knowledge needed

[tony marks]

to the moderators .. i appologise for where this post has gone.. it really doesnt belong here..
for the record let me assert that i am not a part of any country boy group or whatever ,that are ,or can be,, as bad as any other group,that takes the law in there on hands.. if my family were threatened,, id absolutely work alone an
accept any responcibility.. but i wont be led by people who think they can make the decision on a persons guilt,and punishment.. joining them is easy as joining say the local vfd[ not meaning, that im referring to the many good local vfd that serve rural america.. ..]i just mean,, thats how easy it is to be a part of one .but to me these groups,, represent as bad a threat to civil living,, as any other illegal group..

 

[johncinco]

I have come back to this thread a couple times to see just where it was going. Would go home and still be thinking about it and think just what I could tell ya to help make it better. Plenty of options to stop the thieving and be vengeful, but its not some schmuck off the street doing it to you, its your own flesh and blood and that hurts worse.

I have some very close friends whose parents have been like parents to me for over 10 years. Better than my parents were ever to me thats for ???? sure. I would do anything I can for them in any situation to help them. They have 4 daughters, who I love with all my heart like they were my own family. I fit right in the middle of them age wise and we have all gotten along like siblings for years. I have been to their holidays, birthdays, births, deaths and generally the "boy" the never got to have around. We have all been hanging out together since we were in our young teens.

The youngest one started having troubles with alcohol several years ago. We all stepped up, addressed the problem, made her seek help, go to rehab, AA, etc. She made great progress and seemed to be 100% in control. Next thing I know I am getting a call letting me know shes cranked out on coke, crystal meth, amphetamines, and whatever else they have available. Get er cleaned up again. Has a spell of straight and clean, then back on the stuff. This happens time after time after time. No one ever gives up on her. We keep picking up the pieces, helping her out, doing what a family is supposed to do. She steals from her sisters, her parents, me, commits some B&Es to support her habit. Goes into jail for DUI, drug possession, breaking parole violations. The cycle just continues year after year. One day I would see her and she is a beautiful bright shining girl that I would let watch my kids and the next time I would see her she would look like a crack whore I would run out of my neighborhood. Somewhere in the meantime she has been diagnosed as being manic-depressive, which could either accerbate the other problems or actually be a symptom of it.

Besides the action we took with her, what else did we do? I gathered up info on the places she was getting drugs, turned it into the state police. They are so over burdened they just said "thanks" and added it to their liist of info. I gathered up a few of Da Boys and went and had discussions with the scumbags. Made it clear that they were not to sell to her under any circumstnaces or we would be back. Its a small town we live in so its not like we wouldnt find out. Can't really run em out of town or stop what they are selling cause someone else would just take their place. I would rather know the dealer personally in my town than have to wonder who it is and where. All it really did was force her to go elsewhere to get whatever she was going to get. Eventually she ended up with the wrong dealers and some bad people and some really bad situations came about. She didnt learn even after that.

Where are we today? I still love her. All of her family who she has done wrong so many times still love her. We all have a distance that we keep between ourselves and her. She is not allowed in our houses unattended. She is not allowed around her own child unattended. She is not allowed to ruin or destroy our lives just because she chooses to do it to her own. We never give her any money, even if it was to keep her form sleeping on the street. The possibility that it would be spent to feed a habit is still there and no one wants to support it. She is welcome at every holiday and dinner, but we don't let her incarceration/rehab/relapse or event interupt our holidays any more. Our worlds dont revolve around her binges and cycles. None of us post bail for her when she gets arrested. Any of us would visit her in jail or rehab if she asked. All of us would, and have called the police to have her arrested for any reason. It is a hard hard way to treat someone, but it is the only way it has worked for all of us. I applaud every time she enters a "program" to help her get control of her life, I cry every time I hear she has been arrested or taken into the hospital again. Its not a great way to keep someone in your life, but sometimes its the only way. Eventually I will get a call and will attend her funeral. A beautiful life will have been wasted. I will know that I did as much as I could for her.

Sorry to be so long winded. Just kinda hits on something to me. Geez we'll have to start a family crisis thread around here.

 

[Mange]

Every time I read a reply from this thread, I hope there will be something that helps you.
It is not just Johncinco that thinks, and feels for you.
People is different for good and bad, in the end there is perfect medicin to fix this, there never will be.
I for one hope it works out for the best.

Mange

 

[Chris J.]

Tony

You've got a h*ll of a situation to deal with. For whatever my opinion is worth, I think John is on the right track. Sometimes you have to be the toughest with the ones you love the most. John: Thanks for sharing what has to be a painful story. I'll keep positive thoughts for Tony & you.

I have an alcoholic cousin, probably a drug addict as well, who basically killed my aunt. She lived on a fixed income & had several health problems, including diabetes. The stress of dealing with him, & going without proper medications because of him, contributed greatly to her death. She couldn't leave anything of value, including food, in her crappy apartment (the lowlife had already ran her out of two houses--not much, but hers free & clear). He'd break-in & take it, even when she was there. She was the kindest person that you'd ever want to meet, & she wouldn't call the police on him. This was in a really small town in OK, & the police knew all about my cousin. She used to buy her stuff back from the pawn shop where he hocked it; the owner knew what was going on! My knee jerk reaction was I should've travelled to OK, rallied my other cousins, & taken care of the problem permanently. Or very quietly taken care of him by myself (.22 with a condom, or a 9mm through a plastic bottle). Yes, like most people, I too have a dark side. My aunt passed away seven years ago, & to this day I'm not sure what I'd do if I was driving down the street & the lowlife crossed the street in front of me.

Chris J.

 

[tony marks]

well i wasnt going to post here any more ,,but.. it just emphasises the hopelessness the family feels ..
no easy answers here,just day by day
persistent love for them and hope..
havnt heard from sis in two days ,which means, i hope that things are fine..
i believe it because someday it ll be the truth..we hope..
the cycle of craving for her is three days ,when shes really determined..at least as far as i can determine..
her husband has cut off the money,,the best he can..that mite work until some sorry --- comes to where she is..now that thought gives me ideas ,about catching him where he is not in his world.. but like mark or somebody says.. the problem ,is the user..dont know the answer..
but i am gonna discus those possibilities,with my brother in law..
and yes i will participate in what he wants to do,, in a big way..[as futile as the problem is]...hes a man,, but not in any shape to handle buisiness any longer..
if we messed him up a bit,it might scare the crap ,out my sister..i know mark is shaking his head at this idea..
yep could get her killed too. hell i dont know.. but ill think about it..