Ten things I hate about you

[unclemoustache]

Most of my stories are built around real characters in my life with some name changes to protect the guilty.The above story is a sure enough experience from two years ago.

If you ever reveal my name, so help me God I'll never send you a Christmas card again. It wasn't my fault my wife made beans and crabcake for dinner the night before.

 

[Firewolf]

Here, I did a few minor changes to my list, maybe this will be more to your liking?

1. Of course I take checks!.I take checks,cash, all major credit cards, food stamps, dead and live chickens, farm produce, your first born as long as he is potty trained, pesos, euros, canadian currency.

Hay what's wrong with the cunuck Buck? were catchin up with U guys :biggrinbounce2:

 

[logbutcher]

You firewood sellers have mucho B$$$$. With all the gear, maintenance, handling, raw material, risks, insurance how the Hell do you make a buck ? Then those 'customers' from Hell----who wants that ? :chainsawguy:

We just harvest our own, and that's some doing but enjoyable for only 6-8 cords per year plus some pulp and sawlogs. But as a business AND deal with customers....no.

 

[Firewolf]

You firewood sellers have mucho B$$$$. With all the gear, maintenance, handling, raw material, risks, insurance how the Hell do you make a buck ? Then those 'customers' from Hell----who wants that ? :chainsawguy:

We just harvest our own, and that's some doing but enjoyable for only 6-8 cords per year plus some pulp and sawlogs. But as a business AND deal with customers....no.

It's like this .. Sure we have $$$ tied up in equip But it's for the love of the job..! hahah does not matter what business you have your always going to have someone who is not happy....I have one costomer who always B$%# at the wood and price but for some stupid reason he calls each year and orders wood... go figure? on his licence plate it says MR PMS .. now if that's not going out for blood....

 

[Curlycherry1]

It must be for the love of the job. Since my brother took over my hand run operation he has gone big and he has probably ~$250K+ in equipment. Timberwolf Processor, ~90 Hp Kubota, attachments for the Kubota to keep the land open for logs to be stored and dumping split wood (he lives in the snow belt of CNY so a 6' snowblower is kind of a necessity when you need to cover ~4 acres with firewood 4' deep as it dries), several F450 trucks, a few saws and a splitter or two for the big stuff that does not fit through the processor. He just bought his "disposables" for the year for the processor (6 extra saw bars, many cases of filters, 5 big rolls of 404 chain, a barrel of hyd oil, and a few other goodies to keep the processor up and going for most of the rest of the year. And to top it all off he figures he is sitting on close to 200+ tri axel loads of logs ready to be processed. That is a lot of cash tied up right there. He is getting some amazing perfect logs out of a cut in Hastings NY so even though he really does not need more logs, and he prefers to get snow skidded logs (they are clean) he is allowing the logger to put these nice logs on his pile.

But as my bro says the good customers that have him back up, dump the load, pay the cash and he drives away far outnumber the idgits that drive him nuts. His sends his wife to deliver to the idgits, they won't give her any grief and she would punch them in the lip and take the wood back if they did.

 

[treevet]

I think it safe to say you have the bets stories on AS!!

Didn't you mean "best stories on AS.......S?" :fart:

How bout 11. Before you call to tell me my wood doesn't burn it isn't seasoned......learn to build a fire. Lady calls a friend of mine and says your wood doesn't burn. He says I'll be right over. He gets there and she takes him to the fireplace lights a match and holds it to the stack of firewood pieces and says "see....it won't burn".

Or....get your chimney cleaned.

guy calls me last week and says you sold me unseasoned wood. I say ...you came out of the way last year to tell me how good my wood was compared to the green crap you bought before. You sent customers. I have sold a ton of it already and nobody but you complained. I heat my house with it.

Have you cleaned your chimney out?....."yes" but I'll call the guy.

If you still can't burn it leave it where it is and we'll come get it and give $ back.

He doesn't call for couple of weeks so I call him and he says the guy forgot to clean out the cap. Now it burns fine. "how come you didn't call me"....oh, been real busy. :chainsawguy:

 

[woodbooga]

I too grew up around folks like he has around. In fact, right now I think my brother is employing the cousin-half-brother of the guy with the pants problem. The dude lives in a trailer that nobody has been in besides him in 20 years. We know he does not own a washing machine. M

Sounds like a combo of Groundskeeper Willie and a 'dude' a few towns over called Craigen.

Craigen is Craig some months.

Other months he's Meagan.

Switches identity to scam the welfare. I don't know the specifics of how he does this, but he hasn't had a job since I can remember. It's obvious he hasn't missed too many meals.

Doesn't own a washer. Just tosses his soiled clothes into his box stove and buys a new wardrobe when the thriftshop's having a 'fill your bag for a dollar' day. Cheeper than a laundromat and keeps his stovepipe clean, Craigen says.

 

[avalancher]

Sounds like a combo of Groundskeeper Willie and a 'dude' a few towns over called Craigen.

Craigen is Craig some months.

Other months he's Meagan.

Switches identity to scam the welfare. I don't know the specifics of how he does this, but he hasn't had a job since I can remember. It's obvious he hasn't missed too many meals.

Doesn't own a washer. Just tosses his soiled clothes into his box stove and buys a new wardrobe when the thriftshop's having a 'fill your bag for a dollar' day. Cheeper than a laundromat and keeps his stovepipe clean, Craigen says.

Sounds like he would fit right in around here.We have a commuity up in the hills close to the NC border called Hartford.The crowd up there is pretty rough,mostly hillbillies that make their living from cooking moonshine and growing their crops of marijuana. Here is a link about one of the most notorious moonshiners of that crowd, Popcorn Sutton.He committed suicide a while back after being convicted by the feds for moonshining.

http://dekerivers.wordpress.com/2009/03/22/obituary-of-marvin-popcorn-sutton-a-tennessee-moonshiner/

 

[matt9923]

Sounds like he would fit right in around here.We have a commuity up in the hills close to the NC border called Hartford.The crowd up there is pretty rough,mostly hillbillies that make their living from cooking moonshine and growing their crops of marijuana. Here is a link about one of the most notorious moonshiners of that crowd, Popcorn Sutton.He committed suicide a while back after being convicted by the feds for moonshining.

http://dekerivers.wordpress.com/2009/03/22/obituary-of-marvin-popcorn-sutton-a-tennessee-moonshiner/

Whats wrong with that :hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange:

 

[avalancher]

Whats wrong with that :hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange:

Nothing wrong with that!I figure like everyone else does around here.You do what you want on your place, and ill do what I want on mine!
I personally have never tried any illegal drug, but hey,what ever floats your boat.

 

[avalancher]

If you ever reveal my name, so help me God I'll never send you a Christmas card again. It wasn't my fault my wife made beans and crabcake for dinner the night before.

Umm, yeah.Your right.But it is your fault that you ate it!

 

[belgian]

I actually threw that in for a reason, I had a bad experience with a "helper" that I picked up one day in such a fashion.

I delivered a load of wood one day to an older couple.they were a little short on cash,but didn't complain about the cost of wood.I could see when I got there that they really didn't have a whole lot.
During conversation while unloading, the elderly guy mentioned that his son was in need of work and was rather skilled with a chainsaw.I asked the guy if his son was so skilled, why did they need to buy firewood?
He replied with what I thought was an acceptable answer.They had hocked their chainsaw intending to get it back when they got caught up on bills, but it never happened.Plus, they really didn't have any place to go and cut wood. I had a large clearing job coming up the next week, and thought maybe I could help them out by giving him a few days of work.

The guy called his son out, and in all honesty he looked like a real gem.6ft tall, 250lbs of muscle and appeared to be of at least average intelligence.I explained the job I had coming up, and we agreed on a time and hourly wages.I left feeling better knowing that maybe I had brightened their lives and I had some help.I had hoped to find some help before I started that job.

The following Monday,I picked the guy up bright and early and we headed out.It was cold and the heat was running full blast to keep me and the saws thawed out.After he climbed in, I noticed immediately that this guy was not the same guy I had met before.No longer talkative, but rather sat there with a menacing glare at his feet.Questions and chatter on my part was met with one word answers and grunts. Then I noticed the smell starting to envelope the cab of the truck.

Okay,we all have a little gas from time to time,and to be honest, it was a relief in some ways.My saws in the back seat had a tendency to burp gas fumes from the tank when they got to warm in the truck.I figured that a little extra from the passenger seat merrily stated the fact that he felt comfortable enough around me to let a few fly.No big deal.
By the time we got to the job site however, the smell was truly overwhelming.Eyes watering, I was relieved to spot the gate across the driveway,signaling the fact that there was a God kind enough to give me a reason to step out of the cab to open the gate.

I was relieved to get the work started, fresh air at last.I truly wondered how anyone could emit such fumes in such a short period of time, but I guess I just chalked that up to another of his "skills" that his dad had mentioned.When we stopped for lunch, I began to realize what a treat I was in for.I had the standard fare of a working guy, a sandwich or two that the wife had thoughtfully packaged up for the day.Mica, on the other hand, was used to a fare that I had never seen before.

As he unrolled his lunch, a very familiar smell began to overtake our stump perches.The birds quite singing, the squirrels disappeared, and a few buzzards began to circle overhead.I began to uneasily look around for the wood fairies, they generally showed up about this time.
At last the tinfoil was unraveled, and there to my shock and horror where two good sized catfish, raw as the day that they were yanked out of the local lake.Even through my watering eyes, I could tell that they had been hanging around long past their prime, but with a few dashes of ketchup old Mica swallowed them down, taking time once in awhile to spit out a few bones that were complaining about making the trip down his gullet.

Now,I understand the concept of sushi, but I really don't remember anything about sushi being not only raw but rotten as well.But apparently the taste and texture agreed with Mica, he did a thorough job of swallowing them down, complete with a good polishing of his fingers and tinfoil.Funny how even though I had been working for hours, my sandwiches no longer had any appeal.

We broke from lunch, and as he was leaning into the bed of the truck to put up his lunch box, I couldn't help but stare at his backside.A clear and very obvious testimony to his diet was rather apparent to his overalls, and I began to become concerned as to the condition of the upholstery in my truck.What was a guy supposed to do, have him sit on an old jacket on the way home?
The rest of the day passed without event, and the ride home was truly memorable.In fact, it invaded my sleep for weeks after that job was done.

If your daughter shows up with her new boyfriend, just make sure you check his lunchbox first.....

dayuuuuuum, this post really made me laugh Avalancher...

 

[K7NUT]

2.Dont give me directions to your house, give me an address.Landmarks such as "turn right at the herd of goats" doesnt help much.My GPS can generally find your house faster.By the way, that herd of goats?I never did see em.Funny how things move around all on their own.

Now thats funny right there!
Sounds like a contractor...
Love the question, where are you coming from?
Obvious answer would be, "my house"!
Just give me the address, I don't want to take every "main" thoroughfare every house wife is on to go window shopping! If I get lost, it's my fault, but believe it or not, there are people out there who know how to find address's?
I know, scary isn't it?

 

[howellhandmade]

Sounds like he would fit right in around here.We have a commuity up in the hills close to the NC border called Hartford.The crowd up there is pretty rough,mostly hillbillies that make their living from cooking moonshine and growing their crops of marijuana. Here is a link about one of the most notorious moonshiners of that crowd, Popcorn Sutton.He committed suicide a while back after being convicted by the feds for moonshining.

http://dekerivers.wordpress.com/2009/03/22/obituary-of-marvin-popcorn-sutton-a-tennessee-moonshiner/

I'll be dipped, I saw him on the History Channel special. I'm surprised, it didn't seem like it made any difference to him how many times he got convicted. And it didn't seem like there would be any difficulty convicting him just on the basis of that TV show, wonder if that was the best move.

Jack

 

[treevet]

not the sharpest tool in the shed.

 

[Dalmatian90]

I actually threw that in for a reason, I had a bad experience

I was giggling like an idiot, with tears streaming down my face, in the office reading that.

 

[logbutcher]

Now that we've all wet our pants laughing :jawdrop:, a big round of applause for Av. You are one major funny bone. Mucho thx from the wilds of Downeast.

But Msr. Av, please do not quit your day job humping firewood .opcorn: