I decided to test my skills so I purposely got my chainsaw stuck in a dying 30 inch diameter Oak. I'

[TheJollyLogger]

**** buddy, post some pics. They call them widowmakers for a reason. When they go bad, they go bad quick.

 

[BuckmasterStumpGrinding]

Dynamite, a long fuse, and a fancy certification showing that you are qualified to use explosives on a tree.

 

[CanopyGorilla]

Wedges are fairly useless now that you have two back cuts.

 

[Jackbnimble]

Dynamite, a long fuse, and a fancy certification showing that you are qualified to use explosives on a tree.

Certification? Like it, but I just got done doing a stint for counterfeiting $100.00 bills. My manufacturing skills are on par with my felling expertise.

Will update you boys as soon as I figure out how to fix this disaster. At least I can't destroy anything else--well, except more trees. Kind a like playing dominoes-which was never my forte either. If I'm lucky, pummeled trees will be scattered about the premises, more than enough to heat the old cabin for the next 30 years. If not, well, I hope the tribe enjoys the death benefit.

 

[Jackbnimble]

Wedges are fairly useless now that you have two back cuts.

I am learning that the hard way!

 

[HuskStihl]

If you leave the pinched bar (in te second back cut) in place, you can wedge the original kerf if you bore it open.

 

[square1]

If you have a big monster resting on its stump

No holding wood left?

 

[Jackbnimble]

Well boys, four trees came down for the price of one. With two chainsaws stuck and fully fearing impending doom from a widow maker, I took out my little electric craftsman-which couldn't cut my leg- and plunged it in to remove another 1/4 inch of tree up to the hinge. It creaked, the monster creaked! and I bolted for safety behind another large tree. Silence. Waited. Creak. Silence. Creak. Silence. Back and forth like that for about four minutes-while I stayed put. I knew I was a dead duck if she didn't go all the way. Finally, she gathered a little momentum and then she cracked, dragging the first tree with her and smashing 2 more.

Next time, if WWIII let's me out of the house again, I will heed the excellent advice you've given me.

Big Thanks guys!

 

[TheJollyLogger]

Sweet jesus, tell me the saws are ok...

And on craigslist...

 

[BC WetCoast]

You should be able to get a great deal on that electric craftsman.

 

[jaystihl]

Definitely by far the funniest post ive seen here to date. Glad the to embarrassed boob is safe though. Could have been a bad ending. Although maybe not to the beneficiaries

 

[Jackbnimble]

UPDATE

My would be beneficiaries were ticked. Since the trees came down without making a widow, I've found arsenic in my Mt. Dew, rat poison in my Shredded Wheat, radon levels through the roof in the dog house, cut brake lines on "the bomb" my 1989 Lincoln Town car, and broken glass in my mouth wash.

Been watching, It's A Wonderful Life, non-stop. Henry Travers (who steals the show with his bumbling mannerisms and quaint mumbling) has appeared in person three times, reluctantly informing me that all angels have received their wings. He whispers, "Enjoy the Dew."

O Momma

P.S. I bequeath my little craftsman to you boys

 

[kyza]

I will use my first ever comment to say "This is the best thread... Ever."

 

[Creeker]

Is the reward real $$$'s .....lol

 

[Marshy]

I might as well be the first to say "good job, at the end of the day no one got hurt, all's well the ends well".

 

[noodlewalker]

there should be a thread for posting vids of tree falls gone wrong, just the funny stuff though, call it hillbillies with saws or somethin

 

[Jackbnimble]

Boys, I just want you to know, as of this very moment in time, I am now considered by multitudes, hosts and throngs of folks to be The Reigning Chapeene Of ALL The World Of All Chainsaw Chain Sharpeners Of All Time-- Bar None! I have been elevated to a new and sublime level of achievement and expertise achieved only by one mortal human being, Yours truly.

Soon, the crowds beseeching me for my extraordinarily expensive, esoteric and eclectic communications, instructions and legally qualified expert opinions and advice, will be hounding me, breaking down my door, even more than all my former wives and multitudes of children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grandchildren, great-great-great grandchildren and their first, second, third and fourth cousins, aunts, uncles ad infinitum, combined, for a mere whiff of my genius.

WHY?
I, by hand, using my vast and concentrated study in this field, so sharpened a chain for my own personal chainsaw that wood got cut. Not much, no indeed. but a little did seem cutted. Not foolin. Do you have any idea what this means, what the implications are for such a miraculous demonstration of DIY ingenuity? It means, gentlemen, that not one moron or complete idiot or total doofus out there can continue to excuse himself from doing his own chainsaw chain sharpening. If I can make a tear in some wood, ANYBODY CAN SHARPEN CHAINS!!! I'm gonna save people millions of dollars.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I WAS EXPECTINGT THE THING TO FLY OFF AND HIT ME IN THE HEAD. GLORY, BOYS. GLORY!!!

 

[Jackbnimble]

Creeker, I'll gladly pay you Tuesday if I can find a way to get out of jail.

 

[noodlewalker]

ummmm.... on account of all the ego massaging, I lost track of what actually happened there. you sharpened a chain???? or better yet, I know a guy who really, really enjoys sharpening them?? ill send you a pile of em, and for a minimal fee I will allow you to sharpen them for me

 

[JeffGu]

I'm gonna save people millions of dollars.

I see a flaw in your plan. Millions of people prefer to maintain the status quo... mainly, by remaining fat, stupid and lazy while complaining incessantly about dull chainsaw chains and the extra hassle of having to actually choke the carburetor when starting the saw when it is cold. Your plan ignores this huge sector of the market, and I fear that your hopes of enormous profits may be unrealistic.