Stuck Between a Rock, and a Hard Place.

[Bruce Hopf]

I know that this is a thread that doesn't concern chain saws, but I don't know where else to turn, and this is where I hang out a lot, but I need some advice. Talking with you guys is something I really enjoy doing, and I hope you guys feel the same with me.
You See. My Father passed away 10 years ago this Sept, and a couple years ago my Mother started seeing this guy, and fell head over heals for him. Since I started meeting this guy, I have found him to be quite the person that I feel that my mother shouldn't be hanging around. This guy is Deceitful, and a Liar
I caught him hitting on my girl friend, and the way he talked to her was not being a gentleman like at all. He was trying to talk her into taking off her top in front of him, and when I questioned him in front of my mother, he Lied about it, and my mother told me that he never said that at all, and I was wrong, and she took his side of the story. She told me she knew what he said. I told her I heard what he had said, and what he told you is two different things.
He has her believing that he knows more about everything, than I do. He knows more about Chain Saws, Snow Blowers, for behind Tractors, Hauling, and Loading Trailers than me. Well his experience doesnt mount to a hill of beans, and this is why.
His Chain Saw, He takes to a Small Engine Repair Shop for service, because he doesn't know how.
Me, My Father, and Great Uncle taught me how to properly look after my chain saws, and all farm equipment, ever since I was 10 or 12 years old. I also have a Plaque from Still hanging on my Shop Wall, stating that I'm a Certified Stihl Factory Service Technician, and I know Chain Saws like the back of my hand, inside out, and backwards. This guy says that a Chain Saw has cycles for speed, like it has a 2 speed transmission or something.
I've been raised on a farm, and have operated Tractors, and Snow blowers, and all types of farm equipment for over 30 years. Him 2 winters, and I don't know anything compared to him the subject.
He has hauled a trailer, or loaded a trailer, or what I call a Want to be trailer, behind a pick up truck a few times. Let me explain, I've driven Semi Tractor Trailers for over 13 years. I've even owned a couple of High Way Tractors, and just about hauled pretty much all over North America a quite a few times, from Liquid Tankers, to Van Trailers to Flat Bed Trailers, of every configuration, and even grain hoppers, and Dump Trailers. And this guy tries to tell me how to load a trailer, or how to haul one.
What really gets me with this guy, is that he has my mother convinced that he has Arthritis of the Blood. Internet is a wonderful thing, and I think that this guy needs to do some research, because I sure did. According to the Canadian Arthritis Society, the American Arthritis Society, there is No Such Thing.
Now this is where your advice comes in. How do I sit my Mother down, and tell her that this jerk is nothing but a Fake, and a Liar.
This is another Problem I have to deal with too. Ever since my Father passed away, I've never seen her this Happy in a long time. Do I just put up with this guys B.S. for her sake, Keep letting him try to show me up in front of my Mother, and let it eat me up inside, or set this guy straight.
I've already am suffering a Nervous Break Down over this, and presently seeing a Psycoligest over it.
This is why I'm seeking your advice, and help, and input. It will be greatly appreciated. Bruce.

 

[spacemule]

Depends. How old is your mother? Is she fully mentally competent? If so, and if she's happy, you might have to bite your tongue. That's your call though, as you know the situation better than any of us.

 

[mattinky]

Well, I look at it like this... There came a time in your life when your mother had to let you go and do what you wanted regargless of how she felt about it, maybe you need to do the same for her. I would have a private talk with her and just tell her how you feel about the guy and let her know that you're warning her that the guy is a jerk. And then leave it alone and see what happens. I know you must really love your mother and I would be worried about her too. I know how you feel, my little sister has gone from jerk to jerk her whole life, I care about her deeply but what can I do? Just my $.02

 

[pops21]

Ouch thats a rough question.:monkey: I was raised that if I"m happy then my parents are happy for me. If it got that bad I think I would spill the beans. What about taking your mom to you psycologist with you. I guess it would depend on how close you and your mom are. The thing about your girl friend and her shirt should come from you and your GF instead of just you. I wish you the best bud.

 

[excess650]

I'm sorry for your predicament, but he sure sounds a lot like Plant Bio's BIL. He's obviously telling her what she wants to hear, so she might have to see through his facade herself. By all means, try to maintain your relationship with your mother, and just tolerate the creep. I wouldn't make any attempt to hold conversation with him.

 

[Taxmantoo]

Question, is she purposefully in denial, or just blind wrt him?
He probably won't hit on your girlfriend again, but if you can plant a recorder on somebody else and get him alone with her...

 

[Hugenpoet]

BE VERY CAREFUL. Love is not only blind, it is often also deaf. If you've been operating equipment for over 30 years, your mother is obviously old enough to figure things out for herself. You don't want to end up on the outs with your mother.

 

[lawnmowertech37]

I know that this is a thread that doesn't concern chain saws, but I don't know where else to turn, and this is where I hang out a lot, but I need some advice. Talking with you guys is something I really enjoy doing, and I hope you guys feel the same with me.
You See. My Father passed away 10 years ago this Sept, and a couple years ago my Mother started seeing this guy, and fell head over heals for him. Since I started meeting this guy, I have found him to be quite the person that I feel that my mother shouldn't be hanging around. This guy is Deceitful, and a Liar
I caught him hitting on my girl friend, and the way he talked to her was not being a gentleman like at all. He was trying to talk her into taking off her top in front of him, and when I questioned him in front of my mother, he Lied about it, and my mother told me that he never said that at all, and I was wrong, and she took his side of the story. She told me she knew what he said. I told her I heard what he had said, and what he told you is two different things.
He has her believing that he knows more about everything, than I do. He knows more about Chain Saws, Snow Blowers, for behind Tractors, Hauling, and Loading Trailers than me. Well his experience doesnt mount to a hill of beans, and this is why.
His Chain Saw, He takes to a Small Engine Repair Shop for service, because he doesn't know how.
Me, My Father, and Great Uncle taught me how to properly look after my chain saws, and all farm equipment, ever since I was 10 or 12 years old. I also have a Plaque from Still hanging on my Shop Wall, stating that I'm a Certified Stihl Factory Service Technician, and I know Chain Saws like the back of my hand, inside out, and backwards. This guy says that a Chain Saw has cycles for speed, like it has a 2 speed transmission or something.
I've been raised on a farm, and have operated Tractors, and Snow blowers, and all types of farm equipment for over 30 years. Him 2 winters, and I don't know anything compared to him the subject.
He has hauled a trailer, or loaded a trailer, or what I call a Want to be trailer, behind a pick up truck a few times. Let me explain, I've driven Semi Tractor Trailers for over 13 years. I've even owned a couple of High Way Tractors, and just about hauled pretty much all over North America a quite a few times, from Liquid Tankers, to Van Trailers to Flat Bed Trailers, of every configuration, and even grain hoppers, and Dump Trailers. And this guy tries to tell me how to load a trailer, or how to haul one.
What really gets me with this guy, is that he has my mother convinced that he has Arthritis of the Blood. Internet is a wonderful thing, and I think that this guy needs to do some research, because I sure did. According to the Canadian Arthritis Society, the American Arthritis Society, there is No Such Thing.
Now this is where your advice comes in. How do I sit my Mother down, and tell her that this jerk is nothing but a Fake, and a Liar.
This is another Problem I have to deal with too. Ever since my Father passed away, I've never seen her this Happy in a long time. Do I just put up with this guys B.S. for her sake, Keep letting him try to show me up in front of my Mother, and let it eat me up inside, or set this guy straight.
I've already am suffering a Nervous Break Down over this, and presently seeing a Psycoligest over it.
This is why I'm seeking your advice, and help, and input. It will be greatly appreciated. Bruce.

bruce dont let him get to you sounds like he is not a mechanic just a hog wash mouth is all

use a tape recorder get him caught on tape that way let the tape do the work

stay safe and remember you have alot of folks here who are behind u on this

what will work out in this situation is turn him over to God to handle i know its hard to do sometimes but is the best way cause God surely dont like liars and if he is a liar the truth will come out in due time

 

[stihl sawing]

BE VERY CAREFUL. Love is not only blind, it is often also deaf. If you've been operating equipment for over 30 years, your mother is obviously old enough to figure things out for herself. You don't want to end up on the outs with your mother.

Best advice yet,:agree2: Now if he ask my girlfriend to do something again especially something like take her clothes of for him. Me and him would have a long unfriendly talk.

 

[MS460WOODCHUCK]

i am new in here and you guy's probably don't know me yet.anyways, my stepfather tried to hit on my girlfreind which is now my wife of 13 yrs and 5 children that are the light of my life. i confronted my mother and him together. he denied it and she was in denial of it. i told him and her it happend and i know it did my wife is nowhere near a liar, and if it ever happend again i would take matters into my own hands and that they would not be pleased with results.i have never heard another word about it. my stepdad is a good man to my mom after 17 yrs of being married he had some alcohol in him that day. i was taught that if you had something to say, say it or 4ever wish that u did. this is just how i dealt with it and i think my stepdad respects me for it. and i know my wife does. don't let people walk on you man they will never quit.

 

[Tazman1602]

Dude, I just went through this with my 75 year old dad. "I'M IN LUUUUUUVVV".....UH-HUH.

After dumping $500K on a new house which he didn't want, didn't need, etc along with giving this woman many "gifts" she called the wedding off -- now I can understand that because Dad is kind of a d i c k sometimes but I still love him.

Point being if I had said ANYTHING derogatory about this chitheel of a woman all it would have accomplished would have been to drive dad right into her clutches.

Nothing you can do except sit back and take care of your own stuff and let mom do what she will.

 

[rsscully]

This guy sounds like a real POS! You know the longer you let a turd sit around the worse it smells. You can tell your Mom a hundred times that this guy stinks and it will make her deny it more and push her further from the truth. Tell your mom the way you feel once and let the turd stay around and stink. Eventually your mom will catch a whiff and flush it.

 

[PB]

Patience is a virtue. The more you tell your mother that you dislike her choice for a boyfriend, the less she will listen to you. Obviously you know your relationship with your mom best, so communicate in an effective way that she knows you are concerned not just pissed. She may be happy, but might not be for the right reasons. I would point out the things he has done to your mom, not necessarily the things he has done to you. She might misconstrue your concern for your own dislike of him. If that doesn't work, there is always beer.

I don't envy your situation, and wish you the best of luck.

 

[supercut469]

hey man that's very strong of you to admit you had to get help from a medical professional. I also had a semi-breakdown this winter and an seeing a doctor for it right now and am on medication. Remember the doctor is there to help you and in your daily life just be true to yourself and do what makes you happy and what you believe is the right thing to do. At the end of your time here on earth if you always did what you thought was right and what made you happy you'ld be a successful man in my book.

 

[shadow745]

To be honest, I'd tell him to put up or shut up. Let him prove his worth..... If that doesn't work, simply invite him out to cut wood one day and knock him on his a$$.

I think too many people in this world are too nice and that's why they get taken advantage of. Not saying you are one of those people. I understand you care deeply about your mom. I do believe in family members being happy, they just better not expect me to kiss any a$$ to make them happy. Maybe he feels as long as he has your mom convinced he's so great, then he knows he can push your buttons out of your respect for her. Touchy issue. Later!

 

[SteveH]

I've seen this sort of thing happen so many times...both in and out of my family. And there is one absolute truth, you could get the guy on video and/or sound doing any number of things, and I predict 99.99999% chance it wouldn't change a thing with your mom. Once they get into this mode, there is very little chance they'll come out of it. It will make you sick to your stomach, and much of the time you watch any net worth [IF any] dribble away. You could drag your mom over to a hotel to watch thru a hole in the wall as the guy got it on with some other woman, for example, and your mom would likely still not give up, claim it was all faked or whatever, just shut down her brain and refuse to ever believe it. How many folks see an older relative or neighbor or friend go broke supporting some jerk and his or her spending. Heck, I know someone whose invalid 50-ish sister gave away every dime to her church, at the preacher's continual goading, til she lost her home and car and everything, then the church refused to help.

Sadly, nothing you can do unless life in prison doesn't sound bad. Personally, I'd walk away and cut off ties, get on with my life. I realize you don't want your mom to ruin hers, but there is NOTHING you can do about it. She's a big girl, has made her decision, might or might not see the light in time.

Go out and use the Stihl. [keeping in tune with the forum topic of chainsaws....]

[And by the way, to establish a modicum of street cred', my own dad left my mother after 33 yr. and six kids, had the marriage annulled by the Catholic Church, then married a woman some yr. younger than me, and when he died last yr., he left everything to her including his retirement, so my mom is on SS and struggling mightily though we kids help as we can. The annulment means there is no recourse for my mother's 33 yr. of being the wife, as far as retirement and etc. go.]

 

[Urbicide]

Take him hunting.

 

[woodbooga]

I can really relate. My dad passed 10 years ago and my mother kindled a deeper friendship with a divorced family friend maybe 4 years later.

We'll call him "Ham" because his complexion is the same color as one of those canned hams.

Ham is a big mouth with opinions I find repugnant. He is always going off about this ethnic group or what have you.

This has created a lot of stress at family gatherings. I have the patience of Job and figure, hey he's giving himself more rope to hang himself in the opinion of those listening to him.

Not everyone in my family - especially the in-laws - are as patient as I am. At a recent gathering, a shouting match broke out between "Ham" and a loudmouthed sister-in-law.

The scene eccalated when my mother tried to defend Ham's generalizations about this ethnic group, and that religion. My wife got involved and things got a little Jerry Springer like.

I should have stood up at the beginning and told Ham and s-i-l to shut up or take it out back. But I let it go, thinking a peacable resolution would come about. Nope. After to many crappy things were said, I did finally put an end to it.

The bottom line is that these tensions might lay dormant for a while and errupt at the worst possible moment.

 

[stihl sawing]

Take him hunting.

LOL

 

[dancan]

. This guy says that a Chain Saw has cycles for speed, like it has a 2 speed transmission or something.

Hmmm , I wonder if that's where the term 2 cycle came from ?

As for advice ,I don't know what to tell you but I have been putting up with an alcoholic FIL , an obsessive compulsive MIL in constant denial , a SIL that is a complete BxxxH ,did I say BxxxH with a capital b and a bunch of BIL's that i try not to interact with so it has been a challenge to choose the right comments or words to my wife of 18 yrs so that I don't look like an ass when talking about the latest family crisis ( did I say my SIL was a controlling Bxxxh that ruined christmas for at least 17 people in 1 family but the MIL denies that ) Ah , so that's what I can share , choose your comments wisely and hope that the point will get through , if not make sure you have a family member that your mother trusts on your side or a camcorder or tape recorder .
Good luck