I'm glad you guys are trying out for all the brush ape parts 'cause I know the one I want. None of that tough stuff for me, I got something better picked out.
I'll audition for the Forest Service part. Think about it...they don't have to show up until way after daylight, they drive nice new pickups that don't smell like old socks and snoose, unless they fall down they never get dirty, a pair of gloves probably last them all season, as long as they have the rule book they don't have to know anything, and they can park anywhere they want to.
I know there's probably going to be a lot of competition for the job but I have many years of experience at mumbling, giving different answers to the same question to different people, and avoiding hard work.
There's some things I'd have to learn, like arriving late and going home early, never smiling, insisting on the haul-road right of way over loaded trucks, drinking latte out of a clean cup instead of Folgers out of a soup can, and giving the impression that I knew everything that was going on when I really couldn't tell which end of the Cat to hook the choker to...but I can probably fake my way through that stuff...just like the real ones.
Where do I sign up?
Can I have my huckleberry pie now?
Well, you'll have to share the scenes with the "ID Teams" of 'ologists, who will be filmed from the get-go. You'll be filmed trying to get them to commit to a date on the calendar to go up and make a decision that they don't trust you to make, you are obviously not qualified to make that decision because it is after October, and the mud is obviously different than the mud of September. Then you will be filmed on a dog and pony show with the local enviro group. They will show up later than you and will refuse to get off the road but will profess to know everything that is going on.
And, I just don't know. Running log trucks off the road with a pickup takes years of training. Not just everyone can do it! It can't be faked. Can you point out that the largest log on the load has not been branded or painted? Or that it might be a good idea to take that load receipt out of the pocket and staple it (and it is printed on the ticket by the word staple, staple, staple, staple, fold over and staple so anyone who can read that word will know where to staple it) to the driver's side of the front of the road--no this is not Weyco and it doesn't go on the back. And so on.
And can you be filmed starting out the door early then getting a phone call from somebody in the office that is in control of your office to please fill out this form, I'll e-mail or fax it right up to you, but you must get it back to me today because I've dinked around until the last minute getting this report in and now I need to have you save my buns so fill it out right now. And by the way, it is 20 pages long. We'll be taking the computer system down a while but you still need to get it done so hang around, we'll be getting the system up shortly.
You'll have to memorize the word NO. And use it frequently with no expletives. That latter part is hard.
Our mud is a kinder and gentler mud. Not much clay. It will trap you if you are circumferentially challenged and do not have the foot size to off set that.
Then it will be either slip out of your Vikings which are trying to do that anyway, or have some help.