didgeridoo
ArboristSite Lurker
we all love to kid around us tree fellers so heres an opportunity for us all to let rip with the dark sordid humor we all know and love.
tree worker jokes?
- Thread starter didgeridoo
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Darin
No Longer Here
Not that this is a joke but when I heard it, I thought it was funny.
We were at a tub-grinding place one day and these Vietamese guys showed up. One said he left his chainsaw by the brush pile and had they seen it. Yep, the guys said. He had a box and this Husqvarna was in little 1/2 inch chips!!! Then the owner of the place said, Now you owe me $100 for the grinder teeth. Dumping fine is $100. Its funny and its not I know, but the way the guy put it, was classic.
We were at a tub-grinding place one day and these Vietamese guys showed up. One said he left his chainsaw by the brush pile and had they seen it. Yep, the guys said. He had a box and this Husqvarna was in little 1/2 inch chips!!! Then the owner of the place said, Now you owe me $100 for the grinder teeth. Dumping fine is $100. Its funny and its not I know, but the way the guy put it, was classic.
didgeridoo
ArboristSite Lurker
brings back memories
Once upon a time, chipping cypresses that we had just felled, Somebody said hey wheres the loppers? Seconds later the chipper starts coughing and shaking, and nuts and bolts fly out the chute? We knew some damage had been caused (chunks missing from the blades) but how we laughed!
Oh yeah, don't leave your loppers in piles of cypress people!
I heard about a STIHL 020 getting chipped once as well (But i'm not responsible). Still, better than an arm (heard about that one too, yuck!).
Thumbs up to greenmech chippers.
Once upon a time, chipping cypresses that we had just felled, Somebody said hey wheres the loppers? Seconds later the chipper starts coughing and shaking, and nuts and bolts fly out the chute? We knew some damage had been caused (chunks missing from the blades) but how we laughed!
Oh yeah, don't leave your loppers in piles of cypress people!
I heard about a STIHL 020 getting chipped once as well (But i'm not responsible). Still, better than an arm (heard about that one too, yuck!).
Thumbs up to greenmech chippers.
didgeridoo
ArboristSite Lurker
stupid humor.
Why wouldn't the female panda marry the nale panda?
Because he eats shoots and leaves.
(Dont blame me, i heard it from a freind).
Why wouldn't the female panda marry the nale panda?
Because he eats shoots and leaves.
(Dont blame me, i heard it from a freind).
Darin
No Longer Here
I should tell you another story. I owned a repair shop and an employee promised this item welded two days before he actually came in. I had to stop what I was doing and weld this rototiller back into shape. Well, my mechanic tipped up the rear with the engine down. Started welding and and was sitting there holding the thing steady. Welp, since we tipped it and were in a hurry. The gas had started seeping out and I jumped out of the way and he was still welding. The owner of the machine (which he purchased a week before) was watching. We put the fire out and went in the back. We couldn't help but laugh. It was hillarious. Until I had to talk to the guy about it. It started right back up. But instead of white, its black now!!
Deere John
ArboristSite Operative
I had an employee "accidentally" run a 50' length of utility rope through the drum chipper one day. He stood there and laughed - it was really funny. Just like spagetti.
Funny, I haven't seen him since that day!
Funny, I haven't seen him since that day!
svrfsvp
ArboristSite Lurker
Years ago I climbed a dead white pine in a residential setting to secure a pull rope. After struggling up through the branches and getting covered with sap, I got as far as I was going to go and started tying the rope in place. While I was doing that I notice that one of my coworkers has started his saw and is merrily sawing away at the base of the very tree that I am in. "Ride it down!" he hollers up at me. Right, says I, as I scramble to the ground (amazing how much faster one goes towards the earth than away). I got out of the tree and asked him what the heck he was doing - his reply "Gotta break the new guys in right - with a little lumberjack humor." I think the "little" part was accurate!
A distraught woman is calling all over town for help to get a bear out of the large oak tree in her front yard. She finally gets in touch with this good ole boy who says he'll be right over to take care of it. He shows up a short time later with a ferocious looking dog in the back of his pickup. He gets out, looks over the situation and proceeds to hand the woman a shotgun. Then he starts to climb up the tree. Meanwhile, the dog is just sitting there next to the truck staring up at the bear in the tree. The woman yells out, "Wait a minute, what are you doing".
The guy spits out a big wad of chew and says, "Well, ma'am. You see, I'm gonna climb up this here tree and wrastle that bear out of there. The second that bear hits the ground, that there dog is specially trained to grab him by the kahonies and drag him around the yard till he passes out. Then I'm a gonna put him in the truck and take him outta here". He then starts to climb the tree again.
The woman yells out once more, " But why did you give me this shotgun?"
The guy says' "Well, if I get up there and that bear somehow manages to throw me outta the tree, you shoot that damn dog."
The guy spits out a big wad of chew and says, "Well, ma'am. You see, I'm gonna climb up this here tree and wrastle that bear out of there. The second that bear hits the ground, that there dog is specially trained to grab him by the kahonies and drag him around the yard till he passes out. Then I'm a gonna put him in the truck and take him outta here". He then starts to climb the tree again.
The woman yells out once more, " But why did you give me this shotgun?"
The guy says' "Well, if I get up there and that bear somehow manages to throw me outta the tree, you shoot that damn dog."
monkeypuzzle
ArboristSite Guru
Jerry Clower tells a few good ones about trees and tree climbers.The "knock 'em out John " story is one of the funniest things i've ever heard.
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John Paul Sanborn
Above average climber
One winter morning I'm lokking around for my hat. Look in the chip box and it has blaze orange fluff floating all over....
Dave
ArboristSite Guru
A tree guy walks into a bar - OUCH!!! (sorry)
One of the funniest things I ever done while out with the crew was disturb the foreman when he was taking his morning dump in the back of the chip box. For the full story and a few more go to my site.
http://members.tripod.com/treework/page8.html
Dave3
http://members.tripod.com/treework/page8.html
Dave3
homelite360
ArboristSite Operative
i was taking down this one big old oak tree a year ago and for a school project i had to make a how to video. so i figured that i would recurit one of my friends to tape me taking down this tree and processing it. whell i was on my way do ing my cuts to get her down and everything was going just fine and the tree dropped right where i wanted it to. that was pretty good considering that it was 44" at the base. but after i got it all down i set the big saw down and was going to go back and get a smaller saw to start limbing it and i look back and my buddy is laying there on his ass under a pile of branches. what turned out was there was a grape vine going from a dead branch of another near by tree and over tothe one that i took down and when the tree went down it took the branch right down and on top of my buddy. needless to say when we were watching the footage later it was pretty funny to all of the sudden see this giant pile of branches come out of nowheres to on top of the camera. but i put that in the dont's section of the how to video
treeclimber165
Member A.K.A Skwerl
Bear warning
CAUTION! BEAR ALERT!
The Toronto Dept Fish & Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears..They advise people to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells, to alert but not startle the bears. And to carry pepper spray, in case of an encounter with a bear. .
Also to watch for signs of bear activity and be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings..Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur..Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
CAUTION! BEAR ALERT!
The Toronto Dept Fish & Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears..They advise people to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells, to alert but not startle the bears. And to carry pepper spray, in case of an encounter with a bear. .
Also to watch for signs of bear activity and be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings..Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur..Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
John Paul Sanborn
Above average climber
I've heard that in some parks the bells are attracting bears. It means people will run and drop a backpack.
Also that many bears love peperspary, people were spraying their tents thinking it a repellent....
Also that many bears love peperspary, people were spraying their tents thinking it a repellent....
Kneejerk Bombas
ArboristSite King
A guy walks into the local hardware store and asks for the best chain saw they got. The salesman tells him, "This is a real good one, and it can cut 10 cords of wood a day."
So the guy buys it. He goes right home and starts cutting. He cuts all afternoon and in to the nite. At dusk he only has 1/2 of a cord cut. So he figures he'll really give it a go and try again tomorrow, to see if he can cut 10 cords.
Well, the next day comes and he gets up early and cuts all day, even skips lunch. This time dusk comes and he only has 1.5 cords cut.
So the next day he takes the saw back to the store and complains. The clerk says, "Lets take it in back and check it out." So they go in back and the clerk starts it up. The guy jumps back and says, "What's that noise?"
So the guy buys it. He goes right home and starts cutting. He cuts all afternoon and in to the nite. At dusk he only has 1/2 of a cord cut. So he figures he'll really give it a go and try again tomorrow, to see if he can cut 10 cords.
Well, the next day comes and he gets up early and cuts all day, even skips lunch. This time dusk comes and he only has 1.5 cords cut.
So the next day he takes the saw back to the store and complains. The clerk says, "Lets take it in back and check it out." So they go in back and the clerk starts it up. The guy jumps back and says, "What's that noise?"
monkeypuzzle
ArboristSite Guru
I'd like to hire that dude.
Kneejerk Bombas
ArboristSite King
Two arborists met in the park, one carrying a brand new chain saw. The first arborist said:
"Where'd you get that?"
The other answered:
"A gorgeous blonde came up to me, set the saw down on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!"
The first arborist replied:
"Good choice...the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
"Where'd you get that?"
The other answered:
"A gorgeous blonde came up to me, set the saw down on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!"
The first arborist replied:
"Good choice...the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Kevin
Addicted to ArboristSite
An arborist stumbles into the doctors office with a branch protruding from his belly button and says... doc, I don`t feel good.
After looking him over the doctor replies,
you aren`t eating properly!
After looking him over the doctor replies,
you aren`t eating properly!
hooch27
ArboristSite Lurker
hi guys
I had a timber cutting business and I needed a new feller, so I put and ad in the paper and I got this call from this guy that he could cut for me. I asked him if he had experience felling and he said that he cut fire wouod for a lot of years. So I said that i would give him a shot, then I asked him if he had his own saw. he then replied to me yes I do, do you want ot me to bring my extension cord or do you have one? I just laughed and i hung up.
later
hooch
I had a timber cutting business and I needed a new feller, so I put and ad in the paper and I got this call from this guy that he could cut for me. I asked him if he had experience felling and he said that he cut fire wouod for a lot of years. So I said that i would give him a shot, then I asked him if he had his own saw. he then replied to me yes I do, do you want ot me to bring my extension cord or do you have one? I just laughed and i hung up.
later
hooch
