonna run em through the pressure cooker. (That didn't even work well, BTW, still shoe leather.)

So I'm running around the yard trying to catch some deceptively fast geriatric chickens when my buddy pulls in and rolls down the window. He asks the stupid question: "Whatcha doing?"

Without even glancing at him, I holler "Chasing F&&&ing chickens, what's it look like?" He hollers back "Young ears" - crap, he's got his 2 something year old boy who's learning to parrot every word he hears. We tried to explain that was a bad word, and he had a blast "helping" catch the chickens.

As they were leaving, my buddy's brother pulls in, looks at the kid, and goes "Whatcha doin today Tony?"

You guessed it, kid didn't miss a beat, loud and proud, "Chasing ####ing chickens!"

Junior (kid's uncle) about messed himself hearing that, and after the laughter died down, we had another talk. It must have worked a little better, because I didn't hear about it from his mom, although Grandma heard the story and still gives me grief about it once in a while to this day.

 

[porta mill]

well it is not always the dad's letting the little ones hear the bad words . today my little girl comes to my house from the day with ther mom( we are devoriced) and says she herad the song crazy bit#%h in her mom's car today . and few other choice words. now arn't mom's supposed to be the ones to be setting a good example for the kids . it was very interesting conversation for me and my little girl, me tap dancing around how those words are adult words and they are not to be used by little girls and boys and that she is not introuble . so much for the moto that dads are the ones teaching the kids to cuss!!!!!!!