I'm so sorry to hear about the losses in your family. After I got back home, well, what was once my home. After I got back to the states I was not the same boy who went to war. I had STSD but no one back in the late 60's knew about it. Being strong willed I dealt with it silently for a while but in 1975, after trying all the churches, I decided to find a cure or die. I stopped eating and began fasting. I was mentally miserable and thought, I'll get Gods attention and get his, it 's, or her's help. It was do or die. One way or the other things had to change. Eventually after 42 days of no food and 30 pounds lighter, my family talked me into eating. The church pastor, from the pulpit made it a point to say that some people will starve themself to get attention. Everyone looked at me. I stopped Church and went back to my Native American people. I did Sweat Lodge ceremony every week for two years. I continued to do drumming, sweat lodge and other spiritual things. I fasted 40 days and nights three more times and after several years of hard work, I found myself. It was a blank sheet of paper. I began to sketch the self I wanted to be. Slowly, I created a new self. I'd look at myself and make corrections. Controlling my anger was hard but I wanted to make myself into someone I could live with that I could like. I married, became a father, and, at 76, I'm successful, have many friends, a good family and the happiest man I know. I have no more bad temper. I have no hate for anyone, no anger for anyone and I totally forgive everyone that's ever offended me. Eventually I leared the power of forgiveness. Now, I donate a lot of time counseling with others. I changed my name in 1998 inorder to avoid mental association with my past memories that had haunted me. By doing that I took on a new self identity. A new way of seeing myself. I became the man I wanted to be. Now here I am, a grandfather of 10 little angels. My oldest three grandsons, that I helped raise, are more like sons. They replaced the son I lost back in 1969. All three are in the Military at this time. Two Marines, one Army Ranger. Good men who make me proud. I am the father of three lovely daughters who are all professionals. A nurse, A teacher, and a Phycology major who is a licensed counselor working with abused children. I raised all of them with love and patience. I taught them how to "think" not just follow . For every man there is a path that leads to joy. To find it, he must first find himself. No man can find himself unless he has created himself. When we do that, instead of asking, "Why am I here"? We say, "Here am I". My mission in life is to become a blessing to those who need a friend..
Sorry about the long post. I'm debating on buying an Echo cs3510 to replace the cs352 which is in perfect condition.
I'd like input on that if anyone actually read this far. Thanks, and Be blessed.
