Funny saw stories! Lets hear EM!!

[woodyman]

Went over to a coworkers house Saturday to cut some white pines,nice trees 6 to 12 inch,50 so foot high with hardly any branches.When I got there the lady showed me which ones to cut and I started on the one someone had cut down and just left a week earlier,I think I know why it was on the ground.After I got done cutting up 4 of them I started loading the truck up and the lady came over and asked if I wanted a beer and I told her I used to be a boyscout and had my own and thanked her.Then she started to help me load and asked me if I wanted to cut some elm(she said she did not like elm)and I said I will cut it all,I think she wanted it done before winter.Heres the funny part,while we were talking she stated that my saws had started right up and kept running and the other people that were out cutting before me it took them 15 minutes to get there saws started and they would not stay running and I cut alot faster.

 

[Longwood]

After unblocking it I still couldn't see whether oil was spraying out or not so I hold it up near the black background of his tyre. Still no visible oil so give it a rev, nose of the bar comes up with the torque, and bang, straight into the sidewall of his near new trailer tyre. It wasn't funny at the time.

Thats funny!

 

[stihl 440]

lol

Lets see...well my neighbor told me that his chain cuts so fast that it burns the wood.......he was bragging to me after he seen my truck with my big loggin' saws in it....well he HAD to put his impressive comment in....I just went...Awe yea?...and sort of laughed. He has a 18" homolite/poulan 42cc.....and he believes strongly in the 45 degree back cut.........he won't listen to a logger....noooo....that tree aint gonna go over backwards.....nope....well according to him it won't.

My loggin' buddy says his stihl 441 is running 17,000rpm....bone stock..lol He also believes in cutting his rakers almost clean off.....lol:greenchainsaw:

 

[parrisw]

Lets see...well my neighbor told me that his chain cuts so fast that it burns the wood.......he was bragging to me after he seen my truck with my big loggin' saws in it....well he HAD to put his impressive comment in....I just went...Awe yea?...and sort of laughed. He has a 18" homolite/poulan 42cc.....and he believes strongly in the 45 degree back cut.........he won't listen to a logger....noooo....that tree aint gonna go over backwards.....nope....well according to him it won't.

My loggin' buddy says his stihl 441 is running 17,000rpm....bone stock..lol Her also believes in cutting his rakers almost clean off.....lol:greenchainsaw:

LOL dude that's freakin hilarious!!

 

[TimberMcPherson]

My 044 had an air leak and would randomly pick up a few thousand RPM from idle, which made it a real PITA when I was climbing!

I took it to the local shop, put it down on the counter and told the mechanic what was happening.
"Thats not a big problem, dont be a wuss" he said
So he took the saw, started it. it idled smooth at first then picked up a few thousand RPM and the chains started spinning.
With saw in one hand he turned to get a screwdriver. The bar tip hit the shelf lip behind him, saw kicked up tearing into the new gallon bar oil containers on shelf and scattering other items all over the place.
I jumped back and he got control of the saw but looked quite pale (he was lucky not to have got hurt).
Oil everywhere.
I piped up "not really a problem huh? Am I still being a wuss?"

 

[Booshcat]

My 044 had an air leak and would randomly pick up a few thousand RPM from idle, which made it a real PITA when I was climbing!

I took it to the local shop, put it down on the counter and told the mechanic what was happening.
"Thats not a big problem, dont be a wuss" he said
So he took the saw, started it. it idled smooth at first then picked up a few thousand RPM and the chains started spinning.
With saw in one hand he turned to get a screwdriver. The bar tip hit the shelf lip behind him, saw kicked up tearing into the new gallon bar oil containers on shelf and scattering other items all over the place.
I jumped back and he got control of the saw but looked quite pale (he was lucky not to have got hurt).
Oil everywhere.
I piped up "not really a problem huh? Am I still being a wuss?"

Think we can get a copy of the store's video ??:hmm3grin2orange: :hmm3grin2orange:

 

[mikeiss]

Funny/Scary

I'm 39 and was around half as old as I am now when I used to cut a lot of firewood (Tops from select cut woods), very little if any standing stuff. I saw a 25"x20' dead cherry (leaning maybe 80 degrees on another tree limb) on a fence row where I bow hunt, so I decided to cut some wood for pop. So I loaded up his Partner Farmer in his pickup and my buddy and I went out to the farm. No wedges, no rope, no winch puller deal, no chaps.

Parked the truck perpendicular to the fence row about 20 feet from the tree. Eyed that sucker up and decided to attempt to drop it parallel to the fence. Well I don't remember what my notch looked like or my back cut for that matter, but I do remember pushing on the tree to get it started. My buddy Scott had cut wood at deer camp before and hadn't made any comments yet as to what I was doing wrong so all must be ok right?

Well here is where things get interesting. Somehow the tree spins 90 degrees from being tangled in the other tree. Scott takes off running perpendicular to the fence without even looking at the falling tree. I step to the side and head away from the falling tree no problem. Then look over to see a tree headed for Scott! I yell then he starts to run even faster. He gets away in time. Alright Scott's ok but holy crap the truck, seems like the old Chevy may get it. As if I haven't been incredibly lucky so far only some of the small branches hit the truck.

We both stand there in bewilderment of the recent chain of life/truck threatening events and count our blessings. I look at the truck, look at Scott, and then ask, "hey man where is the saw?". We walk over to the tree and there under 25" of cherry you can just make out the mangled shape of a black handle. Buried that SOB a foot in the pasture!

Looking back there are a few pointers I may have neglected to learn for a more successful tree harvest. I was pretty foolish to think I had any clue to what I was doing. If any of you come across a Partner Farmer I'd like to get it for pop. By the way he got a brand new 257 out of the deal.

That's my story. I'll go back to lurking for a few months now.

 

[Ske-bum]

So in high school myself and a couple of friends would cut wood for money on a piece of property that one of the friends parents owned. Now the guy who's dad owned the property had rich parents, but he missed the common sense gene totally.

Anyway Turkey Day weekend and we are out cutting. Trucks are almost full and it is getting dark in a hurry. So the not-so-smart friend finds a half dead 12" doug fir to cut. It is close to the road and the wind is blowing hard. Eveyone is telling him lets get a winch on it to make sure it goes where we want it to. Nope, no time it will be fine he says. Sure enough wind grabs the tree and drops it right in the middle of the road. Luckly no cars came along for a while then three of the them are backed up all headed the same way. Two big ass highway patrolmen get out of two of the cars and ask who is the idiot that did this? We take a break from trying to clear the road and point out the not-so-smart friend.

Anyway they read him the riot act until the road is cleared then get in their cars and go to work, the highway patrol station was right down the street.
The cops called the idiots dad and we lost that place to cut.

Can't fix stupid.

 

[pstutcher]

Snoozing

Several years back I was cutting up some big old logs that were left behind by the previous owner of my house. At one point while I was cutting, I couldn't quite understand why there was what looked like strawberry jelly on the bar and chain. I found out once the cut piece fell off - there had been a possum sleeping in the hollow center and I cut him clean in half but didn't know it until I could see the exposed cut.

 

[Brian S]

Early this spring I was cutting out of some brush piles at a friends place who had a bunch of small oaks cleaned out by a dozer. There were probably 6 guys out there in all, myself and my dad, the dozer operator, and two or three dufus guys who were somehow related to the dozer operator.

As soon as we get there I see that two of the "dufus" guys have brand new Wal-Mart special Poulans, still had the boxes in the back of their pickup. One guy had an equally new Homelite and the dozer operator had a battered Stihl, at the time I didn't know enough to identify it but I think it was an old 028.

We park our truck and trailer and as we are getting ready to start cutting one of the dufus guys comes up with one of the Poulans. The engine is running and he is gunning and blipping the throttle while walking toward us. When he spins up the motor the chain is barely moving. He comes up to me and I can smell the hot smell of melted plastic and metal. "You know anything about chainsaws?" he says. I say "a little". He is still standing there now and still revving up the motor to no effect and he says "look how the chain won't move, I think the eninge is locked up". I say "is the chain brake on?" "what?" he says. I take the saw and shut it down, and no the chain brake is not on but I can see twigs and chips and branches and something that looked like twine down wrapped around the clutch. I told him to take of the chain cover and clean all that crap out and it should work fine. "How the hell do I do that?" is what he says. "I don't know how to work on Poulans, go ask your friend" was my answer. I thought I didn't need to involve myself anymore because he was likely to saw a body part off.

After a couple of fruitful hours of cutting we (dad and me) had a solid load of firewood stacked on the 16' utility trailer. We passed by the rest of the bunch on our way to split it and this is what we saw.

Dozer operator with his battered stihl had cut himself a mighty pile of wood probably close to as much dad and I had gathered, his THREE flunkies had cut maybe 1/2 as much as we did. And their stuff was all 4" sticks, nothing that needed splitting. I heard the one guy vehemently cursing his "POS Wal-Mart POS" to the other two flunkies who were nodding in agreement. "I woulda cut more wood than anyone if it weren't for this *&^# ^&#^#^#% ^#%#% saw!"

More proof that some people just should be allowed to own power tools.

 

[HVYTWR]

A few years ago my dad, my uncle and I were down in the bottom ground below our house yarding some logs from a log jam in the river. My dad was using his Mac 81 to buck up the logs. He set it down on the edge of the field for a couple minutes still idiling, jumps on the loader and moves a few logs around. When he was done he walks over to get his saw and I hear "hey, who took my saw?". We looked into the murky river water and could make out a tinge of yellow. That saw vibrated itself right over the edge of the bank and rolled into the river still running. We fished it out with a stick and some chain, poured the water out of it and pulled the rope for what seemed like a 1000 times with no luck. Finally my dad set it on the ground and held it down while my uncle leaned over and started pulling on the rope again and all of a sudden the compression release decided to pop out. I watched my uncle do a complete forward somersalt / cartwheel right over the saw and my dad. I was laughing so hard that I nearly fell in the river.

 

[Net-Knight1]

Several years back I was cutting up some big old logs that were left behind by the previous owner of my house. At one point while I was cutting, I couldn't quite understand why there was what looked like strawberry jelly on the bar and chain. I found out once the cut piece fell off - there had been a possum sleeping in the hollow center and I cut him clean in half but didn't know it until I could see the exposed cut.

Jummie...

 

[fullpower_65]

A few more

1. When I worked at a mill about 20 years ago, a new hire was trimming logs in the yard with a Stihl (don't remember the model). I was working in the mill and he came in to ask where we kept the saw gas. I pointed him to the outside shed. I forgot the shed also had a can of diesel fuel. Well, you know where this is going. Hearing a very sick saw suddenly quit and smelling the diesel smoke, I put 2&2 together and ran outside to stop the torture. Amazingly, it ran fine after we got it flushed out.
   
   
2. Another guy told me he burned his saw up. I asked him how much oil he put in the gas. He said "3 glugs". Turns out one "glug" is the amount of oil you get from a bottle before it burps for air when turned completely upside down.
   
   
3. I was at Canadian Tire the other day and overheard a young couple looking at the WildThingy. Wife says: "Would you need to mix the gas for it?". Hubby says: "Nope. That was just for old saws. New ones take straight gas." I politely corrected him but I'm not sure he believed me.

 

[heimannm]

The Boss's story...

President of the company knows I have saws and told me of one of his experiences.

Had to trim a tree in the yard so he set up his ladder, tied it off, and proceeded to carry the saw up and get to work. Saw was hard to start and he couldn't get it going up in the tree so back to ground. Got the saw started and decided to set the brake and hoist it up with a rope.

Back up in the tree hoisting the saw, it swings around, bumps the ladder and switches the brake off. The idle is set to high so the chain is running and he wonders "now what?" At the same moment his 4 year old son wanders out and stands underneath Dad to see what is happening.

Now Dad is in the tree with a running saw, the chain spinning, dangling from a rope, and his son standing below watching. What do you do, what do you do?

Mark

 

[cmetalbend]

funny?

you mean a joke?

i bought a 361, its about the biggest joke i have ever seen.

LMAO!

Tried to buy a Husky, but the machine took my quarter, sorry you had it commin.:jawdrop:

 

[Wood Doctor]

President of the company knows I have saws and told me of one of his experiences.

Had to trim a tree in the yard so he set up his ladder, tied it off, and proceeded to carry the saw up and get to work. Saw was hard to start and he couldn't get it going up in the tree so back to ground. Got the saw started and decided to set the brake and hoist it up with a rope.

Back up in the tree hoisting the saw, it swings around, bumps the ladder and switches the brake off. The idle is set to high so the chain is running and he wonders "now what?" At the same moment his 4 year old son wanders out and stands underneath Dad to see what is happening.

Now Dad is in the tree with a running saw, the chain spinning, dangling from a rope, and his son standing below watching. What do you do, what do you do?

Mark

Very simple, Mark. With the saw in one hand and your cell phone in the other hand, you call 911. Then you spend the next 15 minutes explaining to them what the situation is before they notify the police to send over a squad car. Meanwhile you pray that the rope doesn't get cut in half by the saw while begging the operator to do something. After all, you have to convince her that it's an emergency situation that requires some action.

 

[corsair4360]

Funny Stories

Many years ago I worked as a forester for a mill in Mississippi in my middle 20's. It was a southern yellow pine mill and we occasionally ran into 36"+ diameter logs which one of the senior people wanted to run some tests with them on a bandsaw headrig mill (ours was a chip and saw). So they saved the big logs and got a few gondola rail cars to ship them to our sister mill in Oregon. We got tasked on a Saturday to go trim the logs and square them up for the rail cars.

One of the debarker guys was sent over to trim them. I told him I would go get my saw and use it. He laughed and walked off returning with an old C series Homelite with the chain hanging about 3" below the bar, looking very well used. Mean time I had got my truck and unloaded my saw, checked the bar oil, made sure it was full of gas also. I quickly got the saw started (3 pulls as I remember) and then proceeded to start squaring up one of the butt ends. The mill guy simply turned away and walked off. Never to be seen again that day.

I had my old Homelite XP 1000, which I logged with sharp, with a 36" bar on it, and it was spewing chips when he started walking away. All of us got a big laugh out of it. The log deck guy was sure I had a little K-Mart special (long before Wal Mart) and knew nothing about about chainsaw's.

 

[cmetalbend]

I have a freind that paid a professional tree service to cut down a maple in his yard. What he forgot to mention to the serviceman was that he had poured 2 bags of Quickcrete down the hole in it years ago......OOOPS.

 

[southsoundtree]

I was running a trail crew.

Had two young women who were so sure of themselves, as one was a vegan that could do anything a man could do, and the other a right-wing christian that was holier than thou.

They came to me at breaktime. "Sean. We aren't cutting anymore! That stupid saw won't start! We've tried everything! We're not saying we won't work, we'll swamp branches or whatever, just that we're sick and tired of trying to get that thing (stihl 360 or 440) to start for, like, half an hour! We checked the air filter and the spark plug like you've told us. We're just sick of it!"

I say, "Okay, Okay. No worries. You don't have to keep cutting. I don't care. After break I'll see if I can figure out what's wrong with it."

So break time comes and goes. We walk down the trail to see what's what. There it is. Middle of the trail. Sitting on the bottom of the saw in the trail, pistolgrip facing me. I look at it from 10' away...















You're outta gas. And walked away. I could see right through the translucent fuel tank. Reminded me of Slingblade, though hopefully I'm a bit smarter than him.

 

[jerryw66]

opossums

Alright, good thread, I'll only tell the last strange things that happened while I was using a chainsaw. A few weeks ago, I was cutting a large maple stump off, when I heard that bad metalic clicking sound off of my 42" brand new never used GT bar and chain on my 2186, strange how it went away as quickly as it arived. Well, what are you gonna do, 3 friends helping for nothing, beer in cooler, sun is setting very quickly. I stuck it in again and let it rip, got through and found some round chrome pipe. There was a kid about 7 watching and we were all trying to figure out what this pipe was doing in this 15' tall stump. He said, "bike". He had shoved a part of his bike down a hollow branch in this maple and it wound up at the base for me to cut up. Only a few weeks later the same group of guys were cutting down an old boxelder for a new widow. It was only about 35' tall, but about 60 feet wide. It grew over her house, and I mean entirely, and also over a portion of the local small town lumberyard. So I started with the bucket truck, within 20 minutes I had broken the rear window out. I've cut for yrs without this happening, it was really strange how that little branch rolled and bounced. Next strange thing was as I was limbing it up on the ground, I just happened to notice a very large nail, a 40, or 50 pole barn ringshanked spike sticking out of a rotten log, never hit it but it was close. Then I decided it was time to fire up the 2186 with another brand new 42" chain. The stump was all of 3'. In no time I had hit 2 more of the super hard spikes. I didn't give up yet though, I smoked my way through it, and got it all on the ground. Then, just to get it into small enough pieces for the loader to lift, (753 bobcat) I was cutting a 20" limb off and out comes possum, We found A bunch of doritos , and chips in that tree, When did they quit putting the O In Opossum?