Ten things I hate about you

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Been around the firewood business all my life. Most customers are great to deal with. Occasionaly you get the P.I.A. customer. I never sold firewood to the general public myself (sold to firewood dealers on log truck), but I used to deliver wood with my grandfather and all his customers were nice people. Some had bought wood from him for 20 years or more. He usually only accepted cash only and when people he hadn't sold to before asked who to make the check out to he told them cash only. If they gave him a hard time he'd tell them "no cash. no wood." He also wouldn't dump on uneven ground. A 16' twin piston dump body with 4 cords of wood is a bit tippy. Had one guy try to have me guide grampy to dump in a terrible spot. Uneven, trees in the way,tree roots sitcking out of the ground. I said noway. He says why not. I say you want 4 cords of wood plus a truck dumped where you really don't want it? he asks if the turck ever tipped over before? I say nope. we don't dump where the truck will tip over. In the meantime I stop grampy just in front of where the customer wanted the load dumped and tripped the gate. told the guy to step back. dump goes up the guy still trying to get us to dump back further. load starts coming out. i tell customer to wait a minute and talk to grampy and walk away. truck unloaded guy shows grampy where he wanted the load dumped, grampy tells the guy same thing i did. Customer is happy with the wood calls back the next year. Grampy doesn't sell to him. So yeah wood customer can be irratating but in general most are decent hardworking people just like we are.
 
#54 If you order your wood in Jan or Feb don't be totally shocked when it shows up in your driveway with snow on it.

#55 When you call to order please don't ask if the wood will have more or less bark on it than last year. I wasn't aware that trees grew more bark one year than the next.

#56 If you choose to have your wood delivered in the winter and it just snowed a foot make sure the very next call you make after you call me is to your plowboy.A loaded tri-axle don't go where a SUV does.
 
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I live in a rural area and no one uses addresses.

What they like to do is give directions and include a landmark of something which "used to be there".

So they will say drive down such and so road until you get to where the red barn used to be, etc. (And that red barn has not been there for 15 years!)

It does not occur to them that someone may be "new" to the area and not know where that red barn was...


Another good one.."Drive down the road till you get to the white farm house on the left, then keep going, ours is another few miles on the right. ". oh and.."if you get lost, just call, but be sure to leave a message as I may be out mowing."

:monkey:
 
When I call and say I will be there in 21 minutes and 30 seconds, please control your primal urges to get frisky with your spouse. I do not like to surprise people getting busy on the LR floor and it is hard to communicate with folks that are suffering from coitus interruptus. It makes your head pretty empty and thus hard to do business with.

Sounds like someone has a story to tell.:eek:
 
Here, I did a few minor changes to my list, maybe this will be more to your liking?

1. Of course I take checks!.I take checks,cash, all major credit cards, food stamps, dead and live chickens, farm produce, your first born as long as he is potty trained, pesos, euros, canadian currency, a quickie with your wife or oldest daughter.
Car parts, tractor parts, barn wood, owl droppings, chicken manure, cow dung, doggie doo doos.
computer parts, wood carvings, good used tires, loads of gravel, firewood, peat moss, flowers,old newspapers, aluminum,brass,copper and other scrap metal.We take any form of payment!

2.You have a lovely home.I am hoping that the few particles of wood chips that fall from my truck will not bother you until I have the time to sweep them up.

3.You have such a lively little doggie.He looks so cute attached to my brand new levis.Whats his name?

4.Dont mind the scratches on my truck, I needed a new one anyway.The worried look on my face from your driveway being stapled on the side of a hill will go away once the afore mentioned doggie tears my leg off.How cute!

5.This is the finest firewood you have ever had delivered.May I lay a fire for you?

6.I give discounts to veterans, old folks, white folks, black folks, illegal immigrants, dog and cat owners, and anyone who has a fireplace or woodstove.
7.I may be a rip off artist, but I am the friendliest rip off artist you have ever met.I will be happy to stop at the sheriffs office on the way home and politely request 164 lashes.

8.I am happy to deliver in a snow storm.It merly provides me with a little excitement that is so lacking in my life.

9.I turned at the herd of goats like you suggested.Eleven hours later ,but hey, here I am!

10. Maam,you look lovely in that pink bathrobe!My, you certainly are well endowed!My wife would be so jealous!May I have your autograph?You remind me of Michael Jackson...ummm, I mean Whitney Houston. Firewood is on me today!

:clap::clap:
Great posts!
 
:clap:1,4,6,7,8, and 9 lol i thought i was only one who put up with this stuff. i say tis a great post.:clap:
 
See? See? That's just mean! You should take him whether he's potty trained or not!


You just love treating people badly, don't you? :mad:



:D

I actually threw that in for a reason, I had a bad experience with a "helper" that I picked up one day in such a fashion.

I delivered a load of wood one day to an older couple.they were a little short on cash,but didn't complain about the cost of wood.I could see when I got there that they really didn't have a whole lot.
During conversation while unloading, the elderly guy mentioned that his son was in need of work and was rather skilled with a chainsaw.I asked the guy if his son was so skilled, why did they need to buy firewood?
He replied with what I thought was an acceptable answer.They had hocked their chainsaw intending to get it back when they got caught up on bills, but it never happened.Plus, they really didn't have any place to go and cut wood. I had a large clearing job coming up the next week, and thought maybe I could help them out by giving him a few days of work.

The guy called his son out, and in all honesty he looked like a real gem.6ft tall, 250lbs of muscle and appeared to be of at least average intelligence.I explained the job I had coming up, and we agreed on a time and hourly wages.I left feeling better knowing that maybe I had brightened their lives and I had some help.I had hoped to find some help before I started that job.

The following Monday,I picked the guy up bright and early and we headed out.It was cold and the heat was running full blast to keep me and the saws thawed out.After he climbed in, I noticed immediately that this guy was not the same guy I had met before.No longer talkative, but rather sat there with a menacing glare at his feet.Questions and chatter on my part was met with one word answers and grunts. Then I noticed the smell starting to envelope the cab of the truck.

Okay,we all have a little gas from time to time,and to be honest, it was a relief in some ways.My saws in the back seat had a tendency to burp gas fumes from the tank when they got to warm in the truck.I figured that a little extra from the passenger seat merrily stated the fact that he felt comfortable enough around me to let a few fly.No big deal.
By the time we got to the job site however, the smell was truly overwhelming.Eyes watering, I was relieved to spot the gate across the driveway,signaling the fact that there was a God kind enough to give me a reason to step out of the cab to open the gate.

I was relieved to get the work started, fresh air at last.I truly wondered how anyone could emit such fumes in such a short period of time, but I guess I just chalked that up to another of his "skills" that his dad had mentioned.When we stopped for lunch, I began to realize what a treat I was in for.I had the standard fare of a working guy, a sandwich or two that the wife had thoughtfully packaged up for the day.Mica, on the other hand, was used to a fare that I had never seen before.

As he unrolled his lunch, a very familiar smell began to overtake our stump perches.The birds quite singing, the squirrels disappeared, and a few buzzards began to circle overhead.I began to uneasily look around for the wood fairies, they generally showed up about this time.
At last the tinfoil was unraveled, and there to my shock and horror where two good sized catfish, raw as the day that they were yanked out of the local lake.Even through my watering eyes, I could tell that they had been hanging around long past their prime, but with a few dashes of ketchup old Mica swallowed them down, taking time once in awhile to spit out a few bones that were complaining about making the trip down his gullet.

Now,I understand the concept of sushi, but I really don't remember anything about sushi being not only raw but rotten as well.But apparently the taste and texture agreed with Mica, he did a thorough job of swallowing them down, complete with a good polishing of his fingers and tinfoil.Funny how even though I had been working for hours, my sandwiches no longer had any appeal.

We broke from lunch, and as he was leaning into the bed of the truck to put up his lunch box, I couldn't help but stare at his backside.A clear and very obvious testimony to his diet was rather apparent to his overalls, and I began to become concerned as to the condition of the upholstery in my truck.What was a guy supposed to do, have him sit on an old jacket on the way home?
The rest of the day passed without event, and the ride home was truly memorable.In fact, it invaded my sleep for weeks after that job was done.
 
:jawdrop::jawdrop::jawdrop: The stories you have...unbelievable (shaking my head).

Kevin

That one deserved rep, but I can't do it...I'm sure someone will be along shortly.
 
I actually threw that in for a reason, I had a bad experience with a "helper" that I picked up one day in such a fashion.

I delivered a load of wood one day to an older couple.they were a little short on cash,but didn't complain about the cost of wood.I could see when I got there that they really didn't have a whole lot.
During conversation while unloading, the elderly guy mentioned that his son was in need of work and was rather skilled with a chainsaw.I asked the guy if his son was so skilled, why did they need to buy firewood?
He replied with what I thought was an acceptable answer.They had hocked their chainsaw intending to get it back when they got caught up on bills, but it never happened.Plus, they really didn't have any place to go and cut wood. I had a large clearing job coming up the next week, and thought maybe I could help them out by giving him a few days of work.

The guy called his son out, and in all honesty he looked like a real gem.6ft tall, 250lbs of muscle and appeared to be of at least average intelligence.I explained the job I had coming up, and we agreed on a time and hourly wages.I left feeling better knowing that maybe I had brightened their lives and I had some help.I had hoped to find some help before I started that job.

The following Monday,I picked the guy up bright and early and we headed out.It was cold and the heat was running full blast to keep me and the saws thawed out.After he climbed in, I noticed immediately that this guy was not the same guy I had met before.No longer talkative, but rather sat there with a menacing glare at his feet.Questions and chatter on my part was met with one word answers and grunts. Then I noticed the smell starting to envelope the cab of the truck.

Okay,we all have a little gas from time to time,and to be honest, it was a relief in some ways.My saws in the back seat had a tendency to burp gas fumes from the tank when they got to warm in the truck.I figured that a little extra from the passenger seat merrily stated the fact that he felt comfortable enough around me to let a few fly.No big deal.
By the time we got to the job site however, the smell was truly overwhelming.Eyes watering, I was relieved to spot the gate across the driveway,signaling the fact that there was a God kind enough to give me a reason to step out of the cab to open the gate.

I was relieved to get the work started, fresh air at last.I truly wondered how anyone could emit such fumes in such a short period of time, but I guess I just chalked that up to another of his "skills" that his dad had mentioned.When we stopped for lunch, I began to realize what a treat I was in for.I had the standard fare of a working guy, a sandwich or two that the wife had thoughtfully packaged up for the day.Mica, on the other hand, was used to a fare that I had never seen before.

As he unrolled his lunch, a very familiar smell began to overtake our stump perches.The birds quite singing, the squirrels disappeared, and a few buzzards began to circle overhead.I began to uneasily look around for the wood fairies, they generally showed up about this time.
At last the tinfoil was unraveled, and there to my shock and horror where two good sized catfish, raw as the day that they were yanked out of the local lake.Even through my watering eyes, I could tell that they had been hanging around long past their prime, but with a few dashes of ketchup old Mica swallowed them down, taking time once in awhile to spit out a few bones that were complaining about making the trip down his gullet.

Now,I understand the concept of sushi, but I really don't remember anything about sushi being not only raw but rotten as well.But apparently the taste and texture agreed with Mica, he did a thorough job of swallowing them down, complete with a good polishing of his fingers and tinfoil.Funny how even though I had been working for hours, my sandwiches no longer had any appeal.

We broke from lunch, and as he was leaning into the bed of the truck to put up his lunch box, I couldn't help but stare at his backside.A clear and very obvious testimony to his diet was rather apparent to his overalls, and I began to become concerned as to the condition of the upholstery in my truck.What was a guy supposed to do, have him sit on an old jacket on the way home?
The rest of the day passed without event, and the ride home was truly memorable.In fact, it invaded my sleep for weeks after that job was done.

I think it safe to say you have the bets stories on AS!!
 
I agree with most of it but you need to ad the response I always get.
THERE ARE 2 OTHER ADS SELLING FOR MUCH LESS! Than why are you calling me? I have yet to even place an ad this year since there are 10 other guys selling cords for anywhere from $60 to $150. I don't need to get rich but people need to understand as you said how much work goes into a stick of wood that you put in your fireplace. I tell customers that one piece of wood is handled a minimum of 5 times before it gets turned into heat. Drop the tree load the wood unload the wood cut the wood split the wood deliver the wood and unload the wood! Wait that 6, granted I use dump trailers and loaders to make things easier but with convenience comes a hell of a-lot of money as well. My attitude is this, if I can't break even on the 200 plus cords I have setting right now i'll have the counties biggest bon fire. Actually a guy called the other day and asked the price and I told him and explained that the softest wood I have is maple and very little of that, mostly ash and oak, locust, hard maple as well. The fella was very polite and I could tell he was older as well and went on to tell me that he was the victim of a layoff from the auto industry and that he was in good enough health to cut his own wood but his wife had recently lost her vision in a freak accident and wasn't able to leave her alone. He then thanked me for my time and would call me in a month or so when his unemeployment started coming in as he trusted my supply and realized cheaper isn't always better. Long story short, my wife filled her car up 20 miles down the road not long ago and realized she forgot her purse, the gas attendant was blowing her crap, she was in tears and i'm in the bucket and never heard the phone ring. A gentleman heard what was going on while she was out in her car balling her eyes out the stranger paid for her $55 in gas walked out without a thank you and said pay it forward. Anyways the layed off fella who was saving for a load of wood heard my diesel back in and an 8x16 dump trailer/ 2cords raise up and a card from my wife that said happy holidays and to pay it forward as best you can! I gotta tell ya the beer tasted real good that night and I watched a 60 yr old man cry like a high school girl with a broken heart and figured I may have scored some points with the guy upstairs, and oh how I need those!
 
I agree with most of it but you need to ad the response I always get.
THERE ARE 2 OTHER ADS SELLING FOR MUCH LESS! Than why are you calling me? I have yet to even place an ad this year since there are 10 other guys selling cords for anywhere from $60 to $150. I don't need to get rich but people need to understand as you said how much work goes into a stick of wood that you put in your fireplace. I tell customers that one piece of wood is handled a minimum of 5 times before it gets turned into heat. Drop the tree load the wood unload the wood cut the wood split the wood deliver the wood and unload the wood! Wait that 6, granted I use dump trailers and loaders to make things easier but with convenience comes a hell of a-lot of money as well. My attitude is this, if I can't break even on the 200 plus cords I have setting right now i'll have the counties biggest bon fire. Actually a guy called the other day and asked the price and I told him and explained that the softest wood I have is maple and very little of that, mostly ash and oak, locust, hard maple as well. The fella was very polite and I could tell he was older as well and went on to tell me that he was the victim of a layoff from the auto industry and that he was in good enough health to cut his own wood but his wife had recently lost her vision in a freak accident and wasn't able to leave her alone. He then thanked me for my time and would call me in a month or so when his unemeployment started coming in as he trusted my supply and realized cheaper isn't always better. Long story short, my wife filled her car up 20 miles down the road not long ago and realized she forgot her purse, the gas attendant was blowing her crap, she was in tears and i'm in the bucket and never heard the phone ring. A gentleman heard what was going on while she was out in her car balling her eyes out the stranger paid for her $55 in gas walked out without a thank you and said pay it forward. Anyways the layed off fella who was saving for a load of wood heard my diesel back in and an 8x16 dump trailer/ 2cords raise up and a card from my wife that said happy holidays and to pay it forward as best you can! I gotta tell ya the beer tasted real good that night and I watched a 60 yr old man cry like a high school girl with a broken heart and figured I may have scored some points with the guy upstairs, and oh how I need those!

Gotta love these types of stories!
 
I actually threw that in for a reason, I had a bad experience with a "helper" that I picked up one day in such a fashion.
....
As he unrolled his lunch, a very familiar smell began to overtake our stump perches.The birds quite singing, the squirrels disappeared, and a few buzzards began to circle overhead.I began to uneasily look around for the wood fairies, they generally showed up about this time.
.....
The rest of the day passed without event, and the ride home was truly memorable.In fact, it invaded my sleep for weeks after that job was done.

What have you been doing that has them mad at you, cutting Hawthorne and Holly trees then burning the slash pile that was once their home ?
 
What have you been doing that has them mad at you, cutting Hawthorne and Holly trees then burning the slash pile that was once their home ?


Never did anything to the little buggers, they always show up when things are going downhill.Kinda like to hit you when you are at your worst.last time the little guys visited me they kept loosening up the fill cap for my climbing saw.Nothing worse than losing your fuel when 50ft up in a tree with the HO watching.Except climbing down a fuel soaked line,hoping and praying that the fuel didnt weaken the rope up.....
I have tried bribery, leave an half eaten snicker bar on the tailgate helps.They spend most their time trying to pick the nuts out of the gaps in their teeth and leave you alone.Bubble gum works good to except they find the neatest places to leave their chew when they have chewed the flavor out of it.Last time they left an entire pack chewed up on the seat of my truck and I ended up trying to explain to the waitress at the local Denny's why I had gum stuck all over my butt and all over her chair.For some reason she just didnt believe me.Shoot, you would think the puddle of sawdust under the table would have been proof enough.
 
I agree with most of it but you need to ad the response I always get.
THERE ARE 2 OTHER ADS SELLING FOR MUCH LESS! Than why are you calling me? I have yet to even place an ad this year since there are 10 other guys selling cords for anywhere from $60 to $150. I don't need to get rich but people need to understand as you said how much work goes into a stick of wood that you put in your fireplace. I tell customers that one piece of wood is handled a minimum of 5 times before it gets turned into heat. Drop the tree load the wood unload the wood cut the wood split the wood deliver the wood and unload the wood! Wait that 6, granted I use dump trailers and loaders to make things easier but with convenience comes a hell of a-lot of money as well. My attitude is this, if I can't break even on the 200 plus cords I have setting right now i'll have the counties biggest bon fire. Actually a guy called the other day and asked the price and I told him and explained that the softest wood I have is maple and very little of that, mostly ash and oak, locust, hard maple as well. The fella was very polite and I could tell he was older as well and went on to tell me that he was the victim of a layoff from the auto industry and that he was in good enough health to cut his own wood but his wife had recently lost her vision in a freak accident and wasn't able to leave her alone. He then thanked me for my time and would call me in a month or so when his unemeployment started coming in as he trusted my supply and realized cheaper isn't always better. Long story short, my wife filled her car up 20 miles down the road not long ago and realized she forgot her purse, the gas attendant was blowing her crap, she was in tears and i'm in the bucket and never heard the phone ring. A gentleman heard what was going on while she was out in her car balling her eyes out the stranger paid for her $55 in gas walked out without a thank you and said pay it forward. Anyways the layed off fella who was saving for a load of wood heard my diesel back in and an 8x16 dump trailer/ 2cords raise up and a card from my wife that said happy holidays and to pay it forward as best you can! I gotta tell ya the beer tasted real good that night and I watched a 60 yr old man cry like a high school girl with a broken heart and figured I may have scored some points with the guy upstairs, and oh how I need those!

Your a good man Charlie Brown!Nothing better than helping a guy out and the great feeling that you take away from it.Sometimes its worth the cash you didnt get out of it!
 
Your a good man Charlie Brown!Nothing better than helping a guy out and the great feeling that you take away from it.Sometimes its worth the cash you didnt get out of it!

Thanks a-lot! Wood sales aren't looking so well this year. My attitude is i'll give it to someone in need before I give it to someone trying to get a good deal. My favorite is the 20 something who wants to heat with wood and is 20lbs overweight and wants to buy it at the cost that his dad paid for it 20yrs ago. This guy truly deserved something good to happen for him and i'm just glad I could help. And yes I felt better that day than if I would have dumped 10 cords on the saturday before christmas.
 
Thanks a-lot! Wood sales aren't looking so well this year. My attitude is i'll give it to someone in need before I give it to someone trying to get a good deal. My favorite is the 20 something who wants to heat with wood and is 20lbs overweight and wants to buy it at the cost that his dad paid for it 20yrs ago. This guy truly deserved something good to happen for him and i'm just glad I could help. And yes I felt better that day than if I would have dumped 10 cords on the saturday before christmas.

Dont feel bad about poor wood sales, its that way all over.Too many folks out of work and trying to make a buck.
Last night on the news they had a piece on some guy who's unemployement ran out and he was selling firewood.As the reporter said, "After splitting and stacking, all it needs is 24 hours to dry out and its ready to sell"
 
Dont feel bad about poor wood sales, its that way all over.Too many folks out of work and trying to make a buck.
Last night on the news they had a piece on some guy who's unemployement ran out and he was selling firewood.As the reporter said, "After splitting and stacking, all it needs is 24 hours to dry out and its ready to sell"

And so it is. Nobody said anything about ready to burn. : P

Jack
 
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