This is why the box stores should not be allowed to sell chain saws...

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Absolutely epic tale of failure at it's finest, but is it really on the box store as the title of the thread implies? I contend that a truly dedicated moron will seek out a chainsaw wherever that saw might be. For example, in Vegas prostitutes are easy to come by and convenient with big neon signs inviting you in, but a really dedicated john will sniff out a crack house in Del Rio to score. The Stihl dealer is easier to find and still legal! :msp_w00t:
 
:hmm3grin2orange:HHHHMMMMMM reminds me of this video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFpzvvACN8E&feature=player_detailpage and the funniest part is how he stands their helpless
 
Does he have any trees IN RANGE OF YOUR HOUSE??

David
Only one...and its an old half dead locust standing fifty feet from my shed/shop. I've been beggin' him for years to let me fell it (it's also already leanin' my way and I'd have to take down a section of my fence to drop it), but he never seems able to formulate an answer. It's always..."Lemme think about it". I sent him a copy of an article that described a couple of civil suits between neighbors over their responsibilities and dead trees, but he remains clueless. This last round of storms knocked down nearly every old locust in our hood but that one still stands. I think I'll start collectin' locked up chain saws from the dump and put'em all on a pallet under a tarp right in the path. Maybe a riding mower and tiller too. I wouldn't mind him havin' to buy me new ones to replace them I suppose.

Thankfully I have a pretty substantial stand of hardwoods between my shack and any dominoes that he might start knockin' over.
 
Great story! I am also a resident behind the iron curtain know as Maryland. Is this anywhere near Frederick County? Man ......... he better move before that neighbor returns home. Pics?

Sorry no pics. Never occurred to me to save evidence of his stupid since it's never far away and he's always up to something else. As for locale, we're just out of gun shot range of the city that breeds and bleeds (nice to know during the holidays, ...or any other random day when the natives get all excited and start shooting their handguns into the sky. That's no kidding either. Near midnight on New Years every cop in Baltimore is standing under cover since the locals still don't grasp that whole What goes up/gravity thing).

You should feel reassured and proud however that the remaining half million folks still livin' their (pretty much all on the teat) are 80% supported by taxes paid by the rest of the State's drones.
With apologies to Kurt Vonnegut, Welcome to the Monkey House.
 

Sorry for the lack of Kodak moments. This kind of pre-dated the whole "see it snap it" mentality that seems to be the norm now...but boy aren't the lawyers lovin' that development?

Just recounting one of our village idiot's many such faux pas.
Just yesterday he decided that drifting his big lawn tractor in neutral down the hill was faster than doing it under power. Predictably he lost control and wiped out at the bottom of the hill, spilling himself onto the street and rolling the mower almost over on top of himself. The encouraging thing was that no one even bothered to walk over to see if he was alright...which unfortunately he was.
 
damned shame there isnt video
omg thats funny
####ty about the wrecked house, but wtf, thats why they sell insurance
im picturing the truck being drug down the hill... priceless

No the really priceless image is the sheared remains of his back cut splintered and sticking through his radiator and grill. The only thing that would have made it any more perfect would have been if the engine was hot.

He later fixed the truck and used it to yank the remains of a big ol' yew out of his front yard (he really seems to hate everything that grows except grass...which he can't grow). He wrapped a fifty foot piece of heavy coil chain 'round it and the other end to his bumper hitch (I swear this is all true...you just can't make this stuff up).

After gunning the engine to pop the wheel barrow sized root ball out of the ground you could watch as the rusty wheels of his malfunctioning brain tried to spin in the thick grease that is his grey matter. You could almost see the little cartoon light bulb light up and he dropped her back into drive and haul butt away and down the street, dragging the hapless asphalt skiing root ball uncontrollably behind him. He had decided that it would be smart to do so and knock some dirt off before he tried to lift it into the bed. At the very first corner it of course swung pendulum-like wide of his track nearly killing a woman walking her dog. As she picked herself up and her dog stood yelping, the jackass never slowed down. We didn't see him for about a half hour after that (just figured he had decided to drag it the rest of the ten miles to the county landfill like the moron that he is).

A couple of days later I happened to notice the fireplug on the diagonally opposite corner of the block from me was standing somewhat askew and was rather scratched and wretched looking. Just a hunch, but upon returning home I walked over to Einstein's driveway and what do ya know...no more rear bumper?!

The guy's a one man walkin' comic strip.
 
No the really priceless image is the sheared remains of his back cut splintered and sticking through his radiator and grill. The only thing that would have made it any more perfect would have been if the engine was hot.

He later fixed the truck and used it to yank the remains of a big ol' yew out of his front yard (he really seems to hate everything that grows except grass...which he can't grow). He wrapped a fifty foot piece of heavy coil chain 'round it and the other end to his bumper hitch (I swear this is all true...you just can't make this stuff up).

After gunning the engine to pop the wheel barrow sized root ball out of the ground you could watch as the rusty wheels of his malfunctioning brain tried to spin in the thick grease that is his grey matter. You could almost see the little cartoon light bulb light up and he dropped her back into drive and haul butt away and down the street, dragging the hapless asphalt skiing root ball uncontrollably behind him. He had decided that it would be smart to do so and knock some dirt off before he tried to lift it into the bed. At the very first corner it of course swung pendulum-like wide of his track nearly killing a woman walking her dog. As she picked herself up and her dog stood yelping, the jackass never slowed down. We didn't see him for about a half hour after that (just figured he had decided to drag it the rest of the ten miles to the county landfill like the moron that he is).

A couple of days later I happened to notice the fireplug on the diagonally opposite corner of the block from me was standing somewhat askew and was rather scratched and wretched looking. Just a hunch, but upon returning home I walked over to Einstein's driveway and what do ya know...no more rear bumper?!

The guy's a one man walkin' comic strip.

Pretty funny stuff. I'm going to guess Baltimore County.
 
Rearden, if we could go back in time, I'd buy you HD video camera just for this one event. Thanks for sharing! :cheers:

No kidding, I have recently installed a 16 camera hi-rez security cam system that can send me streaming video on my cell. This was actually perpetuated by us discovering that - aside from being a Born Again idiot of the first magnitude, Jesus apparently also told him to try peeping my wife when I'm not home (she's a lot younger than me and quite hot...hell I'd peep her).
Creepy and dumb. So now the hot tub sits unused 'cuz she and my youngest daughter are too creeped out to even think about wearing anything but overalls outside. Of the 16 cameras, half cover all of the approaches to our property from his, so whether I catch him in the act or not, I'm probably good for at least one "America's Funniest Home Video" a year.

We also installed two motion activated sprinklers along the fence line. Wifee wants them to spray acid or dyed cat piss, and my daughter wants to electrify the fence, dig a few tiger pits and set some dead falls. Problem is, they don't wanna help dig the grave...so unless I renew my crabbin' license (I prefer the crab pot method of evidence disposal) there's always that hassle of what to do with the mangled corpse. I did take the time to share with him a few targets from our last trip to the range. Wife with her .40 cal Glock at 50' has no trouble point shooting all in a pie plate. Little girl ain't no slouch with her 9mm either.
The family that shoots together sleeps better we always say.


I wondered where our old neighbor moved to.

Hide your Chickens.


Stay safe!
Dingeryote
I'm actually building a coop and hadn't decided whether or not to subject my neighbors to a rooster. Think I might get several. ;)

You real sure this guy ain't a retired professor of construction technology who taught for years at the War College in Caryle? He has to have multiple degrees and certificates hanging on his wall.
Not quite, but almost as good. He actually used to service the big overhead electric hoists that they used in the steel mills down at the now defunct and bankrupted Beth Steel Sparrows Point works. I'm sure their demise was purely coincidental. Last I heard he was actually designing or consulting on factory automated material handling equipment.
I'm sure OSHA and the Injured Workers Insurance Fund will be very busy this year.

Sounds like this dolt beside me. Ive watched this guy go through saws, 2 riding lawnmowers and at least a half dozen blowers since he moved out here from the city. He asked me one day to take a look at one after his wife straight gassed it, and I just say I think theyre still under warranty arent they? I guess he buys the extended warranties from Sears because I see the box truck coming by to pick up the junk. Im not kidding, he had a new rider once a month this last summer...
This is great...just before his old lady split, she straight gassed his remaining chain saw. God I love her!
Then Beavis goes knockin' on doors lookin' for somebody to lend him a saw?!
Needless to say...he's thankfully the only real idiot in our village, so he found no takers.
The mower comment does remind me of another of his epic fails in slow motion.

He had gotten a great deal on a brand new John Deere lawn tractor at auction, a great huge thing with a monster mower deck and something like a 24 hp engine (he actually only has about a half acre of weedy grass and moss to cut), ROPS bar and a cute little bimini top. Anyway, he brings his new pride and joy home in the bed of the infamous truck that will not die, and then realizes that he has no ramps to unleash it from the bed. I have several very nice sets, but it never occurred to me to offer them up for some reason.

So he finds a pair of knotty 2"x6"'s of questionable grain, but with one particularly large and through knot right in the middle of one board. He actually asked me if I thought it would be OK, and I told him absolutely not - pretty much guaranteeing that he would use it anyway...which he did. Best part was that to try and redude the angle of the incline he was facing, he backed up to a short retaining wall where he had a concrete bumper set underneath to keep him from backing into it with his car. While the lessened incline DID in fact make the travel less frightening looking from the driver's seat I'm sure, it also near doubled the loading on the defective lumber and end up elevating the entire monster mower about three feet off of the ground. I guess they don't think to drop test these things for stupid proofing?

Predictably, retard in charge got half way across before the one board snapped - suddenly dumping him off to the side (he really does have nine lives). The mower wasn't quite so lucky. Somehow it manged to land sideways and bounce, ending up with the deck twisted, the whole side of the machine smashed up and bent one of the deck shafts along with two of the blades. So help me, he actually had the mower deck engaged when this happened. Rumor has it he spent many,many hundreds fixing it before selling it to some poor unsuspecting soul.

where did darwinism go ???how are all these idiots managing to stay alive?? idiocracy is real ...... duck...whew..that was a close one jk
Actually this guy is more like "which one goes in my mouth and which one goes in my...?", oh never mind, I guess it doesn't really matter
 
Sorry for the belated and chopped up multi-post but I wanted to respond to all and was waiting for someone to meet me while typing and had to be ready to fly. Naturally he's late. Been real busy of late.

:clap: LMAO... too funny. Can't blame the big box though, as much as I hate them. Just be glad he didn't ruin a "good" saw. :cry:
I can and will. It's just like Harbor Fright selling welding equipment to any jackwad with a credit card..."wha du'ya mean High Voltage?"
I lent one saw to someone one time. That's how I ended up with a new 460...to replace the original that my "friend" somehow managed to drop a 4' red oak on. It was the saw that he cut the tree with? How the hell do you do that without a lot of very careful planning???
The craziest part is that he later admitted that the reason he wanted to borrow mine was 'cuz he used to have one exactly like mine...but he had dropped ANOTHER tree on it and totally destroyed it, but didn't have the testicles to tell his wife.

Gas to box store - $20.00
Box store chainsaw - $189.99
Watching idiot drop tree on neighbors house - PRICELESS

Hope neighbor has good insurance.

Neighbor is a retired Zoning Inspector. Needless to say idiot won't be getting any love from his old co-workers anytime soon...or a building permit for anything...ever.

I saved a builders butt last year when he made a deal with this home owner that he just did an addition for that if they bought him a chainsaw that he would cut down some trees around there house for him. He got a $900 Dolmar saw outta the deal. He realized he was over his head when he went to drop a 60' cherry tree and it set back on his bar. The whole canopy of the tree leaned towards the house. His notch was really crocked and the backcut sloped down and wasnt even parralel to the notch. I got there and he said I think I screwed up. I said YA think. lol. The funnier thing is that they first tried to hook some harber freight comalongs to it but they only got the ropes about 20' up the tree. Then they hooked to trucks to it, and the rope of the back truck broke and the back guy ran into the front guys brand new truck. The guy had the balls to ask me after i got my bull rope up in the top of the tree if it was now gonna be covered by my insurance. I said I guess seeing the contractor sure didnt have tree insurance. i pulled the tree over, and i looked at his cuts, the back cut was all the way throw on one side and had about a 1/4" of holding wood on the other side.

They must be bruva's from a different muva. Learnt their felling and rigging skills from the same genius as well no doubt. There really IS no cure for stupid is there?
 
Absolutely epic tale of failure at it's finest, but is it really on the box store as the title of the thread implies? I contend that a truly dedicated moron will seek out a chainsaw wherever that saw might be. For example, in Vegas prostitutes are easy to come by and convenient with big neon signs inviting you in, but a really dedicated john will sniff out a crack house in Del Rio to score. The Stihl dealer is easier to find and still legal! :msp_w00t:
Don't mean to pry but the analogy sounds awfully knowledgeable on the subject of Del Rio's underground economy...;)
You're probably right about the dedicated moron though. If you build it they will come.
Don't consider yourselves safe however from our idiot,,,and I swear I'm not making any of this up,...he's building an airplane in his shed, AND he has a license to fly it!
Kind of like the old line about the greatest thing about America being that anyone can become President...and that's the problem. :)
 
Pretty funny stuff. I'm going to guess Baltimore County.

Right you are! Land of "Move to Opportunity"...coming to a neighborhood near you too soon enough.
Did I mention that this guy also ran for the County Council here. How perfect is that? Of course he only got twelve votes... and he's got at least two dozen family members that live in our district. Think they know something that they could have warned us about?
 
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