Fun At An Old Snoop's Expense!

[flyboy553]

So you can understand my enjoyment today, I must first tell you about this gentleman who lives a few miles away from me. He is what I call an old Codger. When he stops by to visit, it isn't just an innocent visit. Oh, he will attempt to make it all seem innocent by asking very seemingly innocent questions: how much wood do you think is in that pile, how much wood did you sell this winter, how much do you THINK you will sell, how much wood can you get on your truck, that sorta thing.

When you answer and try to have a conversation about his question, he will tell you you are wrong. You can't get that much wood on your truck, you didn't sell that much wood, on and on. He once told me I did not have a cord of wood in a stack 16 inches wide four feet tall and twenty four feet long. When he finally leaves, he will go to another persons house and tell them how stupid I am. Oh, while he is at my house, he tells me how stupid that other guy is! He is just plain trouble. No good can come from a visit with the old codger. He is full of stories that happened 50 yrs ago, and I have no doubt at least one or two of them are true!

In fact, If I am lucky enough to see him flying down the road at his breathtaking speed of at least 25mph, I will run into the garage and stay there til he leaves, not even coming out when he honks his horn. Luckily he doesn't get out of his truck, he is too feeble for that. And it is a good thing he doesn't as it would take at least 20 more minutes for him to get out and then get back in!

Well, today I was out back splitting wood and did not see him pull up. He drove around back to where I was working and shut the truck off. That's never a good sign. He saw that as I was splitting I was making two different piles so he asked what that was all about. In reality, one pile was standing dead wood that is ready to burn right away and the other pile was blow down wood that will not be ready til next heating season. But I did not tell HIM that! hehhehheh.

I told him that one pile was 16 inch long wood and the other pile was 18 inch long wood. A 4 ft by 24 ft stack of 18 inch long wood will have more than a cord of wood in it, so I can make that row shorter than the row with 16 inch wood.

I mean to tell you, if there are words for the look the ol' codger gave me, I do not know them! He says Who in there right god -given brain would worry about that! I explained to him that one of our conversations had got me to thinking and I do not want to short anyone and I sure dont want someone telling me I do not know what a cord of wood is, so this is how I do things now! hehhehheh Still laughing at his expression. I wish I had words to describe it, but I do not.

I am looking forward to hearing his report to my buddy on my 16 inch piles and 18 inchers! Should be interesting to say the least!

Going back and reading this post, I guess you could say I took the scenic route around this topic, but I am not going to condense it, it just felt good getting this out of my system!

Any of you have neighbors like this? It just feels good to pull the leg of a leg puller on occasion!

Ted

 

[Jesob Jesperson]

Classic! I wood'a played the same game!

 

[Iska3]

I saw you out back. It was nice talking with ya this afternoon!

Ted, He'll be back late tonight with a tape measure looking to see if those are really18 inch pieces.

 

[sbowman871]

neighbor

I have a neighbor across the road that is much like your friend that you describe. One day, he decided to visit me 5 times in one day! Coming over to see what I was doing, how I was doing it, and WHY I was doing what ever it was I was doing that he would do differently. His wife liked me because I was "baby sitting" him, so she didn't have to. Got to tell you it was very taxing on my time as I couldn't get anything done around the house without hearing how he would do it better. Well as some close relationships can come to an end, our did. He got pissed about something that happened that can be told into a thread of itself, and we parted ways. That was the best day in my life!. I can now live on without him coming over, offering advice, and wasting my time. Life is good now. Friends are good to have. Sometimes when they arrive, and many times when they leave.

 

[buildmyown]

Not an old snoop but caught a young snoop last weekend. There is a subdivison that kinda overlooks my property and without the trees filled in yet there is one house that has a direct view to where i was splitting last weekend looking through my neighbors backyard. As I was splitting i had that feeling you get that someone or something is watching you. Kept looking around but didnt see anyone or anything. Then I finally caught him there is this guy out on his back deck with binoculars watching me, at first i ignored it but he was there for awhile. I was just going to bare ass him but decided to have a little more fun. Went in the house got my binoculars and went back out splitting sometime passed and there he was again. I bent down behing the pile i was splitting and then poped up over the stack with my binoculars and stared right back at him and gave him a wave. I knew he knew that i caught him off guard cause he took a step back triped over a chair and landed right in a planter. I dont think ill have to worry about him watching what im doing again.

If i do catch him again im going to sneak throught the woods and come up from behind and ask him what he looking at.

 

[Dan_IN_MN]

Ted, He'll be back late tonight with a tape measure looking to see if those are really18 inch pieces.

VERY FUNNY story! Being 'one up' one someone like that is PRICELESS!

Like he can get out of the truck.

I usually don't see my neighbors...unless they drive by on the road.

 

[dingeryote]

Classic!!

Have you thought about stacking some rounds into a Pyramid, and maybe wrap some tinfoil around them?
If he asks, make up some hairy Bull#### about using electromagnetic resonance from solar flares against the geomagnetic forces to speed the seasoning, or something equally worthy of a chain E-mail. Wind him up REAL good. LOL!!


Had an Uncle that was like that Old codger neighbor of yours. The movie "Grumpy old men" was pretty much scripted with characters like him.

He'd swing by, and I would be wrenching on something, or working some corner of the farm, and there was no way in hell I was doing things right.
He and my neigbor to the south were in cahoots, and he was ice fishing buddies with a gent that works with my wife, so the pestering was constant.

Couple years back, we planted some 2 yr olds that got shockey, and slightly Iron deficient for some reason.
The fix was a irrigation delivered mix of a particular fertilizer that causes a temporary blueish tint to the foliage, and chelated Iron sprayed on. It was just too ripe of a chance not to screw with Uncle Fred, who spent a life with Row crops and didn't know jack about Blueberrys.

Sure enough, Friday afternoon, at the usual time, here comes Uncle Fred. I had staged a couple old empty jugs of Copper sulphate in the Chem shed where he would see them driving by, and I was out spraying on the Iron. I didn't say squat, just the usual conversation and him telling me I wired the sprayer valves wrong..LOL!!

A week later the fertilizer had tinted the plants blue and they came around fine, but the phone rang and it was Uncle Fred.
"You killed those new plants didn't you!! You Dumbass..Copper sulphate will kill 'em!! Blah,Blah, Blah....LOL!!!

The neighbor saw the blueish tint and right away called him. He then called my cousin, who told him Copper Sulphate can be toxic and sometimes turn things blue before they croak. Of course the wife comes home from work the next day wondering WTF was going on. LOL!!!!!!

We waited a week longer untill he came back over, to explain how I set him up. Dang was he pissed! LOL!!!
He didn't talk to us for almost two weeks.

Stay safe!
Dingeryote

 

[Steve NW WI]

Way back in the dark ages, I worked on a small dairy farm. Just me and the owner, little (by today's standards) 160 acre farm. He had a neighbor with a similar setup, and nosy as all get out. He had a habit of popping in right after the milk truck left, just so he could see how much we were shipping. (The milk truck driver always hung the receipt on the bulletin board in the milkhouse.)

Me being the deviant that I am, I conned the milk hauler into leaving the real tickets in the desk drawer, and writing up a fake one with ever increasing pounds of milk on it on the board. After a week or two, the guy couldn't take it any more, and asked the boss directly how much he was shipping, and how many cows he was milking.

Fearless Leader took the ball and ran with it, he told the guy that I was "the damnedest milker you ever saw", he gets more out of them cows than anyone he ever had. He even told him he was gonna have a new tractor delivered, air conditioned and everything, just to keep me happy and working there.

Nosey tried to hire me that night at the local watering hole. I gave him both barrels about being a nosy SOB, and trying to hire someone's help out from under him. He was P-O'd, and him and my boss didn't talk for quite some time. I don't know if he knows about the fake milk slips to this day though.

Never did get the dadgummed air conditioned tractor either

 

[BrokenToys]

Neighbors? Hell, I have RELATIVES like that.

Will swear after looking at the Stihl in your hands that you're holding a Poolan and you're doing it all wrong.

That's why I have a gate in my driveway. With a lock. And earmuffs.

 

[Bushmans]

Classic!!

Have you thought about stacking some rounds into a Pyramid, and maybe wrap some tinfoil around them?
If he asks, make up some hairy Bull#### about using electromagnetic resonance from solar flares against the geomagnetic forces to speed the seasoning, or something equally worthy of a chain E-mail. Wind him up REAL good. LOL!!


Had an Uncle that was like that Old codger neighbor of yours. The movie "Grumpy old men" was pretty much scripted with characters like him.

He'd swing by, and I would be wrenching on something, or working some corner of the farm, and there was no way in hell I was doing things right.
He and my neigbor to the south were in cahoots, and he was ice fishing buddies with a gent that works with my wife, so the pestering was constant.

Couple years back, we planted some 2 yr olds that got shockey, and slightly Iron deficient for some reason.
The fix was a irrigation delivered mix of a particular fertilizer that causes a temporary blueish tint to the foliage, and chelated Iron sprayed on. It was just too ripe of a chance not to screw with Uncle Fred, who spent a life with Row crops and didn't know jack about Blueberrys.

Sure enough, Friday afternoon, at the usual time, here comes Uncle Fred. I had staged a couple old empty jugs of Copper sulphate in the Chem shed where he would see them driving by, and I was out spraying on the Iron. I didn't say squat, just the usual conversation and him telling me I wired the sprayer valves wrong..LOL!!

A week later the fertilizer had tinted the plants blue and they came around fine, but the phone rang and it was Uncle Fred.
"You killed those new plants didn't you!! You Dumbass..Copper sulphate will kill 'em!! Blah,Blah, Blah....LOL!!!

The neighbor saw the blueish tint and right away called him. He then called my cousin, who told him Copper Sulphate can be toxic and sometimes turn things blue before they croak. Of course the wife comes home from work the next day wondering WTF was going on. LOL!!!!!!

We waited a week longer untill he came back over, to explain how I set him up. Dang was he pissed! LOL!!!
He didn't talk to us for almost two weeks.

Stay safe!
Dingeryote

MMMMMMMMMM Bluer-berries!

 

[flyboy553]

Well, just as I expected, the Old Codger went over to my buddy's house the next day and just couldn't wait to tell him his news! He had not even sat down in the shop yet when he started. He says- "boy do I have a good one for ya! You will not believe what Ted is doin over there!" And then proceeds to tell them of my follies! hehheh I guess now the old codger can die cuz he has finally seen it all! He was laughing right out loud while telling them of my separate wood piles. According to my buddy Joe, he even had to stop telling the story because he was laughing so much. Then he would start coughing and choking and once that cleared he would go on telling of my stupidity. There was no end to his enjoyment.

Only problem is, Joe was in on my little stunt. In fact, it was Joe's idea in the first place! hehhehheh

Ted

 

[Fred Wright]

Oh yeah... we had a neighbor man like that when we were kids. I sure remember that.

The old boy ran a small, 2-man dredging company for many years. He was in his mid-60s. I was around 12 at the time and worked with him over the summer. We felled countless trees, dynamited stumps, digging canals to drain swamplands on farms. It was bull work on a good day.

His missus started worrying about him getting himself injured or killed out in the swamps so he retired and sold his dragline cranes.

She had plenty of time to regret that decision. He had nothing better to do so he started dropping in on the neighbors, visiting and basically pestering everyone to death.

I'm sure his intentions were good... but honestly, do folks really need to be told they're buying the wrong kind of dog food or their eaves need painting? And, once he got in your house he didn't know when to leave. He'd sit there for hours, talking about the old days.

His missus got him into veggie gardening, to keep him busy and leave the neighbors alone. Well, he'd grow all kinds of produce and make rounds of the neighborhood, giving away veggies and pestering people. He was driving his missus and everyone on the street nuts.

He missed his dredging work and was bored. Wasn't long before he bought a used crane at auction and got back in on a limited basis. We didn't see much of him after that.

 

[needwood]

Not an old snoop but caught a young snoop last weekend. There is a subdivison that kinda overlooks my property and without the trees filled in yet there is one house that has a direct view to where i was splitting last weekend looking through my neighbors backyard. As I was splitting i had that feeling you get that someone or something is watching you. Kept looking around but didnt see anyone or anything. Then I finally caught him there is this guy out on his back deck with binoculars watching me, at first i ignored it but he was there for awhile. I was just going to bare ass him but decided to have a little more fun. Went in the house got my binoculars and went back out splitting sometime passed and there he was again. I bent down behing the pile i was splitting and then poped up over the stack with my binoculars and stared right back at him and gave him a wave. I knew he knew that i caught him off guard cause he took a step back triped over a chair and landed right in a planter. I dont think ill have to worry about him watching what im doing again.

If i do catch him again im going to sneak throught the woods and come up from behind and ask him what he looking at.

That would be so damn funny!!!!!!!

 

[greendohn]

Ol' Blue Hair

Had an old gal across the street I used to help with every thing. ie. salt in the softener, move furniture, cleared the snow in her drive, leaf blowin' in the fall etc..Except mowing her yard, her adult son mowed until a few years back when he was out of town for a couple weeks. She shuffles over cryin' the blue river how shabby her yard was lookin'. I sez I'll mow it for ya' but my mower's kinda dull. She was worried about payin' me and I pointed out i hadn't ever taken her money(on the rare occasion she offered) and I wasn't about to start. I mowed my yard in 2-HI but her yard was tall so I mowed hers in 2-LO(painfully slow) and even went back over it a 2nd time in 2-Hi to get rid of the "wind rows". I hear from the other neighbor about the crumby job I had done so I WAS DONE !! NEVER AGAIN,,NUTHIN" to ever help her..So fall rolls around and I'm blowin' leaves and she ask if I'm gonna come blow the leaves from my tree outta her yard..I look across the street and says, No, them leaves blowin' into your yard are from all over the neighborhood and they're like the snow blowin' in the winter..just 'cause the snow lands in my yard then drifts across your driveway doesn't make it my snow to worry about !! I re-started the leaf blower and went back to work blowin' leaves.

 

[J1m]

I'm sure his intentions were good...

In my experience, that statement means "Annoying" almost 100% of the time! :hmm3grin2orange:

 

[johncinco]

In the immortal words my Grandfather spoke to me many times... Just Wait.

We are all gonna be there some time boys. Seems the aches and pains my dad had working have somehow found there way to me. Instead of telling my son how to do something, I try and explain it to him so he will know why it should be done a certain way. I am sure in a couple winks I will be sitting at the big round table drinking coffee and harassing the cute young waitress.

I've had a couple of those old codgers come and go. Some I miss and some I just miss the laughs they gave me at their expense, or maybe mine.

 

[tbow388]

Super old Codger

Had this Ole Codger that used to come around every couple weeks. I would be working on something and he would sit in a chair and tell stories about all the big jobs that he used to do, while telling me how I was doing all this stuff wrong.

I was pretty young and dumb at the time, This Old guy knew it too. He'd see that I was needing some sort of tool and he would talk me into buying one that he had that was half broke.

That old guy had a opinion about how to do everything and was always giving me hell about not doing things right. and it was everything. "you arent tilling that right", "That board will never hold", "you need more water in that concrete", "you need to make that boy get out here and help you (my son was pre 8 at this time)".

The Old Codger even brought over a bunch of chickens and ducks one time because he knew I DID NOT WANT THEM but my son did. Always did stuff like that just to get my goat!!!!!!!!!!

Come to find out a good majority of the stuff he told me I was doing wrong I was. I was just too hard headed at the time to listen.

I SURE do miss my wife's Grandfather and owe a good bit of what I now know to him.

That Ole SOB was a worker and back in the day was dang good at everything he did including copper still brazing!!!!

 

[unclemoustache]

You all sure are lucky! I don't have ANY annoying neighbors. I have such pleasant neighbors! There was one old Curmudgeon, but he would only sit out in his front yard every now and then, and I'd go over to sit with him and chat for a bit. He didn't have much to say, but he sure appreciated the company.

Another neighbor, an old spinster, always took care of her own lawn, and mowed with this old dinosaur of a riding mower. It would usually break down in her yard nearest my own, and I'd see her on her hands and knees trying to unclog the grass. I'd look at my watch before going over, for I knew it was a 3 minute fix and a 27 minute conversation. Still, she was a smart old bird, and had some interesting stories to tell, but I was never able to get away in less than 30 minutes, so I only helped her out when I had the time.

To the OP, I'd recommend having a lot of fun with this guy - keep doing crazy stuff and encourage your other neighbors to get in on the action - just do silly nonsensical stuff and see who can get away with the craziest thing. Maybe hold a raffle to see how long it can be dragged out! :msp_w00t::msp_thumbup:

 

[Kevin in Ohio]

Living in the country most people here are extremely nice. I did have one guy, who wasn't old, start stopping in and being nosy. I was getting pretty tired of hearing how bad my neighbors were(which wasn't true} so I figured I better nip it in the bud.

We were putting in a new waterway on the back of our property and he had to stop in and ask what the equipment was for. I told him without blinking an eye that we selling our land to a landfill company and they were doing some test digging. Boy did he run with that. People started calling and I asked where did you get that from? When they told me I said it wasn't true. Naturally he got mad at me and "punished" me by never stopping in again since he was made to look like a fool to EVERYONE he talked crap to about me. Problem solved.

 

[Arbonaut]

You had me hooked here as soon as you said the old guy asks you a question, hears the answer then says you are wrong.

Even though my neighbor, Ray is only 126 years old, he has worked thirty five years at so many occupations that the way I figure, he must be 215 years old.

And he will school me on how I'm gonna eradicate dandelions even if I'm the only one in fifteen miles that doesn't have any now.

He does have some good stories from when he drove the limo for Harry Kissinger, Ann Margeret, John Denver and Elvis.