Rearden
ArboristSite Operative
I have a neighbor who's worked in construction and factory maintenance most of his life - and so he feels that he is capable of competence in most eye hand coordinated endeavors. His estimation of his limitations falls way short of the mark.
Since moving in he has been on a crusade to remove every mature hardwood on his acre plus lot so that he can cover it all with grass and stop raking leaves (pretty much the opposite of what everybody else is trying to accomplish 'round here). So he marched off to the big orange Borg and got himself a little moped engine with a cutting chain attached. Actually this was his second. The first was a Sears Craftsmen that didn't take to being run with straight gas for some reason. His second victim was a lime green Pro something or other with a 16" bar, and yes he did finally figure out the whole two stroke thing.
The first couple of trees that he dropped went uneventfully enough. Wide open area, no snags and just a little helpful lean in the direction that he wanted them to fall. Having bolstered his confidence with the first few, he moved on to a 100' red oak that was about 30"+ in diameter and located on a slope of about 30 degrees. He did his best imitation of trigonometry to determine that his felling was not going to endanger his other neighbor's home, and then went on to try and make sure that the tree went where he wanted...and this is where it gets scary.
He drove his old F150 pick up to the up hill side of the tree and belayed the tree with a piece of 1/2" twisted nylon rope by attaching one end to his front bumper and the other end about 25' up the near limbless trunk (as far up as he could reach off of his extension ladder). The truck was actually sitting just above a 6"x6" pressure treated retaining wall about four feet tall that formed a kind of well for the tree that he was targeting. the tree was leaning about three feet out of plumb from the trunk to the crown (leaning downhill and directly toward the other neighbor's house corner). The crown was also rather imbalanced, as most of the growth was favoring the downhill where there had been fewer trees growing around it to begin with.
Several times during his preparation myself and others tried to warn him that he was working toward an epic fail of Homer Simpson proportions, but he continued undeterred. The greatest shame was that the neighbor in danger was out of town and no one could reach him. The time came and he made a face cut that ran to the center of the tree and resulted in roughly a 30 degree wedge being removed. I happened upon the scene just as he was finishing a back cut that sliced downward toward his face cut at about a 60 degree angle. There was no stopping him so I just stayed safe and prepared to dial 911.
Predictably the tree went right where it was pointing, but not before drawing his rope tight and dragging his truck down the slick clay bank and off of the edge of the retaining wall - where it did a beautiful nose dive right into the splintered stump - rearranging the grill and radiator quite completely. The rope then snapped as the tree continued on its way...crushing 30 odd feet of new cedar privacy fence, a brand new central air condensing unit, and an entire corner of the other neighbor's house. Oh...and as the tree reached the point where the trunk could fulcrum off of the ridiculous shelf that he had cut, it followed the laws of physics and promptly seesawed up and off of the shelf violently - throwing his still running saw up and out of the back cut and sending him falling over backwards onto his back side with the saw landing nearby...still running.
The miracle of his survival is I'm sure attributable to the old saying that God watches out for drunks and idiots, of which I'm fairly certain he is both. The resultant damage has unfortunately not done much to abate his "Ax Men" aspirations, but his wife did forbid him from any further chain saw adventures. Unfortunately for the rest of the neighborhood, she recently left him, and so he is back at it again. He actually had the balls, or lack of sense I suppose, to ask if he could borrow one of my saws. I wasted no time and set about hurting his feelings post haste. He was absolutely clueless as to why. I am now convinced...he is an idiot.
The danger however is that it is not legal for those of us that recognize idiot - to tattoo said label on the forehead of same, as a kind of general warning to the rest of the world not to turn their back on him or allow him the opportunity to play with things that have blades or motors. This same genius bent his lawn mower's shaft by running over a different oak stump (the blade literally embedded itself in the stump and the mower still resides there several months later), as well as flipped over a rented back hoe that he had obtained to dig out the stumps that he had created.
There is a strong argument to be made for eugenics...and he lives right next door!
Since moving in he has been on a crusade to remove every mature hardwood on his acre plus lot so that he can cover it all with grass and stop raking leaves (pretty much the opposite of what everybody else is trying to accomplish 'round here). So he marched off to the big orange Borg and got himself a little moped engine with a cutting chain attached. Actually this was his second. The first was a Sears Craftsmen that didn't take to being run with straight gas for some reason. His second victim was a lime green Pro something or other with a 16" bar, and yes he did finally figure out the whole two stroke thing.
The first couple of trees that he dropped went uneventfully enough. Wide open area, no snags and just a little helpful lean in the direction that he wanted them to fall. Having bolstered his confidence with the first few, he moved on to a 100' red oak that was about 30"+ in diameter and located on a slope of about 30 degrees. He did his best imitation of trigonometry to determine that his felling was not going to endanger his other neighbor's home, and then went on to try and make sure that the tree went where he wanted...and this is where it gets scary.
He drove his old F150 pick up to the up hill side of the tree and belayed the tree with a piece of 1/2" twisted nylon rope by attaching one end to his front bumper and the other end about 25' up the near limbless trunk (as far up as he could reach off of his extension ladder). The truck was actually sitting just above a 6"x6" pressure treated retaining wall about four feet tall that formed a kind of well for the tree that he was targeting. the tree was leaning about three feet out of plumb from the trunk to the crown (leaning downhill and directly toward the other neighbor's house corner). The crown was also rather imbalanced, as most of the growth was favoring the downhill where there had been fewer trees growing around it to begin with.
Several times during his preparation myself and others tried to warn him that he was working toward an epic fail of Homer Simpson proportions, but he continued undeterred. The greatest shame was that the neighbor in danger was out of town and no one could reach him. The time came and he made a face cut that ran to the center of the tree and resulted in roughly a 30 degree wedge being removed. I happened upon the scene just as he was finishing a back cut that sliced downward toward his face cut at about a 60 degree angle. There was no stopping him so I just stayed safe and prepared to dial 911.
Predictably the tree went right where it was pointing, but not before drawing his rope tight and dragging his truck down the slick clay bank and off of the edge of the retaining wall - where it did a beautiful nose dive right into the splintered stump - rearranging the grill and radiator quite completely. The rope then snapped as the tree continued on its way...crushing 30 odd feet of new cedar privacy fence, a brand new central air condensing unit, and an entire corner of the other neighbor's house. Oh...and as the tree reached the point where the trunk could fulcrum off of the ridiculous shelf that he had cut, it followed the laws of physics and promptly seesawed up and off of the shelf violently - throwing his still running saw up and out of the back cut and sending him falling over backwards onto his back side with the saw landing nearby...still running.
The miracle of his survival is I'm sure attributable to the old saying that God watches out for drunks and idiots, of which I'm fairly certain he is both. The resultant damage has unfortunately not done much to abate his "Ax Men" aspirations, but his wife did forbid him from any further chain saw adventures. Unfortunately for the rest of the neighborhood, she recently left him, and so he is back at it again. He actually had the balls, or lack of sense I suppose, to ask if he could borrow one of my saws. I wasted no time and set about hurting his feelings post haste. He was absolutely clueless as to why. I am now convinced...he is an idiot.
The danger however is that it is not legal for those of us that recognize idiot - to tattoo said label on the forehead of same, as a kind of general warning to the rest of the world not to turn their back on him or allow him the opportunity to play with things that have blades or motors. This same genius bent his lawn mower's shaft by running over a different oak stump (the blade literally embedded itself in the stump and the mower still resides there several months later), as well as flipped over a rented back hoe that he had obtained to dig out the stumps that he had created.
There is a strong argument to be made for eugenics...and he lives right next door!
LMAO... too funny. Can't blame the big box though, as much as I hate them. Just be glad he didn't ruin a "good" saw. 
