Wit and wisdom from the trade.

[CoreyTMorine]

One-liners and quotes from treemen. “mike” is a generic name for when anonymous wont work.

Do what’s comfortable. Dad

I’m not crazy! Don’t call me that. Anonymous

You save steps one at a time, not by the mile. Dad
Rory hears this, and looks at me like I’ve two heads. “Your dad was a wise man he says.” I think he was surprised that my dad could be so smat and I could still do so many dumb things J

Hell yeah I wear spikes, prune em 2 or 3 times then come back and wreck it for good. Mike

Mike’s education is lacking in certain areas. Anonymous

Dad and Don are standing around, they have a big load of firewood on the logtuck. Some home owner comes over and asks how much for a load of wood like that.. Don says “Well, that depends on wether or not your buying, or selling.”

Climbing is not so much about being fast as it is about being smooth. Ira

This big top peels off the wrong way and comes crashing down through the house drop. After the smoke and sparks die down Mike looks things over, takes a deep breath and says “wow, that was close.”

Climbings a game of inches, once your ears get bad it screws up your balance, and you can’t estimate those inches anymore. Ira

“Whats important to you tommy?”
“Trees.”
“Ah hell no, its not the trees that matter, it’s the people.” Matt

The day after I start working for Morton Tree out in oregon we are sitting around having lunch. I’m this wide eyed kid from back east. Matt looks over and says “you know, we’re all sexually active.”

“Well, my dad always said “if we all thought alike, everyone would want my squaw.”” Dad

Crossovers, conflicting branches, inward growing branches, trunk suckers and deadwood. Pruning mantra Rory

If one of those trees decides to come apart all that rigging will be like so many little rubber bands. Rory

Never trust a tree, trust what you know, your rigging, and your ability. But never, trust a tree. Rory

Its not so bad when the wind really cranks up, at least you know where the brush will go. Rory

 

[KentuckySawyer]

"You study long, you study wrong," hollered Gary from the ground as I comtemplated my next move.

"Don't rush, but hurry when you can," Randy.

"And the brush did rain down," Merle the Squirrel

 

[KentuckySawyer]

I forgot one:

My friend Mike was doing a removal and some guy happens by wanting to make small talk. "Taking her down?" he says. To which Mike replys, "No, we're putting it back together."

 

[CoreyTMorine]

I forgot one:

My friend Mike was doing a removal and some guy happens by wanting to make small talk. "Taking her down?" he says. To which Mike replys, "No, we're putting it back together."

LOL right on, thats good stuff.

We all sit down for lunch, the machines are off, and i can hear again, hmm somethings not right. i say as much "i don't know what it is, but suddenly i'm overcome with this feeling of dread, of impeding doom."

we eat lunch and time goes by. i feel better and it occurs to me that maybe it was not dread. "Hey" i yell "i don't think it was impending doom at all, i think i was just hungry."

 

[CoreyTMorine]

Tree quotes 2


Don’t buy iron. Dad

It takes a certain amount of time to do this work, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Rory

Sounds like that guy got paid by the hour. Bob aka “Kuu-kaa” (bob was given his rather crude moniker in honor of the fact that after you spend about 5 minutes with him you feel like s-#-!-t.)

Me- Dad, how come you don’t buy a big log skidder?
“ Asked my father that same question once. He said “its basic arithmetic that prevents such a thing, you see, if I were to by a big log skidder we would be able to cut all of our pulp wood in a couple of years, and at the end of that time I would have no more pulp wood trees and a big log skidder that was only half paid for.””

Handle it once. Jon O’sheas dad.

Me- Dad, how come we don’t buy a big wood chipper so we chip all this stupid little wood?
“Your grandfather would walk a mile through waste deep slash to retrieve a 3 cent piece of pulpwood. Buy a big chipper, chip up all my firewood, and then not be able to get rid of all the wood chips! Don’t buy iron! Cut down all your trees and chippers only half paid for! Rant rant rantJ

If your not done with half of your work by 10 am, you probably won’t finish. dad

 

[Dan F]

If your not done with half of your work by 10 am, you probably won’t finish. dad

Unfortunately, that's not quite right. If you aren't done with half of the work by 10, it's going to be a loooooong day.


Dan

 

[JonnyHart]

I forgot one:

My friend Mike was doing a removal and some guy happens by wanting to make small talk. "Taking her down?" he says. To which Mike replys, "No, we're putting it back together."

While fine pruning a crabapple, a neighbor comes over and asks my foreman, "Taking her down?"
Foreman says " With a pole pruner?! Thats like shaving your head with scissors!"

 

[woodchux]

"The best thing about climbing trees is the renewed sense of love for life and family that it gives me" Chuck

 

[CoreyTMorine]

quotes 3

Tree quotes 3

When your running for your life don’t look back to see how you are doing. Joe Rad

When you are doing something stupid, its best if all parties involved understand just how dangerous it is…unless it involves an excavator, then its best if the operator is pretty new.
(an excavator is sometimes called a track-hoe, or maybe shovel-dozer) Joe Rad

This next story is second hand, from Joe Rad. lets call this fellow John, in honor of all the cantankerous woodcutters named john.

So one day the OSHA inspector walks onto Jon’s landing. “I’m here to look over your procedures and PPE.”
“Oh, is that so. Well how come you can just waltz onto my landing and start looking at anything.”
“Because you are a company with employees working in a dangerous situation, I’m just here to make sure everyone stays safe.”
“You mean if I don’t have any employees you’ll go away?”
“well, yes.”
“You there, good for nothin, knuckle draggin, bone head. Yeah, you, your fired, get the ???? out. And you mr. OSHA man would you be so kind as to remove yourself from my show.”


So we were in line at Mac Donalburger. Matt orders a bacon cheese burger or something. The girl behind the counter asks if he would like to supersize his order. Matt sez “Super size it? ???? no, if I eat any more of that ???? I’ll get sick.”

There’s a few of us in the office when in comes Gab.”Yikes, what happened to your face Gab?” he looked like the elephant man, I mean it was really scary how swollen his face was.
“I dot bitt by a bee, tink I need to go to da hopital.”
The boss is in the office, at this he says, “that’s fine gab, but you’ll have to drive yourself, we need to finish up this safety meeting.”

You need pretty thick skin to be self-employed. Dad

The thing about owning your own company, you might gross $90k in a year, you’ll be lucky to keep 30 of that in your pocket. What that situation buys you though, is time! Ira .rip

Casper and I are up in this oak tree over the road; Ira is down on the ground watching traffic. This guy comes riding by on a bicycle when a hanger falls out of the tree, it hits a few feet in front of him, and he stops.
To Ira he says, “HEY, I ALMOST GOT HIT, IF YOU WERE DOING YOUR JOB THAT WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!”
To the bicycle rider Ira says “And if you wanted to fight about it you would get off of that bike.” Ira .rip

Tea and doughnuts will rot your insides. TM

 

[kennertree]

Never enough time to do it right. Always enough time to do it over.
My father-in-law

 

[Jumper]

"Your other left".

Dan

Also "Your Army Left" Sgt Rock

"Anyone see the cell phone?" Victor (while chipping)

 

[KentuckySawyer]

When my friend Cracker Jack (aka Little Jacky Ganga Seed) decicded to take a job with the City Forestry Division, he didn't tell anybody in the office that he was quitting. Monday and Tuesday he calls in sick, and then Wednesday he doesn't call at all. So the boss calls to see whats going on.
"Yeah, I'm not coming in anymore," says Jack.
"What? Aren't you going to give any notice?" says the boss.
To which Jack replies, "You notice I ain't there."

 

[KentuckySawyer]

Never volunteer for anything. -Murph

 

[Husky288XP]

Believe a quarter of what you hear, and half of what you see. :Eye:

 

[CoreyTMorine]

does that mean you should believe 12.5 % of what you read?

I’d rather watch the show than be the show. Charlie

We can’t get the log truck to these two rails in the back yard. “the neighbors aren’t home, I’ll just drive over their lawn and pull the logs over the fence, what could happen?” mike

So Harry is selling all his gear, my folks go over to look at the bucket truck. Harry starts it up and climbs in the bucket to show dad, he’s up there flying around when the truck stops running. Dad checks the truck “looks like its out of gas.”
“Ah ????!” so harry starts rummaging around in the bucket, he lowers a pass line.
“want me to send you up a rope?”
“no, it’ll come down eventually, send me up some beer.”

I’m up in this big leaf maple in the front yard, I drop a limb that polevaults towards the glass door, narrowly missing it. Mesha eyes me dissaprovingly.
“It was only a small limb.” I say, kind of sheepishly.
“Small limb, maybe big problem Tommy.”

Dad and Harry are going fishing up in Canada. Dad drives over to pick Harry up and start the 8 hour drive to the border. Harry is in the kitchen pouring vodka into a gollon jug and mixing it with blue dye. A few days latter they are up at the camp dad says “what ya having for breakfast harry?”
Harry holds the jug in the air and says “WINDSHIELD WASHER FLUID, HAR HAR HAR.”

Another day Harry is out doing estimates, drunk as a lord at 9 in the morning. He walks out back with the client where she points out the tree to be removed. The tree is quite close, and harry starts to look up at it. he looks up higher and cranes his neck some and bends back as far as he can to get a look at this tree. Eventually he falls right over backwards. Lying there on his back he looks the tree over and then looks at the woman and says “well, that is a big tree.”

 

[Blake22]

You can't drive a cow that's looking at you & you can't push a chain.

If you don't see the sun rise you miss the best part of the day.

 

[iain]

i'm sure that tree wasn't that big when i priced it