anger

MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,329
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USA
For lack of a better outlet, my thought is that perhaps personal experiences from people with relative anonymity might provide some personal insight.
More and more I find myself carrying and intrernalizing anger. I don't talk about it with anyone, not friends, not family, no one. I have no interest in anger management discussions, hugging it out, and I certainly have no interest in being stigmatized or judged, so I just keep it to myself. I'm actually known as a very kind and unassuming person, because I am, because I exercise great self-control. But it's always there, just below the surface, and it's a constant struggle. Have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, but I've broken my share of physical objects. I get it from my father, and grandfather who died well before I was born. Very kind but a short temper, and a constant anger that I can't do anything constructive with. Today was a bad day, passed up for a promotion at work, so here I am sharing my anger with total strangers on an arborist forum, because that's the extent that I am comfortable discussing it.
 
gumneck

gumneck

ArboristSite Guru
Joined
Jan 3, 2005
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917
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chesapeake,va
Personally, I find that vigorous exercise of some sort helps my own anger issues. When I'm doing it, I can focus on the exercise and allow my brain to think through any issues in a more rational manner. Everybody and anybody go off so you're not alone in that regard. Sucks about the promotion, they'll be more opportunities I'm sure.
 
cookies

cookies

ArboristSite Guru
Joined
Nov 26, 2020
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746
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Crawfordville
turn off the news, go hunting/fishing/camping...buy 300 bucks worth of good fireworks and pizz off all the neighbors...put applications out there for the position you want..eat bacon..rub wheel bearing grease under car door handles at work...eat more bacon and remember the only way to be happy is for you to be happy with yourself and your life, no job or promotion can do this for you its all up to you!
 
miller755

miller755

ArboristSite Operative
Joined
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46350
Good job with your anger,
Our minds will always have thoughts and emotions that do not serve us in our life working towards our goals and living our values. Your job, is to keep living your values, regardless of the emotions you are experiencing.

Im going to therapy because of my anger and getting a divorce related to my anger(but probably inevitable anyway) everyone has problems and it takes a big man to admit to them.
 
Harmon

Harmon

ArboristSite Operative
Joined
Jul 2, 2016
Messages
124
Location
Haines
Its a survival mechanism or us angry people would have gone extinct? I agree with exercise (feeding a chipper), bacon, fireworks, getting lost in the woods, and having a friend scare the s h i t out of me and then take me out drinking work pretty ok.
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,329
Location
USA
Good job with your anger,
Our minds will always have thoughts and emotions that do not serve us in our life working towards our goals and living our values. Your job, is to keep living your values, regardless of the emotions you are experiencing.

Im going to therapy because of my anger and getting a divorce related to my anger(but probably inevitable anyway) everyone has problems and it takes a big man to admit to them.
I read once that stress and anger are caused by our inability to act on our primitive instincts. Basically, when you force yourself to not beat the snot out of the pos that wronged you, it becomes stress and anger.
I am so busy these days, i have no outlet, i barely have enough time to do some push-ups at night with 2 small kids.
Quarter to 1am and can't sleep a wink, nothing but pissed off, but hey at least im not the only one.
 
Mnmacguy

Mnmacguy

ArboristSite Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
64
Location
US
Sorry to hear of your bad day. I too struggle with anger, like my dad. I promised myself not to be like him, angry at the world and everyone in it. But the older I get, the more I find myself pissed. I do find getting outside helps: a hike, bike ride, long drive. But even that sometimes backfires. The other day I was out hiking around a nearby park and a large vicious dog runs up to me snarling, barking, and charging me. The owner finally strolls up and I go off on him. He doesn't apologize, just blows me off. WTF. So many dumb people around. How can one not get angry? My prescription: I buy and work on chainsaws. It's fun to tinker, learn something new, and to get a dead saw purring again. Keeps my mind focused on something else. Also reading/responding to posts on this forum helps. A community of mostly like-minded good natured people. I hope you get some sleep and today is better than yesterday.

Sent from my SM-S367VL using Tapatalk
 

J D

ArboristSite Guru
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
739
Location
NZ
Same deal here, I find it helps to conciously think about my dad & grandad & how irrational their anger was & how it affected those around them... & then reflect that on how my kids are seeing me & "what's really more important". It usually works... except when it doesn't... & then it makes me more angry.
As far as the sleep thing goes screen time before bed has quite an effect on some people. I also find that it can be more productive to find half an hour to do something stress relieving/exercise during the day than spend 2 hours trying to get to sleep while your mind is running at a million miles an hour
 
TimberMcPherson

TimberMcPherson

Addicted to ArboristSite
Joined
Mar 13, 2003
Messages
5,315
Location
New Zealand
For lack of a better outlet, my thought is that perhaps personal experiences from people with relative anonymity might provide some personal insight.
More and more I find myself carrying and intrernalizing anger. I don't talk about it with anyone, not friends, not family, no one. I have no interest in anger management discussions, hugging it out, and I certainly have no interest in being stigmatized or judged, so I just keep it to myself. I'm actually known as a very kind and unassuming person, because I am, because I exercise great self-control. But it's always there, just below the surface, and it's a constant struggle. Have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, but I've broken my share of physical objects. I get it from my father, and grandfather who died well before I was born. Very kind but a short temper, and a constant anger that I can't do anything constructive with. Today was a bad day, passed up for a promotion at work, so here I am sharing my anger with total strangers on an arborist forum, because that's the extent that I am comfortable discussing it.

Its been a bloody tough year for many. Most of the world is being encouraged to be angry over one thing or another. It would be strange if you couldn't find something that makes you feel angry at times

Im from a line of men whose temper was famous and feared. I have worked to successfully end that legacy, but its always there.

Anger is a bit like steam, either we find a way to vent it as it builds, or it explodes. This forum is used as a form of vent for many.

Your doing the right thing, its a hard road but your obviously motivated and tough enough to handle it. Well done, I think your on the right track
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,329
Location
USA
My prescription: I buy and work on chainsaws. It's fun to tinker, learn something new, and to get a dead saw purring again. Keeps my mind focused on something else. Also reading/responding to posts on this forum helps. A community of mostly like-minded good natured people. I hope you get some sleep and today is better than yesterday.

Sent from my SM-S367VL using Tapatalk
You and I both. My wife has asked me why I'm always tinkering with some old chainsaw when I have a few spare minutes, because when my mind is going somewhere unhealthy, I can shift back to thinking about those MDC carb check valves that I'm going to try to make, or which saw will I tear into next, the Mini Mac 6 or one of my parts donor 10-10's....
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,329
Location
USA
A lot of times anger comes from pride, and you know you can let go of your anger if you just let go of your pride. Take a breath... and let it go.

And oh boy that chit ain't easy sometimes. :rolleyes:
I take things personally, probably more than I should. And yeah the pride thing is tough, easier said that done. If there's 2 things I am really not good at, it's forgiving myself for fug-ups, and not holding grudges. I have the memory of an elephant for that crap, but couldn't tell ya the last thing my wife told me needed doing...
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,329
Location
USA
I’ve found that dropping off a very large and very loud firework in front of the individual in questions house at 12 am is very therapeutic. AKA Midnight Special ;)

sorry to hear you got passed over it’s ok everything happens for a reason.
Many years ago my dad was f--ked over by someone that was working for his company, basically spying on workers and writing them up for s--t like taking a longer break than they were supposed to.
My pops kept a 1/4 stick "firework" in the glovebox of his work truck for months in case he saw the fugger parked in his car somewhere....did I mention I inherited the anger thing?
 
MacAttack

MacAttack

I love the smell of 2-stroke
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,329
Location
USA
Its been a bloody tough year for many. Most of the world is being encouraged to be angry over one thing or another. It would be strange if you couldn't find something that makes you feel angry at times

Im from a line of men whose temper was famous and feared. I have worked to successfully end that legacy, but its always there.

Anger is a bit like steam, either we find a way to vent it as it builds, or it explodes. This forum is used as a form of vent for many.

Your doing the right thing, its a hard road but your obviously motivated and tough enough to handle it. Well done, I think your on the right track
Thanks for the encouragement, best of luck to you as well.
 
Manic84

Manic84

ArboristSite Guru
Joined
Nov 20, 2019
Messages
643
Location
USA
Anger is the most powerful emotion known to man. It is not only a great motivator, but it can also be an unstoppable weapon.
It is a tool that can be used to clear any obstacle out of your way... if you can control it. And just like any tool, if you misuse it or get careless, you will hurt yourself or others. The dangerous thing about anger is that when you do let it out, the rush you feel is so seducing, that you can find yourself having a difficult time snapping out of it. Or worse, looking for any excuse to release it.

Repressing it will just cause yourself more harm than good. It'll make you a time-bomb, so when you do go off- and you will- it will never be for a good reason, and you'll level it all at someone close to you. And the thing that'll set you off will be the most ridiculous, insignificant thing you could imagine. And by the time you do snap out of it, the damage is already done.
There is nothing worse than to look back at a scenario and watch as you literally lose yourself in your anger and as you hurt those who love you. And that guilt will stay with you for a long time and it'll only fuel more anger. Which will trap you in the worst form of anger: anger towards yourself.

It takes self awareness, which you do have, to admit that a negative aspect of you exists. That alone is a major step in the right direction. It took me quite some time to control my own anger, and I still have my moments, but I realized something.
You see, the world has a funny way of making us think that everything is coming at us at once. Or it gives us a false sense of a lack of purpose, that it's hopeless, or that we're running out of time... which causes fear, which freaks us out and leads to anger... which also freaks us out. And the vicious cycle continues. It's all an illusion. And when you realize that, you'll find that the world and time doesn't move as fast as you once thought. Everything happens for a reason, so as difficult as it is don't take it personally,
just observe it, take note and watch the world pass you by. In that moment you'll find peace. You'll be able to focus and look within and see anything that is boiling up, it's source and defuse it. If you are aware enough and have the self control to recognize when it's rising and suppress it, then in time you'll find that you can channel it at will. It'll be like flipping a switch.

All of us have something lurking just below the surface, so don't get to thinking that there's something wrong with you.
It's primal and cannot be changed, but it can be controlled and mastered.

You said you are a kind man. That entails that you are a kind father and husband.That is who you are.
Whatever anger or stress that is running around in the background isn't. I'd say you're doing a fine job at analyzing where your anger is coming from and how to manage it. Keep it up, you'll get there. :)
 
Goinwheelin

Goinwheelin

Vintage Chainsaw Hipster
Joined
Oct 13, 2019
Messages
4,055
Location
Yakivegas. Wa patiently awaiting the collapse

There’s another skit he does in paper tiger that describes me to a T
he talks about stuffing it (anger) in a jar then putting a lid on it only to have it come out later when it’s not warranted.

A while back my deadbeat nephew burned my parents house to the ground while they were on vacation. Wife and I are in the way to the fire and she’s f ing hysterical and I’m stone cold calm. She kept asking me why I wasn’t mad and I said you know those times I blow up over something trivial? Well that’s because of days like today honey.
 
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