1 Andreas lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain, and they called him Bradley. She said, "With the help of the LORD I will next bring forth a mighty man." 2 Later she gave birth to his brother Abel, and they called him Tommie.
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. 3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. 4 But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock, doing all things by the book, in a better and proper way. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor because he shot from the hip and didn’t follow the proper way. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the shed. "And while they were in the shed, Cain gazed upon Abel’s remarkable saw collection and attacked his brother’s MS180 and killed it.
9 Then the LORD said to Cain, "What happened to your brother Abel’s MS180?"
"I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's mechanic?"
10 The LORD said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's MS180 cries out to me from the shed. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the shed, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's saw from your hand. 12 When you work the forest, it will no longer yield its timber for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth."
13 Cain said to the LORD, "My punishment is more than I can bear. 14 Today you are driving me from the shed, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me."
15 But the LORD went to Abel and said to him, "Show thy brother the proper way to work the MS180”. And Abel said, “As you wish LORD, for I will do it your way, the only proper way” 16 So Abel showeth the proper way and Cain went out from the LORD's presence and lived in the land of Franklin, south of Dayton.
17 Now the friends of Cain doubted the impeccable results that Abel showed to the world via the internet, and they said to Abel, “Can you bend thy rod? 18 Abel searched the internet posts and discovered the fallacy of his brother, Cain. And he bore witness to same, and the doubters and followers of Cain demanded that Abel produce the bent rod from his own hand.
19 Now Abel went to the mountaintop and the LORD layed upon his soul a mighty burden as Abel looked up into the sky and said, “Why me O LORD, why me?” And Abel said to the LORD, “But I have no memory card LORD” And the LORD said, “Go forth and purchase said item”. And Abel said to the LORD, “But the store is out of memory cards LORD” And the LORD said, “Be strong, persist, go forth in further search”. And Abel said to the LORD, “But this memory card is very expensive LORD” And the LORD took out his wallet and slapped Able across the head with it and said, “Go forth and purchase the memory card now or I will smote thee”.
....... to be continued ........