Funny saw stories! Lets hear EM!!

[woodyman]

One more,got a zillion of them.A few years back I brought my pro bar into a small family owned shop that sold saws and asked the young lad behind the counter if they could dress the bar for me and he looked at me like I was from another planet and said he did not know what I was talking about and they did not do it.Then when I was trying to explain it to him the old man came up from the back(think he heard us talking)and said no problem,do you want to wait for it.

 

[7sleeper]

OK I have to admit it! It happened to me.
I was running my little Stihl180 all day and in the evening pretty much dead, at about 10 I stopped and as a good chainsawer I clened my saw and reversed my blade and put on the chain. Sharpened it so that I would be ready in the morning. So in the morning I start and my saw is really NOT cutting as the day before. So here I am thinking did I ruin my sharpening angles? What the f@€k is wrong? Did I ruin my saw? So after long searching I drive to the store to hear the following words from the cashier lady(real embarrising):

"Why is the chain on it in the wrong direction?" Good question! :monkey:
I felt somehow like this

Happely all was ok and another saw day could begin!

7sleeper

 

[spacemule]

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=BASWnLl8kj8

 

[Zackman1801]

friend of mine told me a story about when he used to work in a john deere dealership. a lady came into the store to buy a chainsaw for some yard work. so he sold her the saw and off she went. she came back a day later with the chain on the saw melted right to the bar. my friend asked why she hadnt added any oil when she ran it and she told him, "because in the manual it says it has an "automatic Oiler" shouldent it put the oil in the saw"

 

[woodyman]

My day off,forgot more stories than I can remember.When I first started cutting wood alot it was pulpwood and I thought that if I took the rakers(I think I did not spell that word right in a few other posts)down alittle more that Husky would just fly through those trees.Well it did'nt,the chain pulled right into the tree and died,new chain was shoot,not good for anything else,I think I took the rakers all the way down Never again

 

[t613]

That is a funny story Pioneerguy! It reminds me of the idiots that say their dirt bike has "powerbands" in it.

I bought a little Homie XL off of a guy for parts about a year ago and he told me it ran o.k. but the oiler did'nt work so I'd have to pour oil directly on the chain while I was runnning it...

Sounds like a story I read on a diesel truck site. One fella went into a Ford dealer where they had 25-30 Superdutys on site that ALL had the Power Takeoff option. The fella commented to the salesman that the PTO option must be a huge selling option in the area that EVERY SD on the lot had it...The salesman then told him that the PTO option gives the trucks a little more oomph from a dead stop, so they order ALL of their trucks that way!:jawdrop:

Sorry off topic, but I thought you would all appreciate it.

 

[teacherman]

You mean you don't put antifreeze in a chainsaw? Man, the things you can learn here on AS




Only the heated Artic Edition saws for cold weather......


Thought the stories seemed to dumb to be true, but I did have a neighbor seize up a saw and wonder why the 'Autolube tank' apparently wasn't working.

k

Do you use Prestone or Zerex? Also, do you recommend that stop leak stuff?:greenchainsaw:

 

[slowp]

More of a Nice Story

Last year, after one of our storms dumped Cascade Concrete on us, I headed out to cut snowbreak out of the roads. I got in a major mess, and was not looking forward to throwing all of it off the road after cutting it up. I cut away, and worked on it. A pickup drove up and two guys in camo got out and started pitching in. They were throwing the stuff I cut up off the road!
I shut off the saw and started thanking them. They said that they should thank me. They were bow hunting in the flat area and didn't know which way to go to get back to the road. Then they heard my saw and walked towards the sound, found the road then found their pickup. Nice guys.

 

[Grubs]

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=BASWnLl8kj8

Bloody brilliant!

 

[pioneerguy600]

Each fall a group of us get together to cut up some hardwood for the upcoming deer hunting season at the backwoods camps. On the weekends there is a smorgas board of fellows from many different backgrounds,usually 8-12 guys show up for the wood cutting that I am posting here. Some of the guy`s own and run saws,others don`t or prefer not to so about 4-5 of us do the most cutting. One of the chainsaw guy`s is an engineer who is a very intelligent fellow that probably could be a rocket scientist. He knows everything about anything ever talked about in our group and is mostly correct but bores the h&&ll out of me.
Every year he makes it a contest between himself and the rest of us during the wood cutting,he is also like this with everything he does,very competitive. He will show up with all the PPE gear in spotless condition and usually a brand new saw. Most of us will show up a couple hours early and have a couple coffees and shoot some bull and catch up on some things that happened since last years hunting trips etc. He always shows up 5-10 mins. before we start up the saws to begin cutting. He gets his new saw out and dons his PPE and hardly says howdy before he is ready to start cutting.He is very anxious to get his saw started and is usually the first to pick up his saw and begin pulling and fiddling with the choke and on off switch and it seems it always takes 10-15 pulls to get it fired up and running off choke.
This is where the fun comes in for me but he finds it very frustrating when I pick up my favorite MS440 and he has at least his first 3 pulls already in. I snap my master control down to choke position and with one pull my saw starts and I can then flip the switch up to run and begin my first cut while he is pulling his saw over like a wild man on steroids. I usually have a couple sticks on the ground by the time his saw is up and running and now he tears into the pile full tilt. After close to an hour cutting he compares the amount of wood he has cut against what I have cut and gets ticked off again. He accuses me of cheating and is really perplexed at how I can get my saw to start so easily.For the last four years he has purchased a better saw every year and I can`t remember one of them starting under 8-10 pulls. He has tried to get me to tell him how my cold saw starts that easy. Once he even came over and felt the muffler on my saw as he accused me of starting the saw down the road out of site and earshot but it was cold and the guy`s vouched for me that I was there two hours or more before he showed up.
Well the punchline is that he carries his saw in the trunk of his Mercedes,don`t want to ick up the interior of his car and its quite cold up here at this time of year. My saw rides in the front of my pickup truck but before pulling into the camp yard I stop and squirt a syringe full of mix in the carb and replace my air filter cover and she`s primed and ready for a quick start. Well Mr. rocket scientist has never figured this out and the other chainsaw guys don`t give a hoot,I`ve never told them either so they can`t leak the goods to him. I really get a kick out of his reaction every year so far at start up and when he compares the amount of wood cut he gets even more annoyed even though his saw may be of a larger cc and of course the best of brand`s sold.He just cannot fathom why his more expensive gear will not outcut my old Stihl and that makes my day.LOL
Pioneerguy600

 

[parrisw]

Each fall a group of us get together to cut up some hardwood for the upcoming deer hunting season at the backwoods camps. On the weekends there is a smorgas board of fellows from many different backgrounds,usually 8-12 guys show up for the wood cutting that I am posting here. Some of the guy`s own and run saws,others don`t or prefer not to so about 4-5 of us do the most cutting. One of the chainsaw guy`s is an engineer who is a very intelligent fellow that probably could be a rocket scientist. He knows everything about anything ever talked about in our group and is mostly correct but bores the h&&ll out of me.
Every year he makes it a contest between himself and the rest of us during the wood cutting,he is also like this with everything he does,very competitive. He will show up with all the PPE gear in spotless condition and usually a brand new saw. Most of us will show up a couple hours early and have a couple coffees and shoot some bull and catch up on some things that happened since last years hunting trips etc. He always shows up 5-10 mins. before we start up the saws to begin cutting. He gets his new saw out and dons his PPE and hardly says howdy before he is ready to start cutting.He is very anxious to get his saw started and is usually the first to pick up his saw and begin pulling and fiddling with the choke and on off switch and it seems it always takes 10-15 pulls to get it fired up and running off choke.
This is where the fun comes in for me but he finds it very frustrating when I pick up my favorite MS440 and he has at least his first 3 pulls already in. I snap my master control down to choke position and with one pull my saw starts and I can then flip the switch up to run and begin my first cut while he is pulling his saw over like a wild man on steroids. I usually have a couple sticks on the ground by the time his saw is up and running and now he tears into the pile full tilt. After close to an hour cutting he compares the amount of wood he has cut against what I have cut and gets ticked off again. He accuses me of cheating and is really perplexed at how I can get my saw to start so easily.For the last four years he has purchased a better saw every year and I can`t remember one of them starting under 8-10 pulls. He has tried to get me to tell him how my cold saw starts that easy. Once he even came over and felt the muffler on my saw as he accused me of starting the saw down the road out of site and earshot but it was cold and the guy`s vouched for me that I was there two hours or more before he showed up.
Well the punchline is that he carries his saw in the trunk of his Mercedes,don`t want to ick up the interior of his car and its quite cold up here at this time of year. My saw rides in the front of my pickup truck but before pulling into the camp yard I stop and squirt a syringe full of mix in the carb and replace my air filter cover and she`s primed and ready for a quick start. Well Mr. rocket scientist has never figured this out and the other chainsaw guys don`t give a hoot,I`ve never told them either so they can`t leak the goods to him. I really get a kick out of his reaction every year so far at start up and when he compares the amount of wood cut he gets even more annoyed even though his saw may be of a larger cc and of course the best of brand`s sold.He just cannot fathom why his more expensive gear will not outcut my old Stihl and that makes my day.LOL
Pioneerguy600

ha ha ha, nice story.

 

[teacherman]

What is his "best of brands" saw? The 440 is such a great saw that it is hard to imagine anything comparing to it in an all day session, esp. with guys who don't cut wood 40 hours a week. This is really hilarious material. Knowitalls really crack me up when they encounter an inscrutable conundrum....... :greenchainsaw:

 

[Bruce Hopf]

I had a guy bring me his chain in to sharpen. He told me that he was tired of getting chips slung up on him while cutting so he put his chain on backwards to throw them out the other way. I ask him if it worked, he said yes but it was much slower cutting and thought his chain need sharpening. I ask if this was his first saw. It was a Wild Thing he had bought a Wally World a week before. I thought for sure I would read about him in the paper within a week or two, but I didn't. This guy is an engineer. He's so smart that that it scares me

LOLOLOLOL. I had an experience with one of those Smart Engineer Types as well, but with Watter. He was a Drainage Engineer, and he tried to tell me that water runs up hill. I asked him to explain his theory, and he couldn't.
Did the Chips go the other way for this one? Bruce.

 

[danrclem]

I'm going to tell this one on myself. A few weeks ago I went to cut up a blowdown. I cut up the top first and loaded my truck up. I had pulled up beside a log that was over 24" to do this. My truck was out of the way so I went ahead and started bucking the log. I had forgotten that I left my truck window down. The 372 throws a pretty good rooster tail so when I got through cutting and turned around I instantly knew what I had done. Yep, the cab of my truck was filled with chips.

 

[7sleeper]

I'm going to tell this one on myself. A few weeks ago I went to cut up a blowdown. I cut up the top first and loaded my truck up. I had pulled up beside a log that was over 24" to do this. My truck was out of the way so I went ahead and started bucking the log. I had forgotten that I left my truck window down. The 372 throws a pretty good rooster tail so when I got through cutting and turned around I instantly knew what I had done. Yep, the cab of my truck was filled with chips.

You sure as h€ll really want everything from a tree! Do you always move your truck up so that nothing gets lost?

7sleeper

 

[trailcutter]

Totally unexpected bar binding in arched tree

While cutting trees in my woods a few years ago, I spied a tree about 8" in diameter that had been bent over almost into a semicircle. I started cutting into the "outside" of the arch, where you would think there wood be tension instead of compression. About halfway through the tree, the saw bound up and I couldn't extricate it. So, I had to go back to the house, get a bow saw, and cut from the underside of the arch, at which time the tree sprung upward slightly and the bar came out. The tree I'm talking about was free-standing and not constrained by other trees.

I got a laugh out of this (and some additional exercise), but such strange things can apparently happen with trees that look like springpoles but behave in entirely the opposite manner.

Now, WHEN I remember, I bring a wedge and hammer or a spare bar and chain into the woods with me, for such issues.

-trailcutter-

 

[pioneerguy600]

What is his "best of brands" saw? The 440 is such a great saw that it is hard to imagine anything comparing to it in an all day session, esp. with guys who don't cut wood 40 hours a week. This is really hilarious material. Knowitalls really crack me up when they encounter an inscrutable conundrum....... :greenchainsaw:

Well you know that on here when you mention names of one chainsaw is better than another you get jumped and stomped into the moss.LOL
This fellow has brought Huskvarna 365 and 372 ,Stihl MS 440 AND 460 and Dolmar 7900 to the cutting party and every year he claims that he will kick my butt. LOL He just can`t get his head around why he can`t kick my ass and either get his saw to start on the first or even second pull and why he always comes up short on the amount of wood he cuts off the pile in the same time period.His saws are just as fast as mine when I let him cut side by side with me but I open er up a little now and then and have a much better understanding of how to pick each length of wood to cut on so that it does not jamb my bar, I don`t waste any time when cutting. LOL My chains are also hand filed by meself and his are store ground for exact length of cutters and exact angle etc. you know how it goes. LOL
Pioneerguy600

 

[pioneerguy600]

LOLOLOLOL. I had an experience with one of those Smart Engineer Types as well, but with Watter. He was a Drainage Engineer, and he tried to tell me that water runs up hill. I asked him to explain his theory, and he couldn't.
Did the Chips go the other way for this one? Bruce.

Well Bruce ,the exacting thing gets in his way but he can`t help himself, his saw is tuned by the dealer to exacting standards, his chain is ground to exacting standards by the dealer, his fuel is mixed to exacting standards using complicated measuring devices for both gas and oil and he does mix his own gas. Another shortcoming is that he never lets a saw get broken in,they seldom get more than 5-6 tanks of gas run through them before he trades them in for a faster "er" newer saw. LOL. He thinks that a spanking new saw should be tighter and thus faster/more powerful. LOL This fellow can explain every aspect of any subject you could imagine in full length and coverage and he is mostly correct. He is just a little short on experience and can`t get his head around how a old Stihl can out cut a new saw, the one I use and call my favorite is about 5 years old. I know the insides of that saw very well and visit it often. LOL
Pioneerguy600

 

[parrisw]

I'm going to tell this one on myself. A few weeks ago I went to cut up a blowdown. I cut up the top first and loaded my truck up. I had pulled up beside a log that was over 24" to do this. My truck was out of the way so I went ahead and started bucking the log. I had forgotten that I left my truck window down. The 372 throws a pretty good rooster tail so when I got through cutting and turned around I instantly knew what I had done. Yep, the cab of my truck was filled with chips.

Redneck airfreshiner ??

 

[MCW]

This happened to me on the weekend. I borrowed a mate's trailer to chop some big dead red gum at another mate's place about 90km away with my new 7900. He says "take the spare tyre". I said I didn't need it as I've only had one puncture in around 5 years and 350,000 odd kilometres. Anyway, I get to where the wood is and after about 2 hours of cutting I have an oil hole block up in my 32" bar. After unblocking it I still couldn't see whether oil was spraying out or not so I hold it up near the black background of his tyre. Still no visible oil so give it a rev, nose of the bar comes up with the torque, and bang, straight into the sidewall of his near new trailer tyre. I was lucky as it didn't blow (the rim stopped it and threw the chain off - one of the cutters had a big piece of steel rim jammed in it but surprisingly wasn't damaged!). I'll be hearing about this for a LONG time, especially after he nearly had to deliver the spare to me. I still have to buy him a new tyre but I didn't end up loading the trailer anywhere near the weight I wanted to. The next morning my mum and dad already knew - he was heading past their place and just "decided to drop in".
It wasn't funny at the time.