1) Climb tree, dismantle.
2) Argue with homeowner about him changing his mind and wanting some of the firewood. Bonk homeowner on head with log.
3) Bonk homeowners dog with log. Make escape.
4) Following day, after police have taken down crime scene tape, load firewood in trucks/trailers. Leave them parked on street and head to coffeeshop.
5) 2:00 AM bonk firewood thieves on head with several logs.
6) Next morning, unload firewood at temporary staging site... in driveway in front of garage door. Leave for coffeeshop.
7) Later in afternoon, return and spot wife on porch with cast iron skillet. Blocked her car in. Move wood to temporary staging area, alongside the garage. Head for the bar.
8) Following day, trip over that extra long log that was sticking out just a few inches. Look up in time to see firewood rounds tumbling down.
9) Upon return from emergency room, move wood pile to backyard for splitting. Realizing splitter is in garage, attempt to drag it with lawn tractor to wood pile.
10) With log splitter now stuck in mud halfway to wood pile, lay out pallets around it and move wood pile to pallets. Head for bar.
11) Next afternoon, with blinding headache, split wood.
12) Move split firewood to temporary staging area, alongside garage.
13) Following day, trip over split and faceplant into pile of firewood.
14) Same as above.
15) Restack firewood in a more sensible place. The garage. Head for coffeeshop.
16) Upon return, realize the log splitter is behind firewood. Restack on other side of garage. Head for bar.
17) Next day, upon discovering wife has hit firewood stack with her car (and buried it) move firewood stack to out behind garage. Head for coffeeshop.
18) Upon return, informed that firewood stack is on top of flower bed. Move firewood to back of lot and tarp.
19) Following year, check on firewood. Entire family of woodchucks living under it. 25% loss. Move firewood to back wall of garage.
20) Next day, attempt to exit house by way of door leading into garage. Door won't open. Blocked with firewood. Restack in long row down middle of garage.
21) Following week, cold and snow in forecast, attempt to fit lawn tractor, motorcycle and log splitter in one half of garage... knocking over firewood stack. Restack firewood a few inches over.
22) Next day, wife hits firewood with car, burying it. Move firewood to hastily built rack alongside of garage. Head for bar.
23) Following day, trip over extension cord for Xmas lights and faceplant into firewood stack.
24) Same as above.
25) Pile firewood in middle of yard. Pour five gallons of gasoline on it and set it ablaze.
This firewood stuff is too much damn work. 
