here, give her this:
PUBLIC HEALTH PRESS RELEASE
To Whom it May Concern,
Please be advised that a new, previously undiagnosed, medical condition does exist; this condition is referred to by the acronym CAD. This condition, though not fatal (in most cases), can cause great discomfort and pain. After extensive investigation it has been determined that Mr. ___________________ does in fact suffer from CAD. To date there is no known cure, only treatment. The only scientifically recognized treatment consists of the acquisition of, resulting in an ever expanding collection, converted hydrocarbon driven hand-held machinery. One example of the foresaid CHDHHM is a commonly available, yet relatively non-expensive, device known as a chainsaw. Failure to treat this condition has been noted to result in distraction, sleeplessness, and melancholly behavior. Extreme understanding and support is highly indicated in the treatment of this affliction.
If you should have any questions relating to this affliction do not, under any circumstances, pose these questions to the sufferer. Attempts to verbally explain this affliction have been known to result in agitation and deep retroflection often lasting many hours. Questions should be posed to the nearest public health officials.
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