the all aussie dribble thread!

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bored bored bored... even mindless violence seems boring today!


here then some reading might fill in the time


Part 5:

“They looked like front rowers, the guy with the beard, mate, he had biceps like my thighs”

There'd been an incident in the car park, after some words with two big guys with tatts one of the young tradies, a plumber, had left and then crashed into half a dozen other cars. The coppers were there, he was under the limit but he was lying in a foetal crouch coughing uncontrollably and the cops too were coughing, his ute ,with the drivers door open, was skewed into the side of a white van.

“So, I have it that you guys tipped some of that ground pepper there into the vents in his ute, is that right?”
“hey, we didn't break into his car, the windows were open, we didn't have to, we didn't actually TOUCH the car at all, did we Macca?, dumb prick, if we didn't need a laugh we would have given him a belting, but that wouldn't be fair would it?...and we're all about fairness, aren't we Robert?”

Robert nodded enthusiastically, “Absolutely Robert, that's us, nothing but fair”

“So you two are working on the freeway bypass are ya?”

“That's right sergeant, Roberts Earthmoving, get it?”

The cop gave a warm inclusive smile, “yeah, because you're both called Robert....”

The truth was they made him feel very uneasy, their confidence didn't necessarily inspire the same in others, the young bloke lying on the ground out in the car park was obviously not a good reader of people, and he'd come a cropper.

“So, I'm not a lawyer but I'm not sure there's much you can charge us with is there pal?”

The policeman, looked back out the window, “Probably not but you won't make a lot of friends around here with stunts like that”......

The Roberts, Paterson and MacDonald couldn't have cared less. They'd met in the boys home, Patto was smart and Macca was fast, and they were both strong. In their minds they were superheroes, they helped themselves to life and they figured the whole “take from the rich and give to the poor” involved too much adverse attention so they took from the bad, and gave to themselves.

They went from avenging their own perceived wrongs to those on other boys in the home, they stood over wardens, they exacted bizarre and long-winded retributions on bullies, they shook down anyone who had a secret.

The army had served them well but it hadn't been what they were looking for, they'd joined straight from the boys home in Goulburn. Full of anger when they joined, a righteous anger that sent them looking for people to break, like they'd been broken. Not just anyone, but those who looked for prey. They liked hurting people, that was true but where was the fun in hurting the innocent or the weak. It wasn't long before they realised that they were fighting other people's fights and politics wasn't for them. From there they'd gone into security, high end security, international stuff, rich people like big good looking men to stand around them when they feel threatened, but the ******** factor was too high and they didn't like the limelight, not at all. So they went home, to live the quiet life.

Stand-over wasn't generally regarded as a noble pursuit but they executed it with a strange moral code that satisfied their appetite for mayhem, soothed their life long need for revenge against an unspecified careless and opportunistic foe and made them money, lots of money. The bottom line was that crooks don't go to the police.

They specialized in finding people with lucrative lurks and squeezing them. South East Asia was their playground, Bali, Bangkok, Hanoi, they'd find a mule or a courier or better still a supplier and upset the cart just when the buy was happening. Their skills in IT and counter-surveillance meant they'd find upper level contacts back in Australia and make it their business to drop in.
“Hi, we're the Roberts, we're not sure you know us but we thought you might want this back”,
they'd hand-over a photo of the friend/bagman/operations manager holding a phone up with their bosses number and the barrel of something against their head, they never needed to add,

“We're the guys who took your money”

Their general air of confident menace meant no-one ever went after them, they'd been shot at sure, by strangers and fools but anyone who'd dealt with them closely stayed away from them, and didn't go to the police.

Then they packed it up and cashed out. They'd moved seamlessly back into civvy-street by working for an old friend from the army in excavating, they worked hard, they payed tax.

“We'll buy the business” they said when he told them his wife wanted to move back to Tasmania to look after her mother, “how much?'

“Holland offered me one point two”

They gave him an apartment in Docklands, 10 thousand BHP shares and half a million in cash. He stared at the money,

“what am I going to do with that?”

“What?, do you think it's stolen?

The Roberts laughed,

“Bernie, it isn't stolen. A very important man gave us that in exchange for his clean reputation, and he paid the tax on it for us, it's as clean as clean can be, go to Tassie, you're off the hook”.

They bought new machines, they busied themselves with the crooked affairs of their competitors and suddenly the tenders started flowing in.

The bypass job was good, they'd picked up culvert work and redressing jobs but this was a strange little town and they'd been ****ed with, someone had ratted their site office and stolen valuable stuff but also some computers that they didn't want lying around. The young tradie was a smartarse, he was on the gear and when stuff goes missing those guys are a good place to start looking, but he was a dill, not an old crook and somewhere round here, like everywhere, there'd be a fence and that piqued their interest.

“Small world”...it was the sergeant from the night before, out of uniform. They'd been talking to the bearded bear about his 47 Knucklehead and the copper was sitting next to him on a Norton, grinning. The sun was shining and a row of bikes stood on the grass, families walking past the smell of food and the sound of animals in the air.

“Yeah, we've got a few bikes, I'm looking for one of those” he said as he squatted next to the Harley

”but prices have gone a bit silly, you can buy two new ones for the money you need for a 47 in good nick”

“you blokes locals?”

“Yeah, I've got a bike shop, called Rusted On in the main street”

“Ah that's you”

“What about you blokes?”

Macca pointed at the policeman, “he'll tell you”

“This is Robert and Robert, they're working on the bypass, they like spicy food shall we say”

Norm, the bear, nodded in mock understanding and ever so slightly raised his eyebrows.

“The sergeant here has us down as bad guys, but trust me, we're the good guys” said Patto as he met eyes with a bystander who, for him, was listening a little too closely.
 
Part 6:

“ I don't ****in' care who you are ********”

He held the phone away from his ear and laughed, a staccato nasal bleat.

“Are ya still there?, mate you're wasting ya ****in time, I don't know nothin about any ****in Caterpillar stuff, never did never will and even if I did I wouldn't be tellin you whoever the **** you are, ya can **** off” he looked at the phone at arms length and stabbed at it with his finger.
“ faaaaaaaark”

The boys looked at him along the veranda, he'd been laughing, but he didn't look happy as he muttered to himself and punched another number into his phone.

“Answer ya ****in phone Barry, I need to talk to ya”

He hung up, “what are you lookin at?”, the boys turned back to the TV, the Caterpillar stuff, they knew about the Caterpillar stuff, they stole it.

“Barry, ANSWER YA PHONE!”

The phone rang, the Hell's Bells ringtone, “hello?....hello?..... there was a garbled voice from the other end
“mate I ****in told ya......what? Bring it over ?, with five thousand dollars? And a bottle of nice whiskey? Ha ha ha, mate I haven't got your ****in Caterpillar stuff, I never had it, you can get ****ed ya dumb ****, hear me? GET ****ED!”

He hung up, the boys were looking at him again,

“****in' go to bed, ****in now, NOW”

They could hear him on the phone, “Barry, I need that yellow stuff back, tomorrow, call me ya ****in idiot”

And again, and again.

“Dad's pretty pissed off, are we in trouble?”

“Na, Barry was gonna sell that stuff , Dad's still got one of the computers and ****, he woulda belted us by now, somethin else is goin on”

Barry was preoccupied, he'd got home and his front door was open. He didn't rush in, Barry, for good reason was the cagey type. He walked very quietly around the back. When he woke up he was tied to a chair in the kitchen with duct tape, and there was the smell of cooking,

“Got any cheese Barry?”

“What?”, there were two big guys he'd never seen in his life, one, sitting at the table, the other standing at the stove stirring a saucepan...

“I'm just heatin up the spaghetti”

“Who are you?”

“Who? Us?, don't worry about that Barry, you just concentrate on remembering a few important details and while you're at it concentrate on not remembering anything about us, OK?”

Barry looked at his lap, where there was an iron.....

”Oh, the iron! of course, the iron! Macca leant over to the power point over the table and flicked the switch, Barry struggled, “oh ****!” just as Patto stepped behind him and slapped his hand over his mouth and his other elbow under his jaw, Macca casually flicked the switch off.

“Mmmmmmhhhh, ffffththththt,”

“Oh ****, sorry Barry, was that on steam setting?

Patto loosened his grip and tousled Barry's hair,

“...can't have you getting round in creased pants Baz”

“Who the **** are you?”

“Barry, we're the blokes who own the Caterpillar stuff you were selling and before you waste our time telling us any fibs we'd like to point out that the the iron is still plugged in and we hate kitties wasting our time, OK?”

Macca held his finger to his pursed lips, “shhhhhhhh. Now, it cost us about 5 grand to replace those parts, then there were the computers that went with them, we'd like them and we'd also like someone to cover us for the fifteen big ones we lost on three days work, no no, don't spoil it by saying anything yet, we're pretty sure you didn't take them so we're just going to go through your phone here”

He took a pair of half glasses from his pocket and made a show of unfolding them before looking at the phone as if it was a foreign object.

Barry stared back at him blankly defiant.

“It's OK Baz, we don't need the code, we cracked that before we dragged you inside and it wasn't me that hit you it was Patto, seriously, it was pretty funny, you would have loved it, BANG! Kinda like Wily Coyote copping it from an anvil, and you pissed yourself a bit there too.

He looked down and sure enough there was a dark patch around his groin, his head ached and his jaw was stiff.

“You shouldn't keep your passwords on your phone Baz, bad idea, just so you know, anything that is missing we took, I know, it's ****ed but once we're finished here you'll be pretty happy with the deal”

He stood up and leant into Barry's face, “the deal is, we take whatever we ****in like and if we ever hear your name, or even get reminded of you we'll come back here and break your hands, and just when they're getting better?....well, you get the idea.”

He sat down again, picked up the phone and spun it into the air catching it with a single handed swatting motion.

“Abra-ca-dabra! Who's Digger then?”

Barry's eyebrows twitched in a microscopically quizzical way, in the space of a second Patto had smacked his head sideways from behind.

“Well that saved us some time”.

Macca squinted at the phone and prized the back cover off, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of cardboard. He peeled off a SIM card and exchanged it for the one in the phone, put the cover back on , tapped the screen twice and held it to his ear
“ Hello?....”

There was a voice at the other end, abrupt.

Macca said, “Hello Digger, I've just picked up my Caterpillar parts parts from your friend Barry here, I beg your pardon?”

He glanced at Barry and Patto and gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes, he started to speak again but was interrupted from the other end, he took the phone from his ear and looked at the screen.

“I think we're going to get along just fine with Digger.”

He looked out the window and sighed,

“So Barry you're a dumb prick but you weren't to know who this stuff belonged to, now, we have our bit's for the machines, but where are the computers, the Toughbooks? I didn't notice them on your Gumtree ad, lets keep this short, really short shall we, how about yes or no?.......did Digger give them to you?”

Barry wasn't a headstrong type.

“No”

“Same deal with this one Baz, did you see them?, did Digger have them?”

“yes”

Macca picked the phone up from the table and tapped it twice again.

“Hello Digger, now, just before you hang up I want you to come over to Barry's place, I reckon three hours should give you time to get up here , yes, bring five grand, our computers and a nice bottle of whisky....”

The voice at the other end, Digger, ranted and then again he took the phone from his ear and looked at the screen before lobbing it into the fish tank.
He looked at Patto,

“Get onto Alexander Bell and get his address”

Then he looked down at Barry,

“Don't give us any reason to think you've been talking to your little mate, in fact if our friend at Telstra tells us you've called him, at all, from anywhere, I'm going to make you cry Barry.”

Patto kneed him in the kidneys through the back of the chair, he pulled an Opinel from his pocket and neatly sliced the duct tape as Barry made whooping noises gasping for air and pushed him onto the floor where Macca stood on his hand.

“Baz, you've got off lightly tonight, six grand or whatever it was you had in the bank, a sore head, very lightly actually but trust me,we aren't the types who exaggerate, lie low, ****in low for a week if you know what's good for you and if you ever see us, head in the other direction

They walked out the front door and down the footpath,

" doesn't ring any bells?"

" what?"

"Digger"

Macca's face dropped,

"********!, nooooo ****in' waaaaay?"

"Yep, it was the laugh, it's him for sure, it's Steven Blackburn, the piss ghost, that's who Digger is, Steven ****in Blackburn........."
 
May see ya about in that neck of the woods.

Here all week. Client settled on a property next to the quarry with a big old homestead on it....quite a bit of work needs to be done to the place.

Nice old country town too, lots of old places built with the local stone.....had lamb shanks at the pub there tonight, was OK too.
 
Here all week. Client settled on a property next to the quarry with a big old homestead on it....quite a bit of work needs to be done to the place.

Nice old country town too, lots of old places built with the local stone.....had lamb shanks at the pub there tonight, was OK too.

Ya i know the place.
The Bannockburn and Inverliegh pubs are good as well.
 
Part 6:

“ I don't ****in' care who you are ********”

He held the phone away from his ear and laughed, a staccato nasal bleat.

“Are ya still there?, mate you're wasting ya ****in time, I don't know nothin about any ****in Caterpillar stuff, never did never will and even if I did I wouldn't be tellin you whoever the **** you are, ya can **** off” he looked at the phone at arms length and stabbed at it with his finger.
“ faaaaaaaark”

The boys looked at him along the veranda, he'd been laughing, but he didn't look happy as he muttered to himself and punched another number into his phone.

“Answer ya ****in phone Barry, I need to talk to ya”

He hung up, “what are you lookin at?”, the boys turned back to the TV, the Caterpillar stuff, they knew about the Caterpillar stuff, they stole it.

“Barry, ANSWER YA PHONE!”

The phone rang, the Hell's Bells ringtone, “hello?....hello?..... there was a garbled voice from the other end
“mate I ****in told ya......what? Bring it over ?, with five thousand dollars? And a bottle of nice whiskey? Ha ha ha, mate I haven't got your ****in Caterpillar stuff, I never had it, you can get ****ed ya dumb ****, hear me? GET ****ED!”

He hung up, the boys were looking at him again,

“****in' go to bed, ****in now, NOW”

They could hear him on the phone, “Barry, I need that yellow stuff back, tomorrow, call me ya ****in idiot”

And again, and again.

“Dad's pretty pissed off, are we in trouble?”

“Na, Barry was gonna sell that stuff , Dad's still got one of the computers and ****, he woulda belted us by now, somethin else is goin on”

Barry was preoccupied, he'd got home and his front door was open. He didn't rush in, Barry, for good reason was the cagey type. He walked very quietly around the back. When he woke up he was tied to a chair in the kitchen with duct tape, and there was the smell of cooking,

“Got any cheese Barry?”

“What?”, there were two big guys he'd never seen in his life, one, sitting at the table, the other standing at the stove stirring a saucepan...

“I'm just heatin up the spaghetti”

“Who are you?”

“Who? Us?, don't worry about that Barry, you just concentrate on remembering a few important details and while you're at it concentrate on not remembering anything about us, OK?”

Barry looked at his lap, where there was an iron.....

”Oh, the iron! of course, the iron! Macca leant over to the power point over the table and flicked the switch, Barry struggled, “oh ****!” just as Patto stepped behind him and slapped his hand over his mouth and his other elbow under his jaw, Macca casually flicked the switch off.

“Mmmmmmhhhh, ffffththththt,”

“Oh ****, sorry Barry, was that on steam setting?

Patto loosened his grip and tousled Barry's hair,

“...can't have you getting round in creased pants Baz”

“Who the **** are you?”

“Barry, we're the blokes who own the Caterpillar stuff you were selling and before you waste our time telling us any fibs we'd like to point out that the the iron is still plugged in and we hate kitties wasting our time, OK?”

Macca held his finger to his pursed lips, “shhhhhhhh. Now, it cost us about 5 grand to replace those parts, then there were the computers that went with them, we'd like them and we'd also like someone to cover us for the fifteen big ones we lost on three days work, no no, don't spoil it by saying anything yet, we're pretty sure you didn't take them so we're just going to go through your phone here”

He took a pair of half glasses from his pocket and made a show of unfolding them before looking at the phone as if it was a foreign object.

Barry stared back at him blankly defiant.

“It's OK Baz, we don't need the code, we cracked that before we dragged you inside and it wasn't me that hit you it was Patto, seriously, it was pretty funny, you would have loved it, BANG! Kinda like Wily Coyote copping it from an anvil, and you pissed yourself a bit there too.

He looked down and sure enough there was a dark patch around his groin, his head ached and his jaw was stiff.

“You shouldn't keep your passwords on your phone Baz, bad idea, just so you know, anything that is missing we took, I know, it's ****ed but once we're finished here you'll be pretty happy with the deal”

He stood up and leant into Barry's face, “the deal is, we take whatever we ****in like and if we ever hear your name, or even get reminded of you we'll come back here and break your hands, and just when they're getting better?....well, you get the idea.”

He sat down again, picked up the phone and spun it into the air catching it with a single handed swatting motion.

“Abra-ca-dabra! Who's Digger then?”

Barry's eyebrows twitched in a microscopically quizzical way, in the space of a second Patto had smacked his head sideways from behind.

“Well that saved us some time”.

Macca squinted at the phone and prized the back cover off, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of cardboard. He peeled off a SIM card and exchanged it for the one in the phone, put the cover back on , tapped the screen twice and held it to his ear
“ Hello?....”

There was a voice at the other end, abrupt.

Macca said, “Hello Digger, I've just picked up my Caterpillar parts parts from your friend Barry here, I beg your pardon?”

He glanced at Barry and Patto and gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes, he started to speak again but was interrupted from the other end, he took the phone from his ear and looked at the screen.

“I think we're going to get along just fine with Digger.”

He looked out the window and sighed,

“So Barry you're a dumb prick but you weren't to know who this stuff belonged to, now, we have our bit's for the machines, but where are the computers, the Toughbooks? I didn't notice them on your Gumtree ad, lets keep this short, really short shall we, how about yes or no?.......did Digger give them to you?”

Barry wasn't a headstrong type.

“No”

“Same deal with this one Baz, did you see them?, did Digger have them?”

“yes”

Macca picked the phone up from the table and tapped it twice again.

“Hello Digger, now, just before you hang up I want you to come over to Barry's place, I reckon three hours should give you time to get up here , yes, bring five grand, our computers and a nice bottle of whisky....”

The voice at the other end, Digger, ranted and then again he took the phone from his ear and looked at the screen before lobbing it into the fish tank.
He looked at Patto,

“Get onto Alexander Bell and get his address”

Then he looked down at Barry,

“Don't give us any reason to think you've been talking to your little mate, in fact if our friend at Telstra tells us you've called him, at all, from anywhere, I'm going to make you cry Barry.”

Patto kneed him in the kidneys through the back of the chair, he pulled an Opinel from his pocket and neatly sliced the duct tape as Barry made whooping noises gasping for air and pushed him onto the floor where Macca stood on his hand.

“Baz, you've got off lightly tonight, six grand or whatever it was you had in the bank, a sore head, very lightly actually but trust me,we aren't the types who exaggerate, lie low, ****in low for a week if you know what's good for you and if you ever see us, head in the other direction

They walked out the front door and down the footpath,

" doesn't ring any bells?"

" what?"

"Digger"

Macca's face dropped,

"********!, nooooo ****in' waaaaay?"

"Yep, it was the laugh, it's him for sure, it's Steven Blackburn, the piss ghost, that's who Digger is, Steven ****in Blackburn........."


Where did you find this stuff or you just making it up over a few beers?
 
Lets play guess the tree.

Not native here and rare.

20151111_104621.jpg 20151111_104657.jpg

I believe there are only two others in existence in Australia, and no, I won't be testing my new chain on it.

Location: Batesford Vic
 
Lets play guess the tree.

Not native here and rare.

View attachment 460250 View attachment 460251

I believe there are only two others in existence in Australia, and no, I won't be testing my new chain on it.

Location: Batesford Vic

Cork wood, probably not but they are simular in appearance. Need to see whole tree to see its shape, density and so on.
 
I've got 4 steel wedges I used to push over one of those rotten paperbacks. ..they're no fun when they fly out of the log at high speed back at you..plastic would have done the job nicely but I left them at home... alloy would be best as they probably hold better than the steel and present less of a danger when they fly out of the cut, but I don't own any.

Interesting, how big a wedge and how heavy the hammer ?
 
well, did I win a prize , ???? perhaps a packet of smarties.....

Your prize is the self satisfaction of correctly identifying the tree.



4lb hammer and home made steel wedges...

2 off them are 200 mm long but too much taper and they fly out when under massive loads, they're about 40mm thick at the wide end. Theyre crap. My other 2 are 8mm to 26mm and 150mm long and they work great...70mm wide too...
 
This particular cork tree is not native to Australia....there are 2 other trees of this species in the country...and that's it...it was planted in 1850's when the house was built. It's one of maybe 100 different species on the property that were brought from Europe and planted here.

So no cutting down trees for me willy nilly.
 
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