He's probably in that garage right now sitting there all pied eyed contemplating all its enticing well-formed glory.
I am a little riled up. Me and Mrs Dan were going at for about an hour, around nine I was dozing off while reading Deadeye #### and smelling my fingers to the sound of a neighbors dog sounding off incessantly. They usually leave it out for about 15 minutes around 8 pm each night to bark its ####ing head off but it was still going off after an hour so I went up there.
Dude comes out and I am like " How ya doing! I thought something was wrong because the dog has been barking non-stop for an hour, are you OK?"
Dude told me he was fine and the dog's barking is used to chase off the deer that eat his plants and didn't I want the deer not to eat my plants too.
I think there is something terribly wrong with Dude.
I told Dude that its pretty much a nuisance to allow a dog to carry on like that , that I was pretty sure his other neighbors didn't appreciate it and that if he didn't want deer in his yard he shouldn't live in the woods and that I was just trying to sleep.
Then Dude asked me if I was watching the Superbowl to which I replied " #### the Superbowl! Didn't I just tell you I was trying to go to sleep?"
So Dude goes ," I know just a bunch of rich #######s right?" and gawkes at me with a the loopiest, most inane set of eyeballs I have seen in quite a while.
I asked Dude not to make me start calling the police with complaints of animal cruelty , abuse and being a nuisance and impolitely requested he remove his Smeigal like fingers from my truck then I left.
One of Smeigal Dude's MO's is to creep up behind my running chipper and try to get me to clean up a falling tree that fell across his driveway. Smeigal Dude has done this a couple of times and it sure freaks me out. I am set with the notion that any civilian that walks up around a running chipper is a full blown idiot of the sort I don't wish to spend my time dealing with and if most cases they are trying to get me to do something I don't want to do and they know it. Smeigal Dude was looking to see if I was sucker who would do it for 50 bucks. That happens a lot. Its almost as bad as when you give someone some free firewood logs and they yell at you for it.
That's pretty common too. It starts off innocently enough, I asked them if they are sure they want it, their eyes light up , say " Sure, my husband has a chain saw!", or " I used to live on a farm", or, " I need the exercise". But when reality hits them its somewhat less than spectacular and sometimes they call me back demanding I do something about the free firewood logs I gave them out of my own generosity. So i don't do that anymore, its thankless. And ain't Youtube chock full of " husbands with a chainsaw?" Sometimes I spend a whole Saturday night drinking tequila and watching that ####.
Yeah Yeah, NO WOOD FER YOU! Anyway a few years ago, after listening to Smeigal Dude's dog bark for 4 hours well into the middle of the night i drove up there and made off with the animal. First I knocked on the door for awhile but nobody answered. So i took of the animal's electric collar, stuffed it in my truck , took it to my place and gave it some water. The dog was pretty thirsty after being out there that long without and water. You know what kind of people leave a dog out in the summer without water? Yep! That's what they are sometimes called. I called the number on the collar and when Smeigal Dude's dip#### wife came for the dog I told her all about it and maybe she should send Smeigal Dude down himself. That's when I first met Smeigal Dude and what a fruitcake he is, it wa appalling, a true conniver of the lamest sort.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, the smell on my fingers...