An interesting time helping my mother sell some properties

svk

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I'm going to disagree just a wee bit.


It's fine in my book if the kids "fly first class" when we pass on, though I would hope they have better sense than to piss away
their inheritance.

Both our kids worked summer jobs growing up (many of their friends parents instead giving their kids hefty allowances so they didn't need to).
They made their way with not that much help from us. They wanted to do it on their own. We paid for their educations & it basically stopped there.

I'm of the school that believes that the $ should be doled out throughout their lives as well.
As they get into their 30s & 40s etc they will have many expenses that we may be able to help them with.
I completely agree on that. I mean I want my kids to have a better life than I have. I had a very good childhood thanks to my dads success and of course got some hard knocks once I got onto my own. There were some times like when I lost a job due to corporate downsizing or when I was sick with Lyme’s where a little help would really have been good and it wasn’t there.

What I was referring to in that post are things I’ve witnessed like the older fellow I knew who died of pneumonia because he was too cheap to hire a plumber to fix the leaks in his house. Or the guy who drove broken down crap and argued with waitresses over the price of the senior breakfast when he was sitting on a huge bank account and 3/4 mile of desirable lakeshore on one of the highest dollar lakes in the state. Or the guy who would buy paint, use 3/4 of it then go back to the hardware store and throw a huge temper tantrum about it being the wrong color so he’d get his money back.
 
avason

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My in laws are very well off and living very very comfortably. It was never like that. Only for the past 15 years I would say. Some wise investments and being frugal over the years. They are now talking and giving their kids a few thousand here and a few thousand there. They say they want them to enjoy it while they are around. They say older people who have gone through hard times, gone through the depression or something similar like a financial crisis have something embedded in their D.N.A. that makes them hold on to things and stay frugal. Again, my FIL who is very well off,has a thermometer hanging in one of his back sheds, that is completely destroyed. It has the glass broken off and the temperatures written in with a magic marker. Again, that generation, or at least him have gone through some pretty hard times.
 

svk

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My in laws are very well off and living very very comfortably. It was never like that. Only for the past 15 years I would say. Some wise investments and being frugal over the years. They are now talking and giving their kids a few thousand here and a few thousand there. They say they want them to enjoy it while they are around. They say older people who have gone through hard times, gone through the depression or something similar like a financial crisis have something embedded in their D.N.A. that makes them hold on to things and stay frugal. Again, my FIL who is very well off,has a thermometer hanging in one of his back sheds, that is completely destroyed. It has the glass broken off and the temperatures written in with a magic marker. Again, that generation, or at least him have gone through some pretty hard times.
No problem being frugal, sometimes I try to run things to see how long they’ll go!
 
PA. Woodsman

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Capital gains on $300,000 is really going to stink.

True. She is going to talk to her lawyer about that on Monday, the developer told her there was a way around it so she didn't get hit with it all at once, but she didn't seem to want to go for it, but I'm sure that the lawyer will talk to her about how she can handle that.

And I do want to add based on the last 4 or 5 posts that she has helped me and Deb out MANY times, if we need money to get out of a jam or buy something that broke down, without that help we'd be in credit card debt for the next 500 years! That's one of the reasons why I am trying to help her get rid of some of these things now, so it doesn't work her nerves like it is doing, but as one or two of you said it is so so hard to get them to part with some things, maybe because if they do they are admitting that they are aging and can't/won't use/need those things anymore? I don't know, maybe when I'm that age if I get there I'll finally understand, but what they have and are holding on to and paying taxes and upkeep on is just not right, I'm slowly trying to get them to see that and I think they might slowly be coming around, and hopefully selling these properties and getting rid of some other things will spur her on to do even more.
 
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svk

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True. She is going to talk to her lawyer about that on Monday, the developer told her there was a way around it so she didn't get hit with it all at once, but she didn't seem to want to go for it, but I'm sure that the lawyer will talk to her about how she can handle that.

And I do want to add based on the last 4 or 5 posts that she has helped me and Deb out MANY times, if we need money to get out of a jam or buy something that broke down, without that help we'd be in credit card debt for the next 500 years! That's one of the reasons why I am trying to help her get rid of some of these things now, so it doesn't work her nerves like it is doing, but as one or two of you said it is so so hard to get them to part with some things, maybe because if they do they are admitting that they are aging and can't/won't use/need those things anymore? I don't know, maybe when I'm that age if I get there I'll finally understand, but what they have and are holding on to and paying taxes and upkeep on is just not right, I'm slowly trying to get them to see that and I think they might slowly be coming around, and hopefully selling these properties and getting rid of some other things will spur her on to do even more.
A word of advice. Get the deal done then worry about taxes. If you delay things for tax purposes that also gives your father the time to change his mind.

If your parents are charitably inclined, the year they close on the property is a good time to donate to the causes that they care about.
 
PA. Woodsman

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A word of advice. Get the deal done then worry about taxes. If you delay things for tax purposes that also gives your father the time to change his mind.

If your parents are charitably inclined, the year they close on the property is a good time to donate to the causes that they care about.
I am going to take them to the lawyer tomorrow, initially they were going to go themselves but I offered and my mom still said they would be okay, but she called me back and told me when she talked to my father about it he asked if I was going, and when she told him no he said "I'd feel better if he was there" so I told them I will take them. He sort of knows what is going on, sometimes more than we realize, but he would feel better with me there.

The other day he said "you're doing a helluva job for us, thank you" and also "thanks for what you are doing".......I said "I'm just trying to make your lives easier, and mine too.....you have too many things, we need to get rid of some things and put the money in the bank", and he was okay with that. It was/is very touching to me.....
 
Woodanhor

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I am going to take them to the lawyer tomorrow, initially they were going to go themselves but I offered and my mom still said they would be okay, but she called me back and told me when she talked to my father about it he asked if I was going, and when she told him no he said "I'd feel better if he was there" so I told them I will take them. He sort of knows what is going on, sometimes more than we realize, but he would feel better with me there.

The other day he said "you're doing a helluva job for us, thank you" and also "thanks for what you are doing".......I said "I'm just trying to make your lives easier, and mine too.....you have too many things, we need to get rid of some things and put the money in the bank", and he was okay with that. It was/is very touching to me.....
Great story sometimes they realize or know more then they will say to you:)
 
PA. Woodsman

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Took my parents to review the agreement of sale with their lawyer and he said "he (the buyer) is handling everything, this is more than a fair deal" and gave my mom a name and number for his accountant to help her work through what to do so she doesn't get hammered with taxes, but it was a breeze today, and he didn't even charge them! Just told them to initial and sign the papers and get them to the buyer and he'll handle everything, and said one of the things that the buyer is paying for would've cost her $1,500 so like I said this was a more than fair selling price especially when you figure all that in.
 
PA. Woodsman

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I also noticed that at 80 and 81 years old this was a lot for them, going to a lawyer to discuss selling this, it made me realize that while it was easy for me things like this are tougher for them and wear them down and out, so I have to remember that when discussing and doing other things with them, go slow so they can handle it. I would want and be able to go through all this stuff like a buzz saw for them and help organize their lives, but they can't so I have to keep that in mind, that became very obvious yesterday!
 

svk

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I also noticed that at 80 and 81 years old this was a lot for them, going to a lawyer to discuss selling this, it made me realize that while it was easy for me things like this are tougher for them and wear them down and out, so I have to remember that when discussing and doing other things with them, go slow so they can handle it. I would want and be able to go through all this stuff like a buzz saw for them and help organize their lives, but they can't so I have to keep that in mind, that became very obvious yesterday!
Agree. It is definitely a baby step approach. Pushing too much will cause older folks especially to shut down. On the other hand I have seen some folks who are too fast to shed extra assets and they end up with a full bank account but an empty life. That certainly does not sound like a risk your parents have though.

My neighbor retired at 70 and sold one of his two cabins at 73. At 75 now he barely uses the other one. And except for a few bad lifestyle habits he is in great shape and until he takes his hat off you'd never think he was 75. He now more or less putters around at home. Although his father was healthy and then died suddenly at 68 so perhaps he expects to have the same thing happen. Unfortunately that seems to be a self fulfilling prophesy especially amongst men.
 
Blue Oaks

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PA- Good to hear you and your folks are getting it all sorted out. I'm not too far out from having to handle stuff for my folks who are about to turn 84.

My in laws are very well off and living very very comfortably. It was never like that. Only for the past 15 years I would say. Some wise investments and being frugal over the years. They are now talking and giving their kids a few thousand here and a few thousand there. They say they want them to enjoy it while they are around. They say older people who have gone through hard times, gone through the depression or something similar like a financial crisis have something embedded in their D.N.A. that makes them hold on to things and stay frugal. Again, my FIL who is very well off,has a thermometer hanging in one of his back sheds, that is completely destroyed. It has the glass broken off and the temperatures written in with a magic marker. Again, that generation, or at least him have gone through some pretty hard times.

I don't think that you can overstate the impact of people in their eighties and nineties who lived through the depression. My mother was very poor as a child, my dad as well to some extent but they lived on a ranch and grew and made what they needed. But my mom was very poor and that has stuck with her for her entire life. To this day I think she still sees herself as poor deep inside, despite living in a mostly paid off $2M home with a fair amount of assets in her retirement account. I remember about ten years ago she was barking at my dad to stop pumping the diesel in their F250 because, "it's 20 cents a gallon cheaper down the street."

There's also the old saying that is partially true, like most of them. Rich people are rich because they act poor. Poor people are poor because they act rich. I can't tell you how many people I know who would be doing much better in life had they stuck to that mantra.
 
PA. Woodsman

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SVK-My father in law who passed 1.5 years ago at almost 86 used to talk about the fact that no one in his family lived past 80 years old as he was nearing that mark, yet here he made it just about 6 years longer so what you say is true, it is understandably on their minds!

Blue Oaks-I think part of my father's problem as far as not wanting to get rid of things, especially old cars that he will never drive is just what you said, growing up my father was the youngest of three children, and for some reason his parents never really treated him well, made him get everything for himself basically while his older siblings especially his brother never had that issue. My mother remembers one time him getting so upset years ago talking to his brother on the phone saying "they wouldn't even buy me a G D baseball glove", and my mom took the phone from him and told his brother not to call him anymore, I think this stayed with him and that is why he not only made something of himself without his parents help but why he hangs on to things that he'll never use or need, so I have to keep that in mind too when dealing with him. And we could probably get rid of his old cars that he has stored at various places and he wouldn't even know it, but something just doesn't feel right about that, kind of "sneaky" I guess....but if we talk to him about it he says he wants to keep them all lol!

But he once again yesterday stood in their kitchen and looked straight at me and very heartfelt said "thank you for what you are doing for us", and my mom also, and that was invaluable to me, all the times they took care and helped me this is the least that I can do, to see that things are handled properly, to reduce much clutter in their lives to make life easier. I am the only child so when the time does come if all these "things" are still around I will be overwhelmed by it, so by taking care of at least some of it now will help us all.
 
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