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How to get rid of telemarketers

stihl sawing

stihl sawing

MAD DOG
Joined
Feb 16, 2008
Messages
43,750
Location
Across the bridge.
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If AT&T calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
 
tonto

tonto

ArboristSite Lurker
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
20
Location
australia
Some of those have yet to be tried.
We in Australia get the Indian (not yours) yakkers, I always ask whats the weather like. Also ask them to speak english.

Best one is when grandchildren visit put the one who is just learning to talk. Let him/her jabber on.

"Oh thank god you called Ive been waiting all week to hear your sexy voice again, just talk dirty too me."

"Tell me about your kids"

" Oooohh God !!! I just came in my pants at hearin your voice".

When they start asking questions dont answer the first one then with second Q give answer for 1st Q. et


re market research callers ...ask hw much I will get paid for the info. Confuses the hell out of them.
 
Ted Jenkins

Ted Jenkins

Firewood by TJ
Joined
Apr 18, 2016
Messages
3,212
Location
Twin Peaks
Stihl excellent, but I do not have what it takes to tell them that I just went in my pants. My go to is could you please hold on just a minute. Thanks
 
Brownthumb

Brownthumb

ArboristSite Operative
Joined
Apr 12, 2019
Messages
208
Location
Basement
I use Nomorerobo for the business and it works pretty good.
The only thing I dont like it leaves a stupid message like try back again instead of the busy signal when you are on the phone.
 
ElevatorGuy

ElevatorGuy

What are you doing with the wood?
Joined
Sep 2, 2020
Messages
873
Location
Maryland
Normally we just send them to voice mail but the other day someone called the wife’s phone during dinner from an 800 number. I answered and in my loudest Asian type voice yelled we no talk now! Then hung up, the wife and daughter thought it was pretty funny.
 
Short timer

Short timer

Wish you'd stop being so good to me captain
Joined
Aug 31, 2019
Messages
9,524
Location
New Jersey
Normally we just send them to voice mail but the other day someone called the wife’s phone during dinner from an 800 number. I answered and in my loudest Asian type voice yelled we no talk now! Then hung up, the wife and daughter thought it was pretty funny.
I sorta do the same thing but play with them a little more. I answer as a Chinese restaurant, something like “mr. chow’s how can I help you” in my best Chinese voice. Once they start speaking I say “pick up or delivery”. Then when they start speaking I cut them off and say “you want pork fried wice wit dat”. It goes on for some time and then they hang up.

Or if I’m busy I’ll ask a simple question, such as, “who do you like, Yankees or the Mets”, and no matter what they answer I say “wrong answer” and hang up.

Good times playing with these scumbags.
 
PasoRoblesJimmy

PasoRoblesJimmy

Rocket Scientist
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
15,530
Location
Telemetry Group, Range Commanders Council, JCS
Small hand-held air horns are great are repelling panhandlers at gas stations.


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sb47

Addicted to ArboristSite
Joined
Jun 14, 2011
Messages
5,708
Location
Texas
I figured out a new approach to handling telemarketers.
If I have a feeling it's a spam call or sometimes my phone will say "potential spam" in the caller ID box. I answer the phone with a healthy "SHERIFF'S OFFICE!" and I get an odd silence then they will ask for someone specific and I will repeat myself "SHERIFF'S OFFICE!" how can I help you? And I'll get a soft "I'm sorry, I'll update our records and then they hang up. lol
They usually stop calling. :laughing:
 
PasoRoblesJimmy

PasoRoblesJimmy

Rocket Scientist
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
15,530
Location
Telemetry Group, Range Commanders Council, JCS
I figured out a new approach to handling telemarketers.
If I have a feeling it's a spam call or sometimes my phone will say "potential spam" in the caller ID box. I answer the phone with a healthy "SHERIFF'S OFFICE!" and I get an odd silence then they will ask for someone specific and I will repeat myself "SHERIFF'S OFFICE!" how can I help you? And I'll get a soft "I'm sorry, I'll update our records and then they hang up. lol
They usually stop calling. :laughing:

"Sheriff's office, Fraud Investigation"
 
sean donato

sean donato

Addicted to ArboristSite
Joined
Aug 3, 2014
Messages
2,572
Location
Eastern, PA
I have 2 go to lines.
First only works if it's a woman. I let her dribble on and when she pauses, I tell her I'll agree to whatever she wants if she tells me what color underwear she has on, what type ect. Always get a reaction or hung up on. Never been called back by the same number.
Second is my favorite.
I answer in my best deepest hillbilly voice. Harry's house of hoes, you got the dough we got the hoe. Midget hookers 2 for 1 money special, how may we hoe you. Anything they say I relate it to the weekly specials. Never fails to amuse.
 
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