Well,pardon my typing skills,I am still a little rattled and very tired after yesterday.
In all honesty that was the most hair raising day I have ever had.I got there just as the sun was coming up and spent some time trying to figure out why the knuclehead had locked the friggin gate to the place.I had the phone number and name to the neighbor that watches over the place, but didnt have a friggin clue as to where he lived,and liked I mentioned before there was no cell reception up there.I figured that this was indeed a sign from God that this was not meant to be and decided to listen to my guts and the wind that was rocking the truck and head home.
A few miles down the road was a little curb store, and there in front was a pay phone.Havent seen one of them in years.Dug a quarter and a dime out of the ash tray and then found out that a pay phone is no longer .35.goes to show you how long its been since I used a pay phone.
Got the neighbor on the phone and he agreed to meet me at the gate in ten minutes.
After arriving at the house I ran into my first obstacle.The brushy trees in front of the tree to be taken down were moving around so much that I had little luck in getting my throw bag into the tree.After 20 minutes of shooting that bag into the tree I gave up and threw my harness on.
30 feet up I realized that this was indeed going to be a day that would whiten my hair to the point that my wife would probably not recognize me when I walked into the house.We have all been in trees before that were swaying around,but this was something that really belonged at Six Flags over Retardedville.I have never been a person that had a problem with motion sickness, but the critters down below were treated to breakfast on me as long as they like McDonalds breakfast burritos slightly digested.Tied my line in and repelled down fast enough to burn right through my lucky gloves.
After hitting the ground and stepping around the pack of rabid possums fighting over my breakfast contribution I realized that I had made a fatal mistake, I had forgotten to bring a second line up with me so that I could pull the steel cable up to use as a back up line.
I spent the next 10 minutes cursing myself,throwing every loose thing I could find at the tree in the hopes of knocking it down(ever knocked down a tree with a pine cone and a full lunch box?)
Back up the tree with my throw line, tossed it over a good sized branch and hustled to the ground.
After securing winch lines,cables and ratchets I decided to wait to see if the wind was going to die down a bit.I spent a pleasant hour in the truck watching crap falling out of trees, pine cones coming out of the woods like bullets, and a stupid turkey try to cross the pasture against the wind.He finally gave it up and called a taxi.
By 9am I realized that it wasnt going to get any better and decided to test the laws of physics,advertised cable strength, and my courage.I grabbed up my saw,wedges, and an axe and decided to get to it.
My plan had been to cut just enough of the base to allow the tree to stand up right on its own,get back up the hill to the winch,and allow the winch to pull it on over.I then found out that hill that dropped off from the driveway was a whole lot steeper and slippier than I had calculated on.
The heavy rains we had on Tuesday stil had that ground sopping wet, and all the crap on the ground just made it worse.No matter what I tried I couldnt stand up alongside that tree for anything.Back up to the truck for a rope and my harness,tied the rope to a small tree at the top and eased my way down to that friggin tree.
I know what your thinking, if it was that steep and slippery, how in the hell was I going to get out of there quick if something went wrong?Good question, and I thought about it plenty.I figured my only chance if something went wrong was cut the rope and slide down the hill.took my knife out and stuck it into the tree and went to work.
After cutting a generous wedge I spent a great deal of time cutting my back cut and listening to the tree.After each knock to the wedges I would stop and listen.Finally I heard the tree crack a bit and decided I had enough.
Back up on the top I hit the winch and began to pull.It was almost a non event after that,pull with the winch,tighten up the cable ratchet,watch the friggin tree sway all over the place, and finally it hit the ground.
My wife has often said that my guardian angel must look like Bill the Cat, and I reckon she is probably right.The rest of the day was nothing but hard work bucking that tree up and i took a few shortcuts.Instead of cutting into rounds I cut the tree into lengths and dragged them down the road to the dumping spot saving me a lot of time.It took 30 minutes of raking the gravel to make it look nice again,but saved me a lot of time.
The neighbor wanted the smaller oak for firewood,so I delivered the tree to him in half.Dragged the main stem in one part, the top in another.The neighbors looked a little astonished as I drove past their place dragging a half a tree,but I figure they would get over it.
On the way back I stopped at several mailboxes to straighten them back up and to listen to one old woman cuss me out.I told her that I had no idea that the tree was attached to my truck that I had tied my truck to the tree to stop it from rolling down the hill and then forgot about it when I drove off.She rolled her eyes a bit and muttered something on her way back to the house,but Im sure it was something nice.
The day ended well,I got home some time after dark,the wife fussed over my boo boos as only a wife could do,served me hand and foot like the darling that she is, and all I have is a little clean up this morning with a rake.
I never want to live through something like that again,my nerves just aint cut out for it.
Just don't cut in high winds.....please.
