Moss Man
Addicted to ArboristSite
"You keep telling me I am the bestest fastest saw you've ever had, but why are there SO many other saws in the garage?"
What would your chainsaw say if it could talk to you?
- Thread starter almondgt
- Start date
Help Support Arborist Forum:
cpr
Addicted to ArboristSite
Enough with the cookies, when can I eat some real food.
Bounty Hunter
Addicted to ArboristSite
Okay...Here's another blast from the past...
Here's another installment of the tales of our Funky, Disfunctional Family...If you don't talk to your chainsaws, you should...If you don't hear them talk back...Well, that's another tale.
Hope you enjoy...Here we go...
"All right you guys…which one of you wants to go to work today?" “pick me! Pick me! Pick me!” The 200T is always the first to volunteer, the high-strung little climbing saw loves to go every day…even if it’s firewood harvesting and NO ONE leaves the ground…she’s useful for branching logs, so for the most part, she does get to go most of the time.
“We have a really big Ponderosa Pine we’re gonna get, off the Yellow Jacket Trail in Grade Valley...it’s perfect…dead and down, no rot and no beetles or borers. The wood is dry and ready…all we gotta do is cut, split, and load it!”
“How big Boss?” the 880 asked…He is always hoping I would put his 72” bar on…but since the log is just under 5 feet…today is not going to be that day.
“Well Mr. 880 (All MS 088 / 880s are referred to as “Mister”…just so ya know)…Mrs. Bounty Hunter and the crew didn’t like the 48” rounds we were getting last time…I don’t want a mutiny on our hands…so we are going to start at the top of the tree, and work from the little end to the big end. It’s about 150 foot tree, so we will have a bunch of smaller rounds before we get into the 48” ones again”.
That answer did not please the 880, but the 660 and the 066 suddenly got very happy. “Load us up Boss!”
“OK…Both of you can go” I say as I grab their cases…”as long as there’s no nonsense out of either one of you today...Stihl chainsaws seem to have good sense about when to speak up and when to remain silent…
Poulans, however, have no such restraint…”TAKE US! TAKE US! TAKE US!...four of them, in harmony, shouted from the Poulan shelf in the garage. “Sorry guys…” I say as I grab three forestry helmets…”You guys aren’t going. The Ponderosa was dead before it hit the ground, there is no branches, no slash at all…the smallest branch is about a foot in diameter.”
“WE WANNA GOOOOOO!”
Oh Brother…”Geez you guys! I can’t believe you. You don’t like cutting up branches on our tree jobs…which is what yer made for…and all you want to do is cut giant wood, what yer NOT made for.”
“WE WANNA GOOOOOO!”
“Okay” I say jokingly…”Let’s give the 880 a break, and you Poulans can start at the BIG end of the tree, where it’s about 60” across. Your 14” bars and whopping 33 cc’s of Box Store power ought to rip right through it!”
“YIPPPPPPIEEEE! WE GET TO CUT BIG WOOD! YIPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I see, too late obviously, that sarcasm is wasted on Poulans…
“All right…Here’s the deal for today…880, 066, 660 and 440. Today is all about bucking big wood, and noodling some halfs and quarters, so they can be handled easy for the splitter. AND…I HAVE A BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU!”
Chainsaws, unlike most people, dislike surprises.
“Surprise? What Surprise? The 440 asked…She was glad to be picked for today’s lineup, but suddenly wary of the direction the conversation turned. It could be a bad surprise.
I couldn’t wait to show them…This was gonna be fun…With theatrical drama, I lower “Old Grumpy’s” tailgate and say: “Look who’s coming with us to cut today!”
There, sitting stately by himself in the back of the truck, was a 395XP.
Stunned Silence.
The 260 Pro was the first to find her voice…”A HUSKY!!!!...You bought a HUSKY!!!!!??????”
“No, silly girl…I didn’t buy him. He belongs to our friend Pepe who has another tree service company. Pepe insisted that the 395XP is best saw in the world…and he wanted me to try one…So here he is, all you guys give our Husky friend a warm welcome!
More Silence.
The Stihl saws all knew about Husqvarnas…That they are all COMPLETELY STUPID, and you must speak very slowly and carefully to talk to one. Most of the time they are too stupid to understand what you say, so it’s a waste of time to try to talk to one.
Meanwhile, the 395XP was confronted with a dilemma as well…he knew well about Stihls…They are all MORONS AND HOPELESSLY DUMB. you must speak very slowly and carefully to talk to one. Most of the time they are too stupid to understand what you say, so it’s a waste of time to talk to one.
Even the ones with “IntelliCarb”…What an oxymoron the 395XP thought…Why don’t they call it “Stupidcarb”? That would make more sense.
Boss Pepe didn’t tell him about there being any Stihls…Oh Well, I guess it’s going to be a really long day…
“All Right you guys…No Problemo…” I say while loading the 880, 066, 660 and 440 into the truck…”Let’s go git some wood!”
We arrive at the wood cut site about 40 minutes later, and I park the big wood trailer close to the massive fallen Ponderosa. Mrs. Bounty Hunter pulls the splitter around and we unhitch it and move it up by the trailer. The saws were already fueled and oiled, so I select the 066 as the first up.
“thanks, Boss! I’m glad you picked me and not that stupid Husky!”
“Stupid Husky!? Where did that come from? Why don’t you like him?” I say, completely stumped by where that statement was coming from.
The 066 was acting like he was sharing a little secret…”Boss, all Husqvarnas are STUPID…besides, they are all orange”
“All Orange?” I reply…”You don’t like him because he has only one color plastic???? Oh Brother…What did he ever do to you? You can’t not like the orange, yer mostly orange too!!!!!”
“But Boss, it’s a different orange”.
“Oh forgitaboutit…You’re hopeless…let’s git to work”…Choke on…pull twice…burble…choke half…pull…”BRRRRAAAAPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!”
I start cutting rounds at the top of the big Ponderosa, thankfully a lot of this trunk section is slightly off the ground and perfect for bucking rounds. Clayton starts carrying the rounds to the splitter, and making a pile. Mrs. Bounty Hunter has geared up in chaps, gloves and her forestry helmet, and grabbed the 440. She starts easily, and noodles a round in half, and makes a “stand” for future rounds by placing the two halfs face down right next to each other. Clayton rolls the bigger rounds onto these for easy cutting and less risk.
In the back of the truck, the 395XP and 880 waited…uncomfortably.
The 880 is thinking: “what am I supposed to do now…this Husky is too STUPID to talk…I wish the Boss had at least brought the 200T…she never shuts up…it makes the time go faster…”
The 395XP was watching the 066 cutting a round, and noticed the log fracturing along its length, as the weight was being supported by the branch end stuck deeply into the ground under the round being cut. “HEY! TEMPORARY BOSS! He called, hoping to get my attention. Looking down, I didn’t see the big log starting to fracture.
But a split second later, I sure knew about it…the log split in different places along the saw kerf, and badly pinched the 066’s 28 inch bar.
The 066 came to an abrupt stop, and was locked in the log like a vise.
“Are you OK? I ask the 066…”
“MMMUUUUGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOFFFFFFFF!” Said the 066…
“What did he say????” I ask, figuring the 660, sitting nearby would be most able to translate…
“Uhhhhhh Boss….” The 660 began…”I’m not completely sure, but I think he said: I’M STUCK! Get me the outta here!”
“Geez…I think to myself…I speak chainsaw better than that…I’m pretty sure he said: “I’M STUCK! Get me the outta here you big, dumb Biker!”
That’s OK tho…I forgive ya…I might say something out-of-character too if I had MY BAR stuck in a tree…
“So guys, let’s cut him out. Who volunteers?
To my complete and utter surprise…the 395XP was first up. I couldn’t believe it, since he heard every word the 066 had said before we started cutting…”Stupid Husky” came back to mind…
“OK, yer up 395XP. But I will say I it’s mighty fine of ya to help the 066 out after all the unkind things he said.”
“Well, the 395XP began…I had a chance to watch this crew in action, and you all are a pretty nice little family. That 440 over there noodling rounds? She is a really hard worker, strong and fast…and I think she’s kinda pretty too.”
And the 660…He’s cool…I like all you guys, and I just want to help out.”
“Way Cool” I say as I fire him up, and warm him up a bit before going after the stuck 066. It took a relief cut under the log and wedge off the top to get him out. I was very pleased with the weight and power of the 395XP…this was definitely a strong saw. I like the balance too, he had a nice neutral feel and vibration was minimal…Hmmmmm…Just might have to git me one of these…I don’t consider myself a Stihl snob, they just all I’ve ever used…and all my father used too…And best of all, I liked his attitude, especially after the 066 Diss’ed him.
We finished cutting enough rounds for our quota, and began the splitting process. Fortunately, there were few knots and the splitting went very fast. The end of the day came, after the truck and trailer were fully loaded with split wood. We would deliver and unload tomorrow, as it was too late today. I loaded the saws up, feeling pretty good about how everything had turned out…happy that the Husky had found some friends in our Stihl family. Matter of fact, he was sitt’in there all cuddled up with the 440…he’s flirting with her…Oh Brother…How am I going to get him back to Pepe now? Maybe I’ll just buy him…
Here's another installment of the tales of our Funky, Disfunctional Family...If you don't talk to your chainsaws, you should...If you don't hear them talk back...Well, that's another tale.
Hope you enjoy...Here we go...
"All right you guys…which one of you wants to go to work today?" “pick me! Pick me! Pick me!” The 200T is always the first to volunteer, the high-strung little climbing saw loves to go every day…even if it’s firewood harvesting and NO ONE leaves the ground…she’s useful for branching logs, so for the most part, she does get to go most of the time.
“We have a really big Ponderosa Pine we’re gonna get, off the Yellow Jacket Trail in Grade Valley...it’s perfect…dead and down, no rot and no beetles or borers. The wood is dry and ready…all we gotta do is cut, split, and load it!”
“How big Boss?” the 880 asked…He is always hoping I would put his 72” bar on…but since the log is just under 5 feet…today is not going to be that day.
“Well Mr. 880 (All MS 088 / 880s are referred to as “Mister”…just so ya know)…Mrs. Bounty Hunter and the crew didn’t like the 48” rounds we were getting last time…I don’t want a mutiny on our hands…so we are going to start at the top of the tree, and work from the little end to the big end. It’s about 150 foot tree, so we will have a bunch of smaller rounds before we get into the 48” ones again”.
That answer did not please the 880, but the 660 and the 066 suddenly got very happy. “Load us up Boss!”
“OK…Both of you can go” I say as I grab their cases…”as long as there’s no nonsense out of either one of you today...Stihl chainsaws seem to have good sense about when to speak up and when to remain silent…
Poulans, however, have no such restraint…”TAKE US! TAKE US! TAKE US!...four of them, in harmony, shouted from the Poulan shelf in the garage. “Sorry guys…” I say as I grab three forestry helmets…”You guys aren’t going. The Ponderosa was dead before it hit the ground, there is no branches, no slash at all…the smallest branch is about a foot in diameter.”
“WE WANNA GOOOOOO!”
Oh Brother…”Geez you guys! I can’t believe you. You don’t like cutting up branches on our tree jobs…which is what yer made for…and all you want to do is cut giant wood, what yer NOT made for.”
“WE WANNA GOOOOOO!”
“Okay” I say jokingly…”Let’s give the 880 a break, and you Poulans can start at the BIG end of the tree, where it’s about 60” across. Your 14” bars and whopping 33 cc’s of Box Store power ought to rip right through it!”
“YIPPPPPPIEEEE! WE GET TO CUT BIG WOOD! YIPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I see, too late obviously, that sarcasm is wasted on Poulans…
“All right…Here’s the deal for today…880, 066, 660 and 440. Today is all about bucking big wood, and noodling some halfs and quarters, so they can be handled easy for the splitter. AND…I HAVE A BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU!”
Chainsaws, unlike most people, dislike surprises.
“Surprise? What Surprise? The 440 asked…She was glad to be picked for today’s lineup, but suddenly wary of the direction the conversation turned. It could be a bad surprise.
I couldn’t wait to show them…This was gonna be fun…With theatrical drama, I lower “Old Grumpy’s” tailgate and say: “Look who’s coming with us to cut today!”
There, sitting stately by himself in the back of the truck, was a 395XP.
Stunned Silence.
The 260 Pro was the first to find her voice…”A HUSKY!!!!...You bought a HUSKY!!!!!??????”
“No, silly girl…I didn’t buy him. He belongs to our friend Pepe who has another tree service company. Pepe insisted that the 395XP is best saw in the world…and he wanted me to try one…So here he is, all you guys give our Husky friend a warm welcome!
More Silence.
The Stihl saws all knew about Husqvarnas…That they are all COMPLETELY STUPID, and you must speak very slowly and carefully to talk to one. Most of the time they are too stupid to understand what you say, so it’s a waste of time to try to talk to one.
Meanwhile, the 395XP was confronted with a dilemma as well…he knew well about Stihls…They are all MORONS AND HOPELESSLY DUMB. you must speak very slowly and carefully to talk to one. Most of the time they are too stupid to understand what you say, so it’s a waste of time to talk to one.
Even the ones with “IntelliCarb”…What an oxymoron the 395XP thought…Why don’t they call it “Stupidcarb”? That would make more sense.
Boss Pepe didn’t tell him about there being any Stihls…Oh Well, I guess it’s going to be a really long day…
“All Right you guys…No Problemo…” I say while loading the 880, 066, 660 and 440 into the truck…”Let’s go git some wood!”
We arrive at the wood cut site about 40 minutes later, and I park the big wood trailer close to the massive fallen Ponderosa. Mrs. Bounty Hunter pulls the splitter around and we unhitch it and move it up by the trailer. The saws were already fueled and oiled, so I select the 066 as the first up.
“thanks, Boss! I’m glad you picked me and not that stupid Husky!”
“Stupid Husky!? Where did that come from? Why don’t you like him?” I say, completely stumped by where that statement was coming from.
The 066 was acting like he was sharing a little secret…”Boss, all Husqvarnas are STUPID…besides, they are all orange”
“All Orange?” I reply…”You don’t like him because he has only one color plastic???? Oh Brother…What did he ever do to you? You can’t not like the orange, yer mostly orange too!!!!!”
“But Boss, it’s a different orange”.
“Oh forgitaboutit…You’re hopeless…let’s git to work”…Choke on…pull twice…burble…choke half…pull…”BRRRRAAAAPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!”
I start cutting rounds at the top of the big Ponderosa, thankfully a lot of this trunk section is slightly off the ground and perfect for bucking rounds. Clayton starts carrying the rounds to the splitter, and making a pile. Mrs. Bounty Hunter has geared up in chaps, gloves and her forestry helmet, and grabbed the 440. She starts easily, and noodles a round in half, and makes a “stand” for future rounds by placing the two halfs face down right next to each other. Clayton rolls the bigger rounds onto these for easy cutting and less risk.
In the back of the truck, the 395XP and 880 waited…uncomfortably.
The 880 is thinking: “what am I supposed to do now…this Husky is too STUPID to talk…I wish the Boss had at least brought the 200T…she never shuts up…it makes the time go faster…”
The 395XP was watching the 066 cutting a round, and noticed the log fracturing along its length, as the weight was being supported by the branch end stuck deeply into the ground under the round being cut. “HEY! TEMPORARY BOSS! He called, hoping to get my attention. Looking down, I didn’t see the big log starting to fracture.
But a split second later, I sure knew about it…the log split in different places along the saw kerf, and badly pinched the 066’s 28 inch bar.
The 066 came to an abrupt stop, and was locked in the log like a vise.
“Are you OK? I ask the 066…”
“MMMUUUUGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOFFFFFFFF!” Said the 066…
“What did he say????” I ask, figuring the 660, sitting nearby would be most able to translate…
“Uhhhhhh Boss….” The 660 began…”I’m not completely sure, but I think he said: I’M STUCK! Get me the outta here!”
“Geez…I think to myself…I speak chainsaw better than that…I’m pretty sure he said: “I’M STUCK! Get me the outta here you big, dumb Biker!”
That’s OK tho…I forgive ya…I might say something out-of-character too if I had MY BAR stuck in a tree…
“So guys, let’s cut him out. Who volunteers?
To my complete and utter surprise…the 395XP was first up. I couldn’t believe it, since he heard every word the 066 had said before we started cutting…”Stupid Husky” came back to mind…
“OK, yer up 395XP. But I will say I it’s mighty fine of ya to help the 066 out after all the unkind things he said.”
“Well, the 395XP began…I had a chance to watch this crew in action, and you all are a pretty nice little family. That 440 over there noodling rounds? She is a really hard worker, strong and fast…and I think she’s kinda pretty too.”
And the 660…He’s cool…I like all you guys, and I just want to help out.”
“Way Cool” I say as I fire him up, and warm him up a bit before going after the stuck 066. It took a relief cut under the log and wedge off the top to get him out. I was very pleased with the weight and power of the 395XP…this was definitely a strong saw. I like the balance too, he had a nice neutral feel and vibration was minimal…Hmmmmm…Just might have to git me one of these…I don’t consider myself a Stihl snob, they just all I’ve ever used…and all my father used too…And best of all, I liked his attitude, especially after the 066 Diss’ed him.
We finished cutting enough rounds for our quota, and began the splitting process. Fortunately, there were few knots and the splitting went very fast. The end of the day came, after the truck and trailer were fully loaded with split wood. We would deliver and unload tomorrow, as it was too late today. I loaded the saws up, feeling pretty good about how everything had turned out…happy that the Husky had found some friends in our Stihl family. Matter of fact, he was sitt’in there all cuddled up with the 440…he’s flirting with her…Oh Brother…How am I going to get him back to Pepe now? Maybe I’ll just buy him…
the constant fighting and bickering
As I walk past my shop I hear the quarrels between the Mac and homie," You rode on the tractor last, now it's my turn, stuff it big yellow!!!"
As I walk past my shop I hear the quarrels between the Mac and homie," You rode on the tractor last, now it's my turn, stuff it big yellow!!!"
promac850
formerly promac610
No. :bulgy-eyes:
almondgt
Addicted to ArboristSite
My saw keeps on harping ...HOW do you EXPECT me to CUT straight if you are always holding me at an ANGLE???????? I pull the bar out of the cut and say WHAT? It's all your fault, Huskies all lean to one side:msp_smile:
:chainsawguy:
:chainsawguy:
"Kill them. Kill them all!"
XJWoody
ArboristSite Guru
MS 460 calls XJWoody a Big Dummy
A tale of no good deed going unpunished:
Bro-in-law calls @ 0800 this morning with woe-ish lament of a sick 029 Super. I suspect saw abuse, but I'm the medic & not a social worker or here to judge anyone, so I counsel let me pull compression then maybe muffler to assess.
To get a baseline on my gauge, I removed the plug from my really low hour 029S, and pulled 130# (+- a little) 3x... I did the same on my fresh 346XP, got similar #s, first pull-up was 143#+- last two were 130#ish. I did a bit of filter maint. & noted the 346 plug looked a tad rich...:msp_biggrin: I did a non-cat + opened muffler & readjusted the mix when brand new, and it's had a few gallons of Ultra HP/premium mix through it in the past year.
Well I got the bright idea to pull the comp up on my 460, and I got lost in detail cleaning as I dug in towards the plug lead... Once I got to the point of needing to pull the plug, I managed to pull the wire spring clip off the end of the coil wire. :msp_angry: and when my back was turned, and it thought I was not listening, I heard it call me a dumbaxe! And I must concur. :msp_sad:
So now I have this vulgar 460, upon whom I a must attempt to solder the wire clip back onto the lead (hopefully remembering to put the boot on -in the proper direction- beforehand) so we can get back to our regularly scheduled chainsaw massacring program. Or we'll be paying an unscheduled visit to the local Expensive New Coil When Just A :censored: Wire & Boot Would Fix It Store.
A tale of no good deed going unpunished:
Bro-in-law calls @ 0800 this morning with woe-ish lament of a sick 029 Super. I suspect saw abuse, but I'm the medic & not a social worker or here to judge anyone, so I counsel let me pull compression then maybe muffler to assess.
To get a baseline on my gauge, I removed the plug from my really low hour 029S, and pulled 130# (+- a little) 3x... I did the same on my fresh 346XP, got similar #s, first pull-up was 143#+- last two were 130#ish. I did a bit of filter maint. & noted the 346 plug looked a tad rich...:msp_biggrin: I did a non-cat + opened muffler & readjusted the mix when brand new, and it's had a few gallons of Ultra HP/premium mix through it in the past year.
Well I got the bright idea to pull the comp up on my 460, and I got lost in detail cleaning as I dug in towards the plug lead... Once I got to the point of needing to pull the plug, I managed to pull the wire spring clip off the end of the coil wire. :msp_angry: and when my back was turned, and it thought I was not listening, I heard it call me a dumbaxe! And I must concur. :msp_sad:
So now I have this vulgar 460, upon whom I a must attempt to solder the wire clip back onto the lead (hopefully remembering to put the boot on -in the proper direction- beforehand) so we can get back to our regularly scheduled chainsaw massacring program. Or we'll be paying an unscheduled visit to the local Expensive New Coil When Just A :censored: Wire & Boot Would Fix It Store.
Last edited:
Oroles
ArboristSite Operative
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2010
- Messages
- 198
- Reaction score
- 117
your finger tickles me, can`t you hear me scream ?
Oroles
ArboristSite Operative
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2010
- Messages
- 198
- Reaction score
- 117
Originally Posted by Anthony_Va.
Sawtroll's saw would say: "We need to talk. I'm leaving you because we never go out anymore. Whats wrong with me that you don't like anymore? Is it my sideways balance? We're through!"
Thats funny...them darn 346xp's
you are wrong: it would say: "I can do whatever I want; you`ll never leave me; I have the best sideways balance"
and it would be right I might ad. make fun of ST all you want, you blasphemous Stihl lovers (me included) but the man has a good point there.
Sawtroll's saw would say: "We need to talk. I'm leaving you because we never go out anymore. Whats wrong with me that you don't like anymore? Is it my sideways balance? We're through!"
Thats funny...them darn 346xp's
you are wrong: it would say: "I can do whatever I want; you`ll never leave me; I have the best sideways balance"
and it would be right I might ad. make fun of ST all you want, you blasphemous Stihl lovers (me included) but the man has a good point there.
G
GoRving
Guest
"Stop giving me and my friends away....We're better than that"
prentice110
SpongeBob Fap Pants
"Why dont you fix us?". asked the 50 or so in need of a few K in parts. I repond with, "cuz theres still 15 that run, and 2 new 372s still in the box.".
Bieber
ArboristSite Operative
Mine would say:
Dolmar: the b++++++ always leaves me at home. next time i'll
throw off my chain.
MS440: I could need more of them big steaks...
Dolmar: the b++++++ always leaves me at home. next time i'll
throw off my chain.
MS440: I could need more of them big steaks...
RandyMac
Stiff Member
"WTF did you think was going to happen?"
4x4American
Got Sawdust?
How ya like them apples
